Down the Rabbit Hole with the Semi-Evil Squirrel

2012-01-19T01:12:00.003-06:00

A friend said to me last night: "Your teens are for fun, your 20s for love and your 30s for money."

It's strange she should bring that up because lately I've been wondering if I missed the love boat. I realize that, in general, people are socialized to believe that your 20s are when you fall in love and (if you so choose) get married. Some cultures are becoming more accepting and even encouraging marrying later. But it didn't ever occur to me that if you choose to not seek out a partner, that your heart might still look for love.

Last year, I had studied archery under the tutelage of a woman in her 50s who has never married. Not long after we started practicing together, a man also in his 50s started to show up occasionally and practice with us. I didn't think anything of it at the time. Then, my teacher was transferred far away for work. For a while, the man kept coming to practice, but after a bit of time, he stopped coming altogether. I asked another man who is frequently at the practice area and he said that the other man had stopped practicing shortly after my teacher left. He said this with a meaningful look in his eye.

Something about the whole thing made me feel a bit melancholy. It made me realize that no matter how old you get, your heart doesn't stop trying to love. I don't think it will ever be able to shut down and not feel a longing for someone else when you meet them. And it will still happen that your heart may choose someone whose heart doesn't match yours.

I had honestly, kind of hoped (fatalistically) that if I didn't find someone by a certain age, that my heart would just go about the normal business of beating and not seek out other people. But at the same time, it kind of gave me hope. Maybe some day my heart will settle on a person whose heart will settle on me, too.

2011-11-24T02:23:00.000-06:00

"Happiness doesn't stay with a hard person. Did you know this?" -Sumi

A few months back, I started going to a massage therapist of sorts. The lady was in her 50s and would massage me with her feet while I layed on a heated carpet. She would pop and crack all of my joints (fingers and toes, too!). She would sometimes use her hands to massage pressure points. There was one spot that always hurt the worst. She would say to me, "This spot hurts so much because your heart is tired."

I had secretly already known that. I stopped going to her.

2011-11-01T08:18:00.003-05:00

i get lost in my mind*

Today I wrote my Christmas letter. I write it early because it takes me a long time to buy cards and get them addressed. I also like to write a little personal message on each one...

I always get a little depressed after writing it. Maybe because I look back and the things I do in a year seem to have gone by too quickly. Maybe because the "important" things fit neatly in 1 1/2 pages. Maybe because I have to skip over a lot. Maybe because I don't mention the things that are truly important to me. Maybe because it reflects an edited me. A me with all the ugly bits taken out.

I make it a habit never to write about the future in my letters. Maybe living in Japan has made me superstitious, but it kind of feels like it would jinx it. People make plans, but how often do they follow them? And if something you wrote about didn't happen - wouldn't it feel strange to have to say so in the next year's letter?

Anyway. I will send out my Christmas letter in December. I'm sure it will be edited a time or two until then. I hope it is well-received and actually gets read. I read every holiday letter and card that I get. For me it is a comforting ritual to read about how my far away friends and family are. I don't care if the letter is full of bragging (which hardly any are) or a bit of melancholy - I just like the thought that someone took the time to reflect on the past year and put it down on paper and then took the time and expense to send it to the people they think or know will care.

*The Head and the Heart - Lost in My Mind

2011-10-30T08:40:00.002-05:00

someone like you

Every once in a while, I see an advertisement for wedding rings or walk by a jeweler and my chest tightens a little. I'm not one for jewelry - I just want what it symbolizes at its best.

2010-11-21T23:16:00.003-06:00

i'm going to prove the impossible really exists*

Today is just another gloomy day in my little area of Hokkaido. Yesterday was sort of sunny, but today is cloudy and started out with pouring rain. It is warmer outside than inside most of the buildings. 15 degrees C (that's 59F) outside, but in the hallways it feels about 10F colder (at least). Ah....Japan. Where the buildings actually work against achieving and maintaining comfortable temperatures. It is either really cold or really hot and there seems to be no middle ground. In the summer, my house remained so hot even through the night that the fish in my tropical fish tank were dying of heat. Even using icepacks to cool the water down did almost nothing. Now, in the winter, my house is colder inside than it is outside, even though I use the heater to warm it up while I'm there, when I leave, it gets closer to freezing temperatures than the temperature outside. How is it that Japan has invented reverse insulation?! Mah. It's also frustrating because I wake up to a cold house and pile on the clothes and then when I step outside it is so much warmer than my house! But it's the opposite in summer. Gr....

It is the same in the schools, except for one thing. The classrooms are easily kept at around 27C/80F with huge humidifiers going, but the moment you step out into the hallway, it is (and I wish I were kidding you!) 4 or 5C (39F). Going in between classes and to the bathroom becomes a very rushed walk...

There is no hope in washing your hands to warm them up, as in schools and most businesses even, there is no hot water. Just icy cold fresh water comes from the taps. This is wonderful in summer (all 3 months of it), but miserable the other 9 months.

Back in Minnesota, I used to love winter. Now I still like it, but with that there is a certain fierceness that I feel towards it. Like I have to battle it out. When I win, I give a triumphant snear and bitter laugh. And the snow hasn't even really started yet!

Well, so I've been lax in updating this since last week. Wanna know something sad? I just recently got around to checking the hotmail email that links to the stats counter for this blog and looking at the weekly reports since the end of October it has become clear that this blog is much more liked when it is not updated. Ha! It went from 12 visits (on average) per week to 1 visit in an entire week after I started updating on a regular basis.

Looking at it that way, I think what I might do is this: leave my blog entries archived here, but start posting to my LJ account exclusively, regardless of content. Seeing as most people who read this are on LJ anyway, why not just update there? Plus, then I might actually be able to keep up with fandom.

Mah. Not sure why, but the idea puts a bee in my bonnet. I feel a certain loyalty to the blog because it was the first place I started posting. I'm tempted to just copy and pasted any blog-type LJ entries I make to here, but at some point, I have to ask myself why I would even update here....

*Bjork - "Cover Me"

2010-11-18T04:12:00.002-06:00

it's been since yesterday that i was the exact same way*

So the past two days have been absolutely crazy-busy with almost no time at home except to shower and sleep. My mind is all a buzz with random happenings, so I'm just going to write this entry as things come to my mind while I do other things.

Item 1:
I'm pleased to say that the big hoop earrings that I ordered from Rakuten are finally going to be shipped and probably delivered by the weekend. I had originally ordered them for the Arashi concert last weekend, but didn't realize that I had chosen the non-P.O.D. option. So they didn't ship the item to me when I ordered it. The emails from the shop being all in Japanese, it took me a 2nd email from the online store to realize that they wanted payment via postal money order before shipping. Ah, so...the big hoop earrings are reserved for another concert in the future. The reason for ordering them on the internet in the first place: in Japan, hoop earrings are kind of a way of saying you're easy. So many times the only big hoops you can find are made from cheap metal. Well, my ears only accept gold (white or yellow), so I had to order online. *sigh* But yay! They are on their way! :)

Item 2:
Today, I canceled my flights to Okinawa. I was supposed to go with a friend over winter break, but she is instead going home for Christmas due to illness in the family. The cancellation fee was not too bad. Of the 123800 Yen it cost, I will be getting back 98670 Yen. (So it basically cost me $275 to book and cancel 4 flights that I wouldn't be taking.) Win. While canceling for free would have obviously been much better, I still feel good knowing I'm getting back about $1000.

Item 3:
I deleted 28 "friends" from my facebook, including my most recent serious ex-boyfriend (which is, sadly, from 2003 - eep!). I'm really proud of myself. I've never considered him a friend, but always felt pressured to "be friends with your ex because it's the adult thing to do". Screw that. We don't have anything in common. On a related note: I didn't unfriend his mother, however, as I actually like her. >_<;

Item 4:
I did something I've never done today. I ordered prints of my photos for myself. I was ordering some to matte and frame for Christmas presents and finally realized that I wanted some for myself. People always pick the ones that are not my favorite, so I ordered my 7 favorite (only in 4x6, but still...) for me. I'm looking forward to having my very own prints to put on my wall - though I won't frame them. XD

Item 5:
I got so busy/distracted last night that I forgot to post this. Durrr....At least blogger auto saves. XD Now onto my Friday night!

Item 6:
Done being distracted? Maybe. I soon need to finish up what I'm doing and go to bed. Big shopping trip planned for the morning. Huzzah!

*Ellis - The Parking Lot Song

Um...so apparently this never posted. *le sigh* This is sort of a sum-up of the week. Sort of? Mah...

2010-11-15T08:37:00.000-06:00

you're really growing on me*

It is another late night. Surprised? Didn't think so. Well, I have promised to update this or LJ every day I have internet. I updated LJ with a couple of sentences last night. Sadly, tonight will be much the same here.

I've been busy and I feel like I would lose my head if it wasn't attached. When I left work tonight at 6, I walked out the door with my indoor shoes still on. Got halfway down the walkway when I realized something wasn't right. Now I have to give the soles a wipe before wearing them again inside. :/

I had classes at one of my favorite schools today. Very fun.

Tomorrow is a full day in the office, so hopefully I can get a lot done and off my plate. I am working on clearing out old teaching things from the past 10 years of ALTs before me. One binder a week. Seems sad, but in the long run it will result in much less STUFF everywhere. Mah...

Well, time for bed. Thanks for the comments last time, ladies! I hope you all have fabulous Mondays. *sends good vibes to y'all*

*The Darkness - "Growing on Me"

2010-11-12T07:18:00.005-06:00

when you punish a person for dreaming his dream don't expect him to thank or forgive you*

Another late night. Realized today that there is probably only one person who reads this blog. (Hi, Sis!) I'm not dissatisfied, but it does feel like maybe I'm just yelling into the void. Well, so be it. I guess I can be as candid as I want then, eh?

Well, it's too late tonight to get into it all. Tomorrow is the Arashi concert. Woot woot. :)

*The Mountain Goats - "Best Ever Death Metal Band Out of Denton"

2010-11-11T08:09:00.002-06:00

it was me in that road, but you couldn't see me

Had a bad mood day. Not much to write. Or rather, tons. No time and the thought of rehashing it makes me feel even more tired.

2010-11-10T05:28:00.004-06:00

you know it happens every time

I am in the midst of a storm of self-doubt. As per usual, whenever I get a crush on someone, at first I find it really fun and entertaining. But as soon as I start thinking that maybe something could actually happen between me and the other person, I start shaming myself into a corner for being so presumptuous as to think someone would find me attractive and worth their time. Here in Japan, I also pile on the "he wouldn't want to date a foreigner" and (because I am 31 now and the clock is going TICK TOCK) "he wouldn't want to bring shame upon his family and marry a foreigner". The end result is that I completely shrink away from any guy who I get a crush on with some really low self-esteem from bashing myself over the head with self-insult.

I once dated a guy back in the cities who I dared admit this kind of thinking to. He told me it was really fucked up that I set myself up for failure every time. I agreed. But I still do it. Why? Because the last time I let myself believe that someone could love me and want me, I got hurt. Always being prepared for failure has kept me from getting hurt. For 8 years. But it has also stopped me from developing any kind of meaningful relationship with a man.

I've developed a crush on a man I see about once a week. I know his last name. And I know he has no children. He has an older brother that just got married. I don't even know if he has a girlfriend, but...I kind of don't want to find out because if he doesn't have a girlfriend, I'll end up shaming myself into a corner every time I feel a little bit of hope, until I feel like the most unworthy person on earth. Right now, I can just tell myself that he probably has a girlfriend and so therefore I don't have to think about it. That's really the safest option - to assume he has a girlfriend, so me having a crush on him has no where to go.

But he is so beautiful to look at...

2010-11-09T07:41:00.003-06:00

we spread out and occupy the cracks in the urban streets*

Mah. Busybusybusy! I totally want to write a long blog, but at the same time don't because it is almost 11pm already! And I have elementary school tomorrow (which always requires more energy), so I should be going to bed right now. I haven't even brushed my teeth yet or signed out of my various messengers....

Well, I'll write for a bit. What the heck.

This morning, as I was driving (early) to one of the JHS that I teach at, I saw a cloud taking the difficult way over a mountain. This particular mountain has a sheer face on it, so the cloud could have gone past the mountain at a lower altitude, but instead, it was going up and over and then coming back down low. I could see it moving. It was like watching a large, white, fluffy caterpillar climbing over a rock when it could have gone around.

I know that is probably an odd thing to blog about.

I had so much that I thought of during the day. All gone now. *sigh* Well, a bit of a re-cap of the day never hurts.

I was busy again in the office today. I came back from teaching after lunch, so I had the afternoon in the office. Prepared for tomorrow's lessons and studied Japanese. I buzzed out of the office almost exactly on time and came home. Found a letter from my mom in the post slot. Sat down in front of the kerosene heater and read it. Then I stared into the heater's flames for a while. I don't think I thought of anything. Just stared. It was nice. A boom of thunder brought me back to the present. Today we've been having rainstorms. It gets really windy and then we get some thunder and lightning and then it rains really hard for a bit. We even got some pea-sized hail. I'll have to admit that I am pretty satisfied with the number of rain/thunderstorms we've gotten this year. Last year we hardly got any!

Anywho. Heated up some left overs, but just ended up eating the mashed potatoes bit. Then went off to do some errands and shopping before the shops all closed. I got some accessories for the Arashi concert outfit: a belt for the dress and a necklace. There were so many cute belts! I ended up buying three of them. It only came out to $25 for three, so that's not bad....

I attempted to get my dry cleaning, but the place closed their shutters just as I was pulling up. :( So I guess that will have to wait until next week. I'm not going to make any more trips over to the big town this week.

I went to the grocery store next. The grocery store in my town closes at 6pm, but the one in the big town closes at 9pm, so stopped and got the veggies I want for stew: eggplant, broccoli, carrots and onions. I have some butternut squash that I'll use as well. Yum! Looking forward to that tomorrow night!

On the way out of town I got gas at the self-service pump. Last week I used one for the first time. It was a really frustrating experience and it took me 20 minutes, but now that I know how to use the pump, it is magical! I even save 9yen a liter! That's like saving 50cents a gallon (after current currency rates are applied and liter to gallon conversion). That's a big savings!

Came home and stayed true to my plan to do sit ups and push ups tonight. I didn't do as many as I probably should have, but meh. Some is better than none, right? Right. Then I took a shower and was so hungry that I had to eat something. :/ I kept it to a diet granola bar and a sip of 1.5% milk.

I'm not trying to lose too much weight, but I want to shed a couple of pounds so that I'm no longer in danger of not being able to wear pants to work. I like my pants and I want to continue to fit into them.

So yeah. That's that.

Lastly, looking at pictures of Japanese guys with long sideburns makes me realize that I don't like long sideburns. Yuck.

*Death Cab for Cutie - "The Employment Pages"

2010-11-08T06:44:00.003-06:00

i'd rather run the other way than wait and see*

So it is late. Almost 10pm and I have an early morning and busy day ahead of me tomorrow. Because of that this will be short. Listing works for me!

Accomplished today:
- went through 2 binders of predecessor teaching materials and tossed what is no longer useful
- started preparing materials for Thanksgiving elementary school lessons (see a few posts back)
- LUNCH: PB&J sandwich and apple w/cinnamon, milk (I felt like I was in day care!)
- finished preparing materials for Thanksgiving lessons
- wrote Dana a letter (man, I miss her so much!)
- studied 80 kanji and learned 12 new ones
- prepared materials for tomorrow's JHS classes
- reviewed Japanese for lesson
- Japanese lesson from 4:30 until 6pm (brain is officially mush at that point)
- drove 30 minutes to my hair appointment and converse in Japanese for 1.5 hours
- got way too much hair cut off, because I wanted to indulge the stylist's vision *rolls eyes at self*
- stopped by my favorite cafe for a late dinner at 8pm
- drove home, watching lightning over the sea out of the corner of my eye

Yup. That's about it. On a side note: I listened to The Fray's How to Save A Life album for most of the car ride and my time at home so far this evening. I always forget how much I like this album. There really isn't a time or mood where I wouldn't want to hear it.

*The Fray - "She Is"

2010-11-07T04:55:00.002-06:00

come on up to the house*

Tonight's blog post comes out of boredom. I've honestly already done everything that I can do today that wouldn't require leaving it half-finished. Thinking back on it, I've gotten a lot done this weekend. My house was beginning to look like a total pit. The embarrassing kind where you really hope no one you know stops by because you wouldn't want to let them into your house.

Before all of the cleaning, however, I had to get up this morning and go to an elementary school cultural festival. It was really fun. This is the only festival that I have to participate in (I pick an English song and teach it to the students and we dance and sing together). It went much better than last year, for sure and my boss's boss was there. He told me afterward that I did a good job. I was very glad to hear that. I was a bit worried.

A note about the journal entry from a couple of days ago titled, "losing". I got an email from my sister. She reassured me that the gifts I gave to Grandma were not included in the rummage sale. I feel a bit reassured by that. We also had a bit of a discussion about everything. I realized that I shouldn't feel like I am alone in all of it and should reach out to my family more.

I want to say more. I really do. But I can't get my mind in order. It's whizzing and whirling away and I can't pin it down.

2010-11-06T05:52:00.002-05:00

know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum

Oh ho ho ho! Almost forgot to post today. Shame on me! Well, today has really been a mishmash. Almost from the moment I got up today I have been in either physical or thought motion. I started Skyping with the family and friends this morning when I got up and it went into the early afternoon. It was good to be in contact with people, but it sometimes leaves me feeling disjointed. Like I get sucked into North American life for a bit and then am sucked back to Japan.

The bad thing about today? Two things. Number 1: I broke the one rule they tell you when you get to Japan. "Never answer the door on a Saturday morning." Well, I did and the NHK man caught me! (NHK is the Japanese national broadcasting station and they go door to door to collect their fees. If you own a TV, you are legally obligated to pay about $15 a month. It's basically a tax on your TV.) Luckily, I just kept saying that I didn't understand what was going on and eventually he just gave me a payment and informational brochure and went away. Still, I am cursing myself for being stupid enough to open the door at all.

The fact is that most Japanese never pay NHK. If you don't answer the door or tell them you don't have a TV, they just go away. That's why you never are supposed to answer your door on Saturday morning. That is the only time they come around. My plan is to either not answer the door next time or to tell them I don't have a TV. If it's the same guy I will say that I sold it because I don't understand Japanese. The truth of the matter is that it sucks that they want me to pay for something I turn on maybe once a week. And even then, I only see what's on and usually end up shutting it off again within 5 minutes. Also, in July, Japan is changing from Analog to Digital and my TV will not work after that. So...*shrugs*

Because I am, by nature, an honest person who doesn't like to shrug responsibility, it feels inherently wrong for me to not pay my dues. It wouldn't be so bad if they wanted me to start paying $15 a month, but they want me to start paying from when I moved in last July. That's a lot of money upfront for something I have used for probably a total of 24 hours in 16 months...

So that's about it. Oh - the 2nd thing about today: I shouldn't be let out of my house with money. I went to buy a "few things" at 3 stores today. I literally had 2 things written down for each store, but somehow ended up spending about $100. How does that happen? I even ate right before I went because they say shopping while hungry is bad for your wallet. Ah...but I spent that much anyway. Now to try to stay away from stores for a while.

Oh goodness....

2010-11-05T07:19:00.003-05:00

hold this thread as i walk away*

Time for the daily blog. Let's see. What is there today? Not much, or perhaps too much. I am in a much better mood than yesterday's post. I had a productive and fun Friday. I got to watch some 3rd grade JHS (that's U.S. 9th grade equivalent) students do Judo today. That was pretty cool. Then, later in the day I got to teach them. The Japanese Teacher of English (JTE) had a really fun game that we all played and just thinking about it still has me grinning.

After teaching, I ran to the post office and mailed a bunch of letters, cards and presents. There are bunch of November birthdays among my friends and family, so I got all of that done. The total cost gave me a good reminder of what it will cost to ship presents home for Christmas. It is painful to my wallet!

After that, I studied some kanji at my desk. I was happy to realize that even though I haven't sat down and studied it for about 2 weeks, I still remember most of what I had learned previously. Now I just need to add about 60 kanji more to my mental library and solidify grammar and I'll be ready for the JLPT (Japanese Language Proficiency Test) in December. I'm taking the lowest level available since I don't know what level I am at. I took the practice test about a month ago and passed, so hopefully that means that the studying I've done since then will solidify my chances of passing the actual test.

This evening I had kyuudou (弓道 - Japanese archery, literally Way of the Bow). I finally got to release an arrow into the straw target (beginner). I only released one, but it was exhilarating! My heart pounded joyfully after I released the arrow. It usually takes about 10 hours of training before you release an arrow. I've done 9.5. So it was time. My teacher wanted me to release one last time, but I felt I was not yet ready. This time I went to the lesson preparing myself mentally for releasing an arrow.

I also took her three slices of the chocolate zucchini bread that I made the other night. I put them in a small container and sprinkled them with powdered sugar. She smiled broadly when I gave them to her and she said that she loved sweets, so I am happy. She has to pay a small fee every time she comes to teach me (because she is not a town resident) and she doesn't let me pay that, so this was my way of showing her thanks.

Well, it is getting late. Even though it is Friday night, I think I have a lot I want to do tomorrow (which I should figure out and write down tonight so I can be productive from the get-go tomorrow morning), so I should get ready for bed.

*if you need the reference for this song, you need musical guidance.

2010-11-04T01:11:00.003-05:00

losing

A thought (that comes after writing a letter to one of my grandmas): I have given nice things to my grandma every time I have traveled abroad. When I went to Kuwait, I sent her a knitted lap blanket made from camel wool. When I visited Japan for the first time, I sent her a warm, quilted happi (house) coat.

Recently, my grandma was moved into a "living center". She had been thinning out her possessions for some time; giving things back to people who had given them to her or giving things to people who had always said they liked something. When she was moved, it came to the point where a rummage sale was held to sell the things she wouldn't be keeping with her at the living center. What didn't sell was taken to Civic Council/Goodwill.

The reason she was moved into a living center is because she had fallen and hit her head at home. Because of the fall, she had some blood in her skull - in between the skull and brain. She had emergency surgery to drain the blood and ease pressure on her brain. As a result, she suffered memory loss and had to be on a few medicines for a while until it looked like everything was back to normal.

In September, a few weeks after my birthday, I received a birthday card from my grandma. On the envelope, my aunt (who has helped care for my grandma because she lives closest) had written that grandma had forgotten to send this to me until now. Inside the card was nothing besides her signature. No letter. No note. Not even my name.

I have written her letters about once every two months since my move to Japan. For the first six months, I received coherent letters from her. A month before the fall up until now - there has been no letter. No reply. I begin to wonder if she remembers who I am. Maybe receiving my letters is like receiving letters from a stranger.

So the thought is this: it upsets me to think that the gifts I found in far away lands and gave to my grandma were sold off at a rummage sale to total strangers for a fraction of what they are actually worth, but not because of their monetary worth, but because, like those gifts, she is no longer present. It feels like the bond we once had has been severed. It begins to feel like she is gone before she is really gone.

2010-11-03T05:46:00.004-05:00

it was a cold night...

... And you thought I was bluffing! <--when I said I would update either here or LJ every day this month. Ha!

Well, it just so happens that I have things to write about tonight.

Today was a national holiday in Japan (Culture Day), so I had the day "off" from work. Well, every town and city in Japan does something for Culture Day. My town has a few events and a bunch of things displayed in the town gym. Everything from bonsai, to calligraphy, to quilting, to the art of every grade- and junior high schooler in town. The library also had a fair and in the afternoon there were drumming, dance and band performances. All-in-all not REALLY a day off at all. Luckily, being the foreigner and not expected to a) contribute in anyway (since I am not Japanese) and b) know what is going on, I was able to drift in and out of displays and the library fair without too much fuss or fanfare. I did see quite a few of my students and some even said hello.

I did have every intention of going to the afternoon performances, but I ended up getting inspired to use the zucchini in the fridge before it went bad. I wanted to make chocolate zucchini bread, but needed a few ingredients. I went out in search of semi-sweet chocolate chips, cocoa powder, shredded coconut and chopped nuts. I found 3 our of the 4. I couldn't find the shredded coconut and the nuts I found were not chopped, but I bought them anyway. I'll tell you, nothing feels better than crushing some nuts to get some pent up frustrations out. Hammer + sealed bag of nuts = awesome fun! Also, since chocolate chips are $5 for a 1/4c-size bag, I just bought some bar chocolate and broke it off into little pieces into the batter. I think I absorbed some chocolate by osmosis (if osmosis is defined by a hand-to-mouth motion) during that whole process and my fingers ended up all chocolaty. Mmm....

Now the first pan is in the oven. I've decided to do one loaf and then cupcakes with the rest of the batter. Mmm.....cupcakes....

In other, much more exciting news, The Decemberists are releasing a new album in January. I am SUPER EXCITED! I was notified via email through the fanclub mailings. I love being in fanclubs. It makes me feel young and hip. ??? Maybe only in my world? Ha ha. Still, it's nice to get news right away.

2010-11-02T06:37:00.003-05:00

how does a promise ever grow old*

Well, hello, blog. It's been a while, hasn't it? I see August 22nd is the last time I updated. Sad that it has been over 2 months, but by no means surprising I suppose. Well, in honor of NaNoWriMo I've decided to update either this blog or my LJ every day during the month of November (full days without internet excepted, of course). What this means is that there will probably be a fair few entries that are completely boring. Apologies. :)

Tonight is cold and rainy in my little town. The rain is ebbing and flowing like waves; one minute pouring, the next just sprinkling. But it is all very rhythmic and regular. It rocks a person to sleep like a cradle.

Perhaps it only has this effect on me because of the particularly tiresome day I've had. I taught 4 elementary school classes today. The theme was Thanksgiving. I only visit each elementary class once a month, so October's theme was (of course) Halloween and next month's lesson will be about Christmas. I've found that doing crafts with the students is a good way to bond with them in a non-verbal way. So today we made pilgrim hats (for the boys) and bonnets (for the girls) and then half the class was Native Americans (which, by the way, they still call "Indians" here :/) and made simplified feather headdresses. While it is stereotypical, it is the most one can do with 45 minutes and very energetic students. I made sure to teach "Native American" as the word used to describe the indigenous people of North America. So at least there is that. But 4 classes of the same thing for grades 3-6 totally wiped me out, physically and mentally.

In other news, not much is happening. I have mostly finished getting my old, drafty house ready for winter. The only windows left to cover with plastic are the big patio doors. For that, I am waiting on a special shipment of heat-sealing plastic from my parents.

I've also switched out my summer wardrobe for my winter one. Oh, how I've missed wearing sweaters and cardigans! I'm very happy to wear those again. In switching out my wardrobe I discovered something about how I've been dressing pretty much my whole life: for comfort and ease. Not for, say, style or what makes me feel or look good. So I've decided to venture into the land of the moderately-stylish and upgrade my wardrobe little by little. I think it would be impossible to change completely, but I think upgrading to items that have long-standing classic styles, don't easily show sweat (this is important in Japan, where during the summer there is no air conditioning and during the winter they heat their classroooms and office rooms (note that I didn't say "buildings" - central heating here is non-existent)), flatter my figure and are comfortable would be good. Also, difficult - which is also good because if I first ask myself if an item fits this description, chances are the answer is no and therefore, I will save money. :D So you see, it all works out.

That's about it. Oh, and I've also been learning kyuudou (Japanese archery) for the past month and hope to keep that up as well. It is interesting and challenging. But yes, I think that about wraps it up.

*Robin Hackett - "Hard Left"

2010-08-22T09:22:00.004-05:00

the stars are blazing like rebel diamonds cut out of the sun*

So it has been quite a long time since I truly updated this blog. Sadly, it is late on a Sunday night and I am only spending a few more minutes online before going to bed. I have an unpleasant schedule tomorrow. I have to be at the school I'm teaching at by 9am to teach 2nd period, but then I don't have anything during 3rd period. Then a class 4th period, lunch with the students and then yet another period where I don't have any classes before I teach 6th period. After that, I have to rush back to the office and immediately go into a meeting for Tuesday's classes that will probably last past leaving time. I will have to cancel my Japanese lesson, which means that it will have been almost 2 months since my last lesson. I signed up to take a Japanese language proficiency test (the JLPT) in December, so I really need to get cracking on studying for that so I can pass. *frownies*

Overall, the next 5 weeks look to be rough. Not only do I have some pretty jam-packed weeks of classes, but every weekend until the end of September is full of traveling all over the island. The last weekend being the party that I have to do all of the planning for. Food for 50 people, renting BBQs, tents, making sure people can get to the campsite, coming up with activities to keep people engaged, etc. Uf da!

I guess when it is all said and done, I'll happily welcome October 1st as it will mean that I finally, finally get to have some time at home.

Leading up to now, my parents came and visited me for 2 weeks during the summer holidays and I also "presented" at the orientation for all of the new people coming in. So I've pretty much been traveling since July 30th. Very ready for a long break from traveling. Though I never thought I would say that. XD

So that's my life in a nutshell right now. Unfortunately, I probably won't be updating this blog very frequently (ha! Like I ever have!), if at all, until October or so. Should really get in the habit of doing a weekly post or something as I always like to look back and read blogs to see what I was up to in the past. Sometimes I even find it mildly entertaining!

Having said all that, I hope everyone is enjoying the tail end of their summers! Feel free to drop me a comment or email and let me know what you've been up to! Cheers!

*The Killers - Read My Mind

2010-08-18T04:29:00.001-05:00

testing post from my phone.

2010-05-31T01:37:00.001-05:00

think less but see it grow

Another Monday, another work week begun. It is about an hour before the end of my work day and it is a bright, beautiful day. I can’t say that I have done much in terms of productivity here. I didn’t get up from my desk once from the time I came into the office to the time the lunch whistle blew and I have only gotten up once since returning from lunch. Surely, this kind of sedentary behavior is no good for one’s body or mind.

Today, I get new summer tires for my car. While the total was quoted at much less than I had originally expected, it is still going to cost a pretty penny. The good thing is my car gets much better gas mileage with summer tires. Also worth mentioning is that unless something happens to ruin the tires, I will not have to worry about buying tires for another 2 years (if I still even own that car). Also bought summer windshield wipers the other day, so my car is going to be ready for summer fun! I even vacuumed it out this weekend. It is looking all mostly new and stuff. (As new as a 1998 car can look!)

In news of the strange, it seems as though my neighbor has a girlfriend. I had kind of hoped to be that girlfriend and did make a few moves on him, so when I was outside hanging up laundry and pulling weeds this weekend, it came as a surprise to me to hear a woman’s laughter coming from his window and then to notice 2 empty wine bottles outside his front door. I can only assume that the woman spent the night. I felt a tiny twinge of envy, but mostly I am amused and glad that I could not hear any of the previous night’s “activities”.

For myself, I re-vamped my profile for a dating/networking/friending site geared towards Japan. I did an area specific search to see if there were any registered users that matched what I was looking for in this part of Hokkaido – there are a few. Only one that had a picture and it was him in ski gear, so you can’t really see his face. Also, he is a member of the Self Defense Forces in Japan (personally, I find that kind of hot). He lives about a 5 hour drive away. He was the closest one. *le sigh*

Next up in the search is to ask the friends that I have in the city if they know of any single Japanese guys looking to date a foreigner. Oh yes, I am on the prowl. I’m not desperate, but it occurred to me recently that only interacting with other foreigners (and women at that!) probably isn’t the best way to get a date. In the U.S. it may be possible to find a guy like that, but here it is a bit different…More effort is required, me thinks…

Anywho, I had a good weekend. Got lots done. I realized that I need to create shade in my front lawn somehow. I don’t think planting a tree is very realistic (or wise, for the space I have is small and I wonder if I would need some kind of permit to do it on city land), so I have decided to build an arbor. I think it might end up being kind of expensive. I am hesitating to embark on that kind of adventure because of the a) time and labor involved and b) the cost. It occurs to me that I could put the plants needing shade on the other side of the house, but the last time I did that an animal or child dug through my pot. (My guess is it was a kid as the alleyway gives them perfect shelter to dig around without being seen…) I wonder if there is a cheaper way to get shade without so much cost and labor? I guess I could look around the hardware/gardening center and see if anything presents itself. Oh – and also kind of scared that an arbor would end up being the perfect shelter for the huge outdoor spiders that hang out under the eaves of my house…

Other than that, not much is happening. I should get back to my kana and kanji workbook, so that’s it for now. : )

2010-04-28T00:37:00.001-05:00

lord knows when the cold wind blows it'll turn your head around

Today has been another windy day. It started yesterday afternoon, working hard to bring in the rain for today. I did get the last of my spring bulbs in the ground yesterday, fighting against the wind and time. I still have many planters and a few seeds to put in the ground, but those can wait for another day.

As of today, I have had umbrellas blow out on me before, but never blow in on me….until today. There is a gale warning issued for this area, so it is to be expected. Try as I might to be able to compare this wind to the winds of the Central Plains, there just can be no comparison. The wind from the mountains and the sea is just totally different. This is not to say that prairie winds won’t knock your socks off. Come to think of it, there are many types of wind and I firmly believe that none of them can be compared. They may be the same mph, but there is so much difference in how they feel. Just like the winds of the city. Chicago being a good example – you can’t compare those Chicago winds to anything else. They just are. And you have to be there to know them.

Despite seeming to be in a thoughtful mood, what I really am in is a bad mood. I had to sleep with earplugs in last night so that the sound of the wind didn’t keep me from sleeping. (Yes, either the winds are that bad or the construction of their housing here is that bad – actually, it’s probably a combination of BOTH!) I woke up this morning and took out my earplugs. Just laying there listening to the wind and spattering rain against the window made realize today would be a day best spent in bed – however, there is no such holiday here. I walked to work in the wind and the rain (because it is only a block). I walked to and from the Junior High School in the wind and rain (because it is only a block). I walked to and from the bank and post office in the wind and rain (because it is only 6 blocks round trip). My umbrella threatened to blow out on me, then it threatened to blow in on me and then finally it did blow in on me. The umbrella is (surprisingly) not ruined. The built-in-flexibility (in other words: cheaply made craftsmanship) of the umbrella made it so that I was able to fold it back up and it should work for the windy and rainy walk home.

One thing is the same for all wind, I think. They all really take it out of you. One walk against the wind and rain and you feel like you could lay down for a bit. Walking against it is like instant exhaustion. I feel exhausted and grumpy. The only thing keeping me from being totally disgruntled is that my hair looks fantastic from the moisture and wind-blowing. I couldn’t style it this well if I tried. Too bad it takes a lot of energy and bad mood to get it this way.

Tonight I have a work party to go to. I had originally thought it was Monday, so I had worn a suit jacket on Monday. When it turned out to be today, I didn’t bother with the suit jacket. A skirt, turtleneck and cardigan will just have to do.

2010-04-16T02:00:00.002-05:00

'cause your wrinkled eyes betrayed the joy with which you smiled

Spring has come to Southwestern Hokkaido. The bulbs that I planted in my front “yard” are coming up and the snowdrops and crocus have already started to blossom. The tree in the neighbors yard is starting to do something. The only way I can describe it is that it is a pussy willow tree; fuzzy little buds everywhere! All the signs of spring are here: we’ve had days of steady rain, days of steady strong wind and days that felt like maybe winter was coming back. I have to admit that I am glad that the winter is receding as April progresses. I think this is the first spring that I can remember where I was glad the snow was gone. I usually feel pretty dispirited about winter ending.

I have been staying busy, even if sometimes it was busy with purposely doing nothing. I finally finished sealing up all of the cracks I could find in my laundry room, so hopefully the winter drafts and occurrence of camel crickets will be greatly reduced from last year.

I’ve had some struggles with mold in the house. When I went to Osaka and Kyoto for nine days a couple of weeks ago, I came back to find mold growing on the wall beside my bed. Then, I found that the wall behind and beside the refrigerator was covered in black mold. Then, I noticed that in general, there were a lot of moist areas in the house that were bound to head to the moldy side. All of this has prompted me to buy a dehumidifier. Of course, I will have to buy it after pay day, but it shall be purchased none-the-less.

You may be saying to yourself at this point: Well, that is all boring stuff…Where’s the exciting stuff? The answer to that question is difficult to answer. The exciting stuff lies within the boring stuff, I think. What I wrote above about a few days of steady strong wind hides that the wind was so strong that you could hear it coming. It would roar through the town until it hit your house, making your doors and windows rattle in their jams. At one point, I looked outside and was a bit afraid that the sturdy wood of the fence posts would become dislodged and fly into the patio door window glass. The wind increased so much each night that I had to wear ear plugs to bed in order to get some sleep. It kind of felt like I was living on that tiny island in the middle of a raging sea that is in Harry Potter when Hagrid goes to rescue Harry from the Dursley’s. It verged on being scary rather than fascinating.

But I guess maybe you have to be here to understand it. There are those who read this blog that would know similar wind. Those who live (or have lived) in Chicago (it isn’t called The Windy City for nothing!) or on the flat prairies of the Great Plains are probably nodding their heads in understanding.

So what else is there that I can try to explain in all-too-lengthy prose that you have not experienced? I’m sure there is something, but the wind is the most recent “big” thing to have happened. The winds have subsided and today is remarkably like a perfect spring day; sunny in patches, light lukewarm breeze, earthy smells and the sun is not setting at 5pm anymore.

In future news, I am having a couple of Japanese coworkers over for dinner next Saturday. I have a very simple menu planned, as it is hard to get most ingredients that we take for granted in the states. There will be salad (I hope – if I can find salad greens!), chicken and dumplings and then a small dessert (probably a parfait of some design if I can find regular pudding). My house is a mess. (Hard to imagine, given its tiny size!) I do mean to clean it up this weekend, even if the weekend is already filled with things like judging video entries for an English competition and going to a farewell karaoke party for a Japanese friend. If I can’t get it all cleaned up this weekend, the chores will have to be done on weeknights, even if I was hoping to plant some spring seeds and bulbs in the garden on those evenings. What an exciting life I lead! XD

Anyway…To end this entry, to spring I say: Yokosou!

2010-02-15T00:44:00.000-06:00

I am convinced that Monday is "Nasty Fish Dish" day for my school district. Every Monday that I have taught at a school (and consequently eaten school lunch) on a Monday, it has always included some form of nasty fish. Most of the time, I grin and bear it. Sometimes, it is even tasty. ... But other times, I just have to (not) say a polite, "No," by simply not eating it. Today was a day where I could bear to eat it, but only after I picked out the spine bones with my chopsticks. Of course, I didn't know there was spine in it until after I took the first bite.

Last Monday they had grilled Salmon - the catch being that there were bones in it. I'm not quite sure how people manage to eat those, because I tried, but I got a bone stuck in my throat. It wasn't until later, when I mentioned it to a teacher, that I realized that mine was the only one that had had "accidental" bones in it. Hmph. (Oh, and for the record, eating a nice, sticky rice ball is the cure for a bone stuck in the throat - though I have heard peanut butter works well, too.)

The only time I flat out refused to even try the Monday fish was when it was fried, whole fish. I don't know what kind of fish they were, but they were small - a little smaller than a hot dog in length and widest circumfrence. They were fried and so I could see their eyes still. Everyone ate everything. Head, tail, bones and all. I just....couldn't. I think I have a pretty open mind when it comes to foods (excluding insects - insects should never be willingly eaten), but that was a bit much for me.

The good thing about eating with a bunch of Japanese people is that they are too polite to ask you why you aren't eating it. This saves me from having to try to disguise the fact that I think whatever I'm not eating is disgusting.

2010-02-06T06:26:00.001-06:00

just wait and it will come

Copied and pasted from the LJ. If you're not into reading about boring personal/work life stuff, feel free to skip. :)

This past week has felt strange. Coming into the week, I had been having troubles sleeping soundly for the previous few days. I still am not sleeping that soundly, but a bit better, despite having strange/horrible dreams. I even had a dream where I would have been screaming in real life, if the scream had not been trapped in my throat. It felt as if I had been screaming for hours, days. It was strange. Last night I had another strange dream, but it is too gross to describe. It involves snot - lots of it. *makes grossed out face*

I was really busy with teaching and lesson planning this week and each night I had to stay late to finish up the next day's lesson plans. (And I hadn't even used work time to surf the net!) The only day I left on time was Friday (thank goodness!). Amazingly, the classes went mostly ok. I think the kids are finally starting to warm up to me.

Anywho. So not much to report on the week other than working my butt off and then chillaxing in the evenings with lots of Sex and the City watching.

This whole week has been full of shittastic weather. Most days it was near-blizzard conditions, but yesterday it got really bad and then again today. I stayed in last night even though I had originally planned to go to the next town over for some more DVDs and dinner. Good thing I had left over spaghetti and one DVD of Sex and the City to keep me occupied.

I went to bed at a normal time last night and then slept in until almost 11 this morning. I know that I am exhausted when I sleep in that much! I usually can't sleep past 8am on a weekend. When I woke up, it was sunny and beautiful out. Things were melting and there wasn't a cloud in the sky, so I made plans to go over the mountains to the other side of the peninsula in order to take some winter pictures in a really pretty valley and spend some time with a fellow JET. I made myself french toast and thus had to turn my back on the big living room window. When I turned back around 5 minutes later, it was snowing heavily. WTH?? But it wasn't windy, so I wasn't too concerned and thought it would pass. By the time I was ready to leave the house, it had turned into another freakin' blizzard. Decided I would skip the mountain pass and just go to the next town over to return and rent DVDs.

Yesterday, I had shoveled off my car in the hopes that I would go somewhere. Today, I had to shovel it off again. So far, we've received about a foot of snow in the last 2 days and it just keeps coming. So anyway. It took me 20 minutes to dig out my car. By the time I got into the car, I was covered in snow. I bought this thick fleece coat (actually pretty warm, but hard to describe) for about $30 back in the first part of winter and have been wearing it for most of this winter so far. It works, but the thing is that snow sticks to it and can't be brushed off and so the snow melts and the coat gets damp/wet. So when I got into my car, my car seat, steering wheel, everything got wet from all of the snow I couldn't brush off of myself. That frustrated me a bit, but I was happy to be getting out of the house, so I felt better.

I stopped at the ATM on the way out of town. I took maybe 2 minutes total and by the time I came back out, I had to brush off one side of my car's windows again because of the blizzard. Frustration was building. It only got worse when I got on the road and visibility at good spots was at less than 50 feet. Some spots were zero visibility and I couldn't see a damn thing. I almost turned around, but my frustration got the best of me and I kept going because I just did not want to spend another day in my house - especially without anything to watch. It was a long, slow drive, but eventually I made it to the next town over. Visibility there was better.

On the way there, I had decided that I had had enough of my stupid fleece coat and that I was going to buy a ski suit so that I could have a nice, snow-resistant coat to wear during times like these. It felt nice to be in the store and not driving... The first store I went to didn't have any suits that fit me, so I decided to see what the other store in town had to offer. When I left the store, it was sunny and beautiful! It was a nice break and lifted my mood significantly.

I almost decided not to go to the second store for the suit, but I'm glad that I did. I found a cute pink and gray ski suit for almost 1/3 the price of the nearest fitting one at the other shop. The shop assistant didn't think they had anything to fit me, because all they had left were juniors sizes. I picked up the large junior size and asked to try it on. They said ok, but looked doubtful I would fit into it. I tried it on and it fits perfectly (but I have to be careful not to gain weight otherwise that will be put into jeopardy). When I came out of the fitting room, the shop assistant started saying he was sorry that it didn't fit. I cut him off by saying that it fit perfectly and that I would like to buy it. He seemed shocked. I felt a bit of my favorite feeling: smug.

After that, I drove around the town looking for good spots to take some pictures of the winter seascape. I found a few places and got out to take pictures. Not sure how they turned out because my camera's battery was dieing and wouldn't give me the post-view screen. Guess I'll have to upload them to my laptop and find out, eh?

Anywho. Decided to start on my way out of town. Returned and rented DVDs and then stopped for gyouza at my favorite ramen restaurant. They have great ramen, too, but lately, I just want gyouza! I was the only customer, as it was 3 in the afternoon by that time. When I got back out to my car, I saw that the rear passenger side tire was nearly flat. Tried to think of the nearest service station, but couldn't quite remember, so I got on the road again and decided to stop at the first one I came to. On the way, I stopped at the drugstore to get more femmy supplies. I almost laughed when I scared some poor Japanese guy with my armload of supplies. He looked really embarrassed. It was funny, but I felt oddly slightly embarrassed as well. I've made a mental note to use a basket next time.

Just a block past the drugstore was a service station, so I stopped in and they checked the tire. Luckily, there wasn't really anything wrong with the tire. The little piston-thingy inside of the inflation outlet was stuck in the "in" position, so the air was just steadily leaking out. He fixed it for me and put a new cap on it (from what I could tell, he was saying that the cap had been missing and ice had gotten jammed in there). I asked how much it cost, but he said it was a free service. Rock on!

So now I am home. I have made little messes all over the house so that I have something to do/clean later when I get really bored. I'm currently working on my backlog of laundry, so I figure that is pretty good for now. :D

Guess that is about it. I've been a bit lonely because my best JET friend has been gone all week and might not even make it back tomorrow. She is out on an island that only has one ferry a day and it has been canceled for a few days because of the storms and the waves being too big. Normally, I get to hang out with her at least once in the course of the weekend, but not so this weekend. Feels lonely... She will be gone again for most of next week, albeit to non-island places, so she should be around next weekend. Whenever I think that I feel stranded and stuck in this town, I just think of her on the island. Ick. I hope the weather improves so that she can go home tomorrow.

Well, that really is it. This has been long and surely boring. But it did entertain me for a good 45 minutes. XD

Leave me a comment and let me know what y'all are up to! I'm bored and stuck at home, so I will most definitely respond! :D

2010-01-20T20:56:00.001-06:00

It is snowing outside. This should not come as a surprise. :D The thing is, it looks just like a snowglobe. Big flakes, swirling around before settling. The past two days have been above freezing (7 C / 40ish F), so everything was melting like crazy. All of the snow and ice on my roof finally fell off and I shoveled out a bit wider of a path outside of my front door. The warm weather was nice, but somehow, as soon as I saw it snowing today, I smiled. I am a true snowbird - but now I know that I like the American Midwest's version better; the version that involves lots of sunshine afterwards - even if it is butt cold.

I was supposed to be teaching today, but the JHS I was supposed to go to is closed due to the flu. So now I am a sad girl in the office with nothing to do until after lunch. I've done an inordinate amount of netsurfing and now feel a bit guilty. Back in the day, I would have come up with things to keep me occuppied and not just immediately turned to the internet, but here I am inspired by laziness.

Lunch is still 30 minutes away. I have somehow managed to use up another 15 minutes looking at Flickr. I love other people's photos. They're always so much better than mine. Sometimes people will say that they like my pictures, but I just know if they saw half of the stuff I see on flickr, they would not be so impressed. XD Which is ok. I guess I really take pictures for myself anyway. While it is satisfying that some people enjoy looking at my photos, I still feel as if they are pandering to me. :)

I went on a trip to Noboribetsu (http://www.noboribetsu-spa.jp/nobo/e/home-info.aspx) and Kushiro (http://www.kushiro.com/index2.html and http://www.jnto.go.jp/eng/location/regional/hokkaido/kusiro.html). I stayed one night at an amazing hot springs resort hotel called Dai-ichi Takimotokan (http://www.takimotokan.co.jp/english/paradise/index.html). I slept in a Japanese-style room, complete with tatami mats and a lovely and comfortable futon. In the one half-day and night that I was in Noboribetsu, I walked up and down the shopping street (on a hill!) looking for omiyage (i.e. souvenires for co-workers and friends), a place to eat and anything else interesting there might be in the town. I ended up ordering room service, as every restaurant in the town closed by 6pm and none of the restaurants inside the hotel opened until 8pm. After that, I went down to test out the 15 different hot spring baths that were available. I got in and out of 9 different baths - it was amazing. On the way down to the baths, I was tempted into a 10 minute foot massage. After the baths, I was tempted into a 30 minute back massage. All in all , Noboribetsu was all about spoiling myself. The only complaint I have with the hotel is that there is no such thing as a non-smoking room. The room I was in smelled so strongly of smoke that it felt as though I had someone next to me smoking ALL THE TIME. By the time I checked out of the hotel, my eyes felt irritated. So maybe it's not the best place to stay, but it certainly is the best hot springs place I've ever been to!

The sole, original purpose of visiting Kushiro was to see the Japanese Red-Crested Cranes. This species of crane is endangered and there are only a little over 1,000 left in the world. I met my friend Kate there and together we went on a trek to find the cranes. The cranes are very important to the Japanese, as they are a symbol of happiness and longevity. After seeing them, it felt as though I had just seen something really special. They are very large birds, but very beautiful. They also seem to be a fairly playful species of bird and not shy about making noise. They were a joy to find and watch.

While in Kushiro, Kate and I went exploring to see what else the city had to offer and the firm answer is: not much. There is a local food that is special to the area called robatayaki - which is grilled seafood, meat and vegetables over a wood fire. We ate at Renga (http://www.renga.jp/) to try this local specialty. I'll admit that I didn't think much of squid until I tried it freshly grilled. Yum!

The trip to Noboribetsu and Kushiro really made all the difference in my winter break. Before I went, I was feeling pretty depressed. Everyone was out traveling and no one had told me that the New Year's holiday would be a full week off of work, so next year I'll be a little wiser and get out of town for a bit over New Year's.

Well, guess that is about it for now. Lunch whistle is about to blow and I don't want to get a late start on that! :D

2009-12-30T00:36:00.004-06:00

when i walk down the street, i been trippin' on my feet*

Ah. But it is only 3:30pm and it is dark outside. The winter solstice, for most parts of the world, usually means that the days will start to get longer. For Hokkaido it just means that it gets darker even earlier due to day after day of snow storms as we head into the dead of winter. Talk about rough. Whew...

I'm finding it hard to admit that the lack of sunshine here has affected me as much as it has. Having lived in Minnesota for so many years, it kind of hurts my state pride. But alas, I must admit it. The fact that the sun never seems to come out here has taken its emotional toll on me. I find myself longing to see the sun again. To make matters worse - they don't sell just plain Vitamin D supplements to help tricking my body into thinking I've been exposed to sunlight. You can only find Vitamin D in combination with other vitamins and/or minerals and then it is in such miniscule amounts that it wouldn't make a dent in what your body needs in order to maintain a good mood.

I'm currently in the middle of winter school break -meaning that the kids are out of school, but I still have to "work" in the office. I am, however, taking a short vacation starting next Thursday. I spent the better part of today doing research, planning train schedules, booking hotels, etc. It is going to be an expensive trip considering I won't be doing anything too exciting. The expense comes mainly from the train fare. If I weren't going alone, I would drive there. But seeing as it is a 10-hour drive (in good weather), I wasn't about to undertake it alone. The train fare is almost half of the cost of going - it is double the cost of what I'll be paying at the hotels! Despite the cost, I'll admit that I am pretty excited for taking the train. Because my trips usually include other people, I end up driving and everyone splits gas. It's economical, but I don't really get to look at the scenery that way, or get a chance to close my eyes when I'm tired. This way, at least when it gets dark, I can close my lids for a bit and still be traveling towards my destination. :D So I should probably stop complaining about how much it costs. I think it is an okay expense once in a while. Plus, it is more expensive because I am traveling during a peak vacation time.

Not much else is going on. It is sometimes rough trying to get into a good pattern after such a big move. I've been here for over 5 months, but it still feels like I am adjusting. I bought a clarinet (used, wooden one) to practice, so that has brought me some relief through music. I also bought an aerobics step so that I can do step aerobics in the winter. I've only used that once, but it was fun. I would like to use it more, but it needs to have some grippy stuff put on the top of it because my feet keep sliding around. New shoes + new plastic step = umm...no. XD

What else? I feel like I never update here, so I don't even know where to start or even what people would find interesting to read. I wanted to post about the eccentricities of Japan and the little things that surprise me every day, but I can't really because there are just too many. By the time the day is over, I've noticed and forgotten tens of little things. And now that I am getting more used to things, there is so much that I don't even notice anymore. Weird things that I'm sure when I first came here amused me and probably would have amused you too. But those things, that newness, is a bit dulled and harder to see now. Ma na...se la vie.

Winter break lasts (for me) until January 18th. After that I hit the working fast and hard with two weeks of solid teaching. I've prepared most of what I need for the first 3 days back, but should probably start getting the other classes prepared. So ciao for now!

*Weezer - Put Me Back Together

2009-10-25T21:47:00.001-05:00

every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end

Up until now, I have not continued my weekly Grocery Titan and Grocery Saver posting. Part of it was due to the fact that I haven't been going grocery shopping every weekend and also to me not knowing what was a good price for something here in Japan. Now that I've gotten more used to cooking here and now knowing what is a good deal and what isn't, I can continue my Grocery Titan and Saver. This might be kind of neat insight for you (my dear one or two readers) into Japan.

(Oh, and now I can actually read my receipts, so that helps too!)

This week's Grocery Titan title goes to .... *drum roll* .... The 5 pack of apples, coming in at a stunning 495Yen (with today's exchange rate, that is $5.38). That's a kick in the crotch, but if I remember correctly, apples can be pretty expensive in the U.S. as well. Maybe not this expensive though...

This week's Grocery Saver title goes to .... *skips drum roll* .... the four pack of large shitake mushrooms for only 100Yen ($1.09). Mmm....

I bought a ton of fruit (bananas, oranges, apples) and veggies (spinach, mushrooms, carrots) this week, so here's to hoping I don't let them go to waste! Sometimes, I plan on eating at home and then somehow end up not. :/

I'm hoping to revive this blog before the end of the year is here. I need some place to put random thoughts, so I think this will be it. Not sure what to do with the LJ...Any ideas? I kind of wanted to keep it fandom (JE, HP, anime, etc) and photography based, but now I feel like it would be a hassle...We'll see. Still, any input would be appreciated!

2009-10-16T02:15:00.001-05:00

Today, I did something I am really proud of. I un-friended a guy on facebook because he is (to put it lightly) a douchebag. I had originally friended him because I met him at Chicago orientation and he seemed so scared and like he needed some cheering. Now he consistently tries to belittle me in comments on my status updates. So I deleted his comments AND un-friended him. It feels good to have a backbone. Life is too short for douchebags.

2009-10-01T01:38:00.001-05:00

Today, I used a half hour during the day to go to go pay a couple of bills. Here in Assabu, things are done in an interesting way when it comes to paying bills. I receive bills for gas (for the two-burner stove top and water heater), oil (for the kerosene stove), water, electric and phone (local calls and international billed separately). Most of my bills I can pay at the bank (which opens at 10am and closes at 3pm). This is pretty convenient as this is where my monthly paycheck is deposited. Some bills, however, I still have to pay at the place that supplies the services/goods. I pay the gas bill at one of the local hardware stores and the oil bill gets paid somewhere I have yet to discover. Once I start using the kerosene stove for heat in the winter, I will find that out.

Anyhow, I usually wait until I have at least 2 bills to pay and then I take a half hour in the afternoon when I am at the office. It's a nice break and it helps me to not feel too tired just sitting.

Today, while I was walking to run these errands, I noticed (as I have so many times before) that I walk with everything in my left hand or over my left shoulder. My right hand remains empty, even if my left side is laden down with many things. I usually don't notice this, but on occasion it becomes really obvious. Those who are, or have been, in the Armed Forces can probably guess why I have this habit: it is so that my right hand is free to salute an officer or warrant officer at any time. Even not having been Active Army, but having been deployed for almost a third of my 8 years of service, I have developed and continued this habit. I wonder if any other fellow servicemen have this same habit?

I don't try to change this habit. There's really no reason to and I like to think that it helps even out the natural strength differential between my right (dominant) and left arms. Of course, that may just be a convenient excuse to cover the strange feeling of nostalgic pride I feel every time I notice it…

2009-06-15T16:09:00.002-05:00

one more robot learns to feel*

Ah....today is one of those "f*ck it" days where even the slightest discouragement makes me want to just say "f*ck it". I'm moody and I have a sneaking suspicion as to why. It feels like it wasn't that long ago that I was feeling this same way - it certainly doesn't feel like it has been 3 weeks. Suck. Also put into a bit of an irritable mood by the mere fact that it is Monday and I really don't feel like coming to work anymore. Only 11 work days left after today. Really will only work out to 10 because I'm sure my last day will be nothing but goofing around. Plus, if I am this distracted now, I can only imagine that coming to work will soon only be going through the motions and my mind and everything else will be, well, elsewhere.

In other, lighter news, This weekends Grocery Titan title goes to the SaraLee ovenroasted turkey breast that I bought at the deli counter totaling $4.98 for .57 lbs of goodness. Normally, I would scoff at paying so much for lunch meat, but don't really have sandwiches that often any more and figured it would be ok to splurge here and there. So that was it. If it weren't for that, the Grocery Titan would have been the sandwich bread rounds (8 pack) for $3.00 even.

As per usual, the bananas I bought came in as the Grocery Saver for the week. You just can't beat the nutrition in bananas at 53 cents a pound.

Guess that is about it. I'll quit boring you with the mundane details of my life and let you get on with the week. ;-P

*The Flaming Lips - One More Robot - Sympathy 3000-21

2009-06-08T16:06:00.001-05:00

i'm not that eager to make a mistake*

Have been going through a lot of stuff that has been either stuffed away in boxes or just laying around for months/years. I've stopped waffling around and decided to get rid of my "Ultimate Workout Log". I bought it in 2007 when I was motivated to actually be on some sort of exercise regimen. Now, I don't need to record my activity in a log because I have a pretty regular schedule that I adhere to because I enjoy it, rather than loathe it. I'm going to get rid of the workout log so I figured that one or two of my coworkers might be interested in having it. I wrote all of my entries in pencil, so they can easily be erased. As I was flipping through it to make sure there weren't any entries made in pen, I came across a note that I had written above the "By the Numbers" fact that was included on the page. The By the Numbers fact is: "50 mph: Top speed of a lion. 32 mph: Top speed of a giraffe. 30 mph: Top speed of a kangaroo. 27.9 mph: Top speed of a human. 25 mph: Top speed of an elephant." Above it, I wrote: "Why not something more important - like the top speed of an angry bear? I'd like to know my chances..." How apt that is, considering I'm moving to an area of Japan that has one of the largest populations of Japanese Brown Bears... Hopefully I will not find out firsthand.

