and the raincoat that you wore when it rained today, i think it only made it rain more0948 hrs:Ah. Rough weekend, it was. I called in yesterday morning with the intention of coming in to work at noon, but it was not to be. I wish I could explain exactly what made this weekend so rough, but I am still in the process of working it over and over in my mind to try to find any logic at all in it. One minute I was determined and full of positive energy, the next crying in the kitchen over cookies that weren't turning out right. Sometimes, it feels as if I am on an emotional roller coaster that I cannot get off of.
I have noticed that caffeine makes these mood swings worse, so I have cut caffeine almost completely out of my diet (except for 2 cups of green tea spaced out evenly during the work day). Also, a lot of this instability seems to be strongly linked to the constant noise from our upstairs neighbors. When it is too loud for too long, I just start to lose it. Yesterday, I had packed my laptop bag with all kinds of activities that could occupy me for a few hours and was practically running out the door to escape the incredibly annoying noise. When it gets to that point, I don't know what to do with myself. The noise is jolting and I can't complete any thoughts, so the only thought that runs through my mind (over and over) is that I have to leave, I have to leave, I can't live here anymore, I have to leave...
There really has never been a time in my life where I've felt so much like a trapped and panicked animal. It seems that there is no way out of this horrible living situation other than to run away, but first I'd have to gnaw off my own hand or foot to get free.
Interestingly enough, the thing that is keeping me tied to this situation is the JET Program. Until I know whether or not I am granted an interview, I can't really make a move. I'll say one thing though - if it turns out I don't get to the interview stage, I will be immediately looking to buy a house and get the hell out of our current apartment. If I am granted an interview, I'll just have to continue to use any coping strategy I can to stay sane under the craptacular living conditions.
And stuck in the middle of all this drama is Nailz. Sometimes I wonder what she thinks when she comes home to her roommate talking "crazy" and eyes watering from the distress of living under such noisy neighbors. I can say that when she is there, I feel a lot less crazy - and that is comforting...
Labels: general freaking out, woe is me