Cosmic Log - What's Happening in Space
Nailz and I's Infamous Picture
I think that I had a revelation today.
I have been feeling pretty sorry for myself lately. I am not sure why this is so. Today's woe was due to me thinking about my housing prospects for the future. The fact of the matter is that I have too much student loan debt to be able to afford a mortgage. It is true that I make payments on my car as well, but I have no credit card debt - just student loan and car payment. Recently, I noticed that I pay more towards my student loans every month than I do for rent and my car payment combined. Predictably, I was feeling pretty "woe is me" about that (and the fact that I STILL have not found a part time job to help out the financial end of life) when I realized that ALL of it is my fault. You see, it all started back in grade school with my first "job".
My brother, sister and I would deliver the weekly ad paper. I don't really actually remember earning any money from doing this - which is strange, because I know we had to have gotten paid. Anyway, this once a week job got me started on the path of work. As I grew older, I took on a daily (read: morning) paper route, tossed in some lawn mowing during the summers, detassled corn one summer for a short time. Into high school, I got a job at one of the local burger joints and added lifeguarding to my summertime regiment sophomore year of high school. My life was filled with work. Sure - I did other things after school like sports and music, but much of my "free" time was actually filled with work. I did homework in the middle of the night after I got done closing up shop at the burger joint and didn't get much sleep. I missed a lot of school. I got OK grades (top 15 in a class of 115), but not spectacular - not enough to get me good scholarship money for college.
Are ya with me? That was an important last fact there. I got ok grades - BUT not spectacular. I didn't get much for scholarships or grants going into college. Because of this, I pay so much in student loans each month that I am unable to live alone; I must share rent with someone. I am grateful that Nailz (my rockin' roomie) and I are able to live together for so long (and for what looks like a long time in the future) without killing each other and we still actually enjoy each other's company.
Do you see how it is my own fault? 26 years of life has been adding up to this moment. I look at it and wish I had known that work was not all there was to life. Indeed, working all those hours in high school could be considered detrimental to my overall life path. But enough. None of us can go back in the past and change any of it - so it is not worth much more than this rambly blog entry.