when you're drownin' in deep water and you're bailing yourself out with a strawAh. That is a perfect quote for today. I had a super-shitty day at work. First, I keep getting hate-email from managers due to some unexpected high-ticket invoices that I am in charge of processing. I have been dealing with this thing for a few weeks now, but today it reached its peak. I got a call 10 minutes after I was supposed to have left for the day. I debated on whether to pick it up or not, but I did. It was two managers on a conference call and they both completely bawled me out. One was practically hysterical. It was completely inappropriate--but that doesn't change the fact that a minute after I hung up and the force of it all hit me, I started sobbing uncontrollably. I couldn't help it. It was just too much after the day that I'd had. During the phone call I was very calm and tried to remember and utilize the tips of dealing with unhappy customers that I'd learned from waitressing years ago. The weird thing is, I have this little fear that somehow these things are my fault and that I'll get canned because of this mess. Irrational, I know--but it's still there. I keep thinking, "What if I didn't follow policy to the utmost and someone finds out?"
But all this is nothing that some really good Japanese chicken shish kebabs can't handle. I stopped by my favorite Asian place after work and had a full dinner. I feel better, though every once in a while a weird sob will escape from my lips. I still have to finish
Moby Dick tonight, so I shouldn't dwell too long on it. Besides, isn't life too short to let a bad day slow us down?
When I think about all I have to do at work and for school, I admit that I get a hysterical feeling that wells up in me, and a little voice that tells me that I'll never get it all done--that I should just give up. But then I read vol. 8 of Fruits Basket and Shigure-san put it this way to Tohru:
"For example, let's say, Tohru-kun...That you are surrounded with a mountain of laundry piled so high around your feet that you can't move. Are you with me? Now, let's assume you don't have a washing machine, so you have to wash everything individually by hand. You would be at a loss for what to do, right? You'd worry about if you could ever wash everything, if you could get it all clean...if you'd ever have time for anything but laundry ever again! The more you'd think about it, the more anxious you'd get. But time keeps passing, and the laundry doesn't wash itself. So what do you do, Tohru-kun? It might be a good idea to start washing the laundry right at your feet. Of course it's important to think about what lies ahead, too, but if you only look at what's down the road you'll get tangled in the laundry at your feet and you'll fall, won't you? You see, it's also important to think about what you can do NOW, what you can do TODAY. And if you keep washing things one at a time, you'll be done before you know it. Because fortune is looking out for you. Sometimes the anxiety will start to well up, but when it does...take a little break. Read a book, watch TV...or eat soumen with everyone."
Words to live by, ne? *giggles and cries at same time* *feels much better*