i wonder sometimes about the outcome of a still verdictless lifeI called one of my best friends today for the first time since December. I stopped calling her because every time I called, it was like all I had time to say was "hello" and "bye". I felt like a wall that she was just talkingtalkingtalking at - never pausing...never asking how I'd been. At first, I put it down to her just having her third child and losing her mind. (Which would only be natural, right?)
After "talking" to her just now for 20 minutes after all of her children were in bed, I still only got the opportunity to say "hello" and "goodbye" and a couple of "uh huh"s. I know life can be hectic. I know that having children and a husband puts demands on a mother that I could never fully understand, but ... I feel like I've lost one of my best friends. She's disappeared and I am so incredibly sad. But sad only for myself because I'm sure she didn't even notice that she didn't even stop to ask what I'd been up to lately. I'm just someone to tell things to. And I'm selfishly sad, because it seems as though everyone else has somehow managed to remain friends with her. So it is my fault anyway and right now I can't even stand saying the word "I".
Labels: sad