This weekend was an expensive weekend. I went clothes shopping on Saturday with Nailz, so that really made the cost of the weekend go up. I mostly shopped at Marshalls for some business clothes for teaching. I got 6 items (one being a navy blue 2-piece skirt suit) for $113. The suit was the most expensive at $29. Everything else I got for $20 or under. Pretty good considering they are all nice items...

I also got rid of 3 grocery bags packed full of books. I sold some to Barnes & Noble for store credit and scored the new Mark Bittman food/cookbook and a manga. The books that Barnes & Noble didn't take (which was actually most of them...), I took to Half Price Books and got $50 cash. Fun times. I picked up three new CDs: The Flaming Lips - Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots, JET - Get Born and one from a group called Hiroshima, album title is "East". The last album was very interesting. It's a group from Japan that mixed Jass, New Age and traditional Japanese sounds in the late 1980s. Very interesting. Something completely different from everything else I have. :)

Sunday, I went shopping at Target for a new purse (the strap on mine was about ready to break - and it did during that shopping trip). While there I picked up a cute, fake-leather tote for work in Japan. It has a spot for my laptop and looks like it will be fairly ideal for taking stuff too and from school in lieu of a briefcase. I also found the best thing since sliced bread. Behold.

If you read the review, it looks like I might need to save my receipt. But the idea of a reversible belt is pretty dang cool. I'm willing to give it a try because if it breaks, I can just take it back to Target.

In other (great) news, I have gotten in contact with my predecessor. She is British and seems absolutely lovely. She has already answered my major questions. Now I just need to pick her brain about the small stuff.

The work day cannot come to a close fast enough. Only a few more minutes, so...

*Bob Dylan - Things Have Changed

2009-06-07T22:55:00.001-05:00

don't think me unkind, words are hard to find*

So a couple of completely random things that have one thing in common: they have been both been found after having been lost.

The first thing I found earlier this week when exploring the pantry. I found a jar of something tomato based that my Mom had canned for me long ago. (I'm pretty sure that I've moved that jar of something from one apartment to the next without ever investigating it.) Opened it to find out what it was. I knew it had to be either salsa or pasta sauce. It was salsa, but it smelled funny, so I decided to taste it to see if it was good. It was and the reason it smelled funny was because it was loaded with Tabasco sauce. So have been using it up in recipes and on scrambled eggs on the weekends.

The other thing is that I came across my old CPU. When I say old, I mean 1998. Yes, it is only 11 years old, but that is almost a dinosaur in computer years. It is a Packard Bell Multimedia 730.

Stats:
- MII-266 MMX Enhanced processor
- 4.3 GB HDD
- 40 MB SyncDRAM
- 56 Kbps capable modem
- 24x Max variable speed CD-ROM Drive (notice it's not writeable)

It still (miraculously) works. I do get the occasional BSOD. Today, I fired it up to get all of the data off of it from college. I was hoping to hook up the external HD to migrate the data, but no dice. The old CPU wanted a driver for the HD. I had to resort to...*pauses for dramatic effect*...floppy disks. Luckily, I had all of the documents that were on the HD on a stack of floppies numbering 42 in total.

When I fired up the old PC, I had only plugged in the necessary items to get the data transfered. Then I noticed that the CD drive was doing something. It was playing a CD. I pushed the eject button but the drive door wouldn't open. I tried to pry the CD drawer open while pressing eject. Nothing. It occurred to me that the CD stuck in this drive might be my long lost Police CD that I had been on-and-off wracking my brain to figure out what had ever happened to it. I said to Nailz, "If this is my Police CD...*leaves out further vulgar statement*". Sadly, though the old PC only has a few ports on it, it took a few minutes to find the correct place to plug in speakers and then another minute or two to figure out how to make sound come out. There were four places to check for volume: the media player, the speakers themselves, the icon tray and on the old PC itself (right below the CD-ROM drive). Finally sound came out and I was greeted with the beginning beats of "Roxanne". I couldn't help but give out a surprised, "You bastard!!". For years I have been trying to figure out what had happened to that CD...

Ah...but now that 'tis found, I feel complete again. It must be hitsuzen, as The Police is perfect for the first real rainy day we've had all spring.

*The Police - De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da

2009-05-28T15:54:00.003-05:00

i don't know what more to ask for - i was given just one wish*

The month of May is coming to an emotionally bombastic conclusion. A lot has been happening. Last week was a super-stressful week at work due to last minute big project changes. I don't remember if I blogged it or not, but on the 14th, I told my boss about my impending move to Japan, so while that released a lot of built-up pressure, it also created a bit of collateral stress in relations with coworkers. All that stress made this past 3-day weekend feel really good. It was amazing how by Sunday night I was feeling something close to human again.

This week has been going quickly, thanks to Monday being a holiday. Yesterday, I received notification of my placement for the JET Program. I will be teaching in a small town called Assabu on the southern peninsula of Hokkaido (the northernmost island). I originally mistook the town to be Asabu, which is an area in Sapporo city (a bustling city of 1.8 million with 3 types of wonderful public transportation). I am still pretty excited, but I think it might take a while to get used to being the only foreigner there.

Because of finding out my placement, I didn't sleep a wink last night. (Did I mention they have one of the largest populations of Ezo Higuma (Japanese brown bears) there? They look a lot like grizzlies...) Tossed and turned all night and really didn't feel like getting up for work today. Got here and there's not much work to be had - yet.

Another happening is that, as of today, I am officially released from the Army. I have completed all 8 years of my contract. As of today, I am once again a civilian with all of the freedoms inherent in that role. I wrote about this event in my personal (aka paper) journal last night before going to bed and I went much more in depth. At this point, I wish I could rhapsodize about my service, but I just don't have the energy or concentration. There is more emotion connected with this ending than I anticipated. I had only anticipated joy at the end of my contract; now, I realize that it really is the end of a personal era and that comes with a mixed bag of emotions.

On a completely different note, this weekend is already jam packed with entertainment. Every once in a while I have one of those weekends where there is no time; the kind where I'll be out doing stuff most of the weekend. The bad thing about that is that I have A LOT of stuff to start doing in preparation for my overseas departure... I really need to get my act together on that one.

Squirrely News of the Odd

*Royksopp - What Else is There?

2009-05-10T21:38:00.004-05:00

maybe run from the darkness in the night*

I have been in kind of a funk the last couple of weeks that I just can't seem to get out of. After chatting with Nailz in the kitchen this evening, I realized that it's not anxiety that I'm feeling. I'm feeling restless, yet paralyzed. I know that there is a lot that needs to be done before I move, but it just doesn't really register yet. Instead of sitting myself down to think about what needs to be done when, I just keep distracting myself. If I keep this up, it will eventually catch up to me. I really need to sit still for a couple of hours and work out how and when everything needs to be done. I do feel like I can step forward out of this funk soon, though. Ever notice how sometimes just putting your finger on what's going on can help you to break through?

Anywho - enough seriousness. I would like to announce this week's Grocery Titan as the 4 lb bag of Jasmine Rice coming in at $4.63, just barely ahead of the bottle of pickled ginger at $4.39. The rest of my groceries were pretty reasonable. Of course, I only had 5 things. I felt really confident going to the store that I wasn't forgetting any items on my list. Ah...but of course I did. *laughs at self* I needed to get more coffee beans. Will have to stop tomorrow after work just to make sure I have them.

As a last note, this week's Grocery Saver was the bunch of 5 bananas coming in at a mere $1.20. Yay for bananas!!

Had a good weekend, for the most part. Felt really quite inert, but guess I did get a little bit done. Why does the urge to purge belongings always hit at about 10pm on a work night? Maybe I'll go through just one small box to make myself feel better.

*U2 - Running to Stand Still

2009-05-04T15:08:00.002-05:00

i know i'm able to let go of more baggage than i give myself credit for*

1119 hrs:
Having a tough time at work today. Somehