could it be i'm haunted
October 16, 2013 (水)
Q: You woke up at ____.
A: 6:45am. Normal time.
October 17, 2013 (木)
Q: What's the most valuable thing you own?
A: My car. I think. A late-model Chevy Cavalier. Though it is probably only worth 1 or 2,000 dollars.
October 18, 2013 (金)
Q: What famous living person would you want to meet for drinks?
A: Henry Rollins, because I think he is a genuine person and we could have some great discussions.
October 19, 2013 (土)
Q: What was your last credit card purchase?
A: I don't have a credit card.
October 20, 2013 (日)
Q: Who do you count on?
A: Hm. Saint Anthony helps me find stuff that I lose.
October 21, 2013 (月)
Q: What new word have you learned?
A: Kamaimasen. "Doesn't matter."
October 22, 2013 (火)
Q: Write a haiku about your day. (5 syllables/7 syllables/5 syllables)
A:
boring day at home
the internet is my friend
or maybe my foe
October 23, 2013 (水)
Q: Who is the last person in your missed calls?
A: Nailz. I called her and then she called me. Heh.
October 24, 2013 (木)
Q: How are you? Write it in a rhyming couplet (two lines of verse that rhyme and have the same rhythm).
A:
Zumba wore me out
Better not be stout
...
I suck at poetry. Maybe better luck next year - ha!
October 25, 2013 (金)
Q: What is the most honest thing you've said today?
A: That I don't really mind if they guy I was messaging on the dating website doesn't email me back. I'm not that into him...
October 26, 2013 (土)
Q: How do you feel about your body?
A: Okay. Getting better now that I'm working out.
October 27, 2013 (日)
Q: What was the last goofy thing you did?
A: Sing and dance to karaoke at R & A's Halloween party last night. It was a total blast!
October 28, 2013 (月)
Q: ____________ is completely ridiculous.
A: My habit of listening to songs on repeat.
October 29, 2013 (火)
Q: Camping or hotel?
A: Hotel, if there is money for it. Otherwise, camping isn't bad. :)
October 30, 2013 (水)
Q: Are you able to tell when you have enough?
A: I think so. In fact I would say that right now I have more than enough.
October 31, 2013 (木)
Q: Halloween plans? What's your costume?
A: No plans, but I wore my old guard uniform to school. I was "Peacekeeper Clare" aka "Ten Years Ago Today Clare". In the evening, I threw on my Hogwarts robe and tie to answer the door.
Random Ramble:
I've been thinking a lot lately about old friends; friends that I'm not in contact with any more. Specifically the ones that I feel I did something wrong to ruin the friendship or put such a strain on it that it had to end. Both friendships started and ended in college. I'll admit that I have mulled over trying to contact these old friends and apologize and see how they are doing, but what stops me every time is the thought that it would be ultimately selfish to do so. After all, what good would it do for them?
I image that both of them are now married, probably with kids and a nice career (both were educated and stayed on the good path, you see). They were both so stable even then. But I wasn't very stable, well...let's say I was irresponsible. I was in the habit of making bad decisions. I imagine that when these two friends looked at me, they saw a woman drowning of her own volition; a woman capable of swimming, but who just wasn't. And I can also imagine that that must wear on a person and a friendship over time.
Even though every one must move at their own pace, I also feel that if I contacted them, I would be so many steps behind them. Or just ... different because one day, I finally started swimming and when I started, I didn't stop when I got to the nearest dry land - I just kept going, because being far away from where I had come from (what I had come out of) was so freeing. So here I am. And where they are, I don't know. Maybe they have ended up differently than I have imagined - maybe I've given them the short end of the stick (hopefully not the long end). The more I think about it, the more I think about it.
They probably want nothing to do with me, anyway - perhaps they have wondered now and then what happened to me, but... In some ways an apology from me would be too strange. I would be taking them by surprise, maybe making them uncomfortable, in order to make myself feel better and to see if I've imagined them rightly. Wouldn't it be better to just let sleeping dogs lie?
So I'll let those ghosts come out to haunt me sometimes. It's okay - they're just ghosts. And if I ever happen to meet either of those old friends by accident, I'd tell them "'You met me at a very strange time in my life.'"
Labels: Random Ramble, Today's Question