Monday, August 22, 2005
we've lost the plot and we just can't choose. we are hummingbirds who are just not willing to move.
So I have been on this weird cleaning spree these past few days. Ask Nailz man, it's fucked up. Me, a pack rat by inheritance, and I just threw out my softball tournament trophy from 1993 (I was 14). I also weeded my book boxes down from 4 big boxes to 2 medium sized ones. I threw one bag in the recycling, another bag I'm going to try to sell to Barnes and Noble or to the used book store on my way home from work, another bag is stuff I'm donating to the public library (most likely will add what the book stores won't buy). After I'm done rummaging through the storage closet and throwing shit out, I'm going through my book shelves and weeding those out. I don't know what's gotten into me. It's like I feel like maybe if I throw out most of this stuff my soul will be lighter and freer to move forward. Strange--but at least I feel like I'm doing something productive. Plus, it's sort of morbid, but I keep thinking that if something were to happen to me, my friends and family would have to go through all of this shit when most of it doesn't mean anything to me anymore. I'm whittling my existence down to what actually means something to me--saving only those things that will leave people clues as to who I am.
Most of this morbidity is due to a couple of factors I suppose. A major one would be the book I'm reading right now titled The Blind Assassin by Margaret Atwood. Man--talk about not sugar-coating things. Also, I realize that my 26th birthday is coming up next week and I have all this stuff to carry on with me into my future. All this stuff that I don't need or want. Why not get rid of it, ne? I haven't missed any of it while it's been sitting in boxes hidden away, so I'm sure I won't miss any of it now--probably won't even remember what I once had (memory's and memories are both fading).
Reading back through what I've just written, I realize it all sounds pretty depressed and possibly even suicidal--but really, I'm just determined to get rid of all the clutter that I feel has built up in my life. I'm happy--but determined. Cheers!
0 CoMmEnTs
So I have been on this weird cleaning spree these past few days. Ask Nailz man, it's fucked up. Me, a pack rat by inheritance, and I just threw out my softball tournament trophy from 1993 (I was 14). I also weeded my book boxes down from 4 big boxes to 2 medium sized ones. I threw one bag in the recycling, another bag I'm going to try to sell to Barnes and Noble or to the used book store on my way home from work, another bag is stuff I'm donating to the public library (most likely will add what the book stores won't buy). After I'm done rummaging through the storage closet and throwing shit out, I'm going through my book shelves and weeding those out. I don't know what's gotten into me. It's like I feel like maybe if I throw out most of this stuff my soul will be lighter and freer to move forward. Strange--but at least I feel like I'm doing something productive. Plus, it's sort of morbid, but I keep thinking that if something were to happen to me, my friends and family would have to go through all of this shit when most of it doesn't mean anything to me anymore. I'm whittling my existence down to what actually means something to me--saving only those things that will leave people clues as to who I am.
Most of this morbidity is due to a couple of factors I suppose. A major one would be the book I'm reading right now titled The Blind Assassin by Margaret Atwood. Man--talk about not sugar-coating things. Also, I realize that my 26th birthday is coming up next week and I have all this stuff to carry on with me into my future. All this stuff that I don't need or want. Why not get rid of it, ne? I haven't missed any of it while it's been sitting in boxes hidden away, so I'm sure I won't miss any of it now--probably won't even remember what I once had (memory's and memories are both fading).
Reading back through what I've just written, I realize it all sounds pretty depressed and possibly even suicidal--but really, I'm just determined to get rid of all the clutter that I feel has built up in my life. I'm happy--but determined. Cheers!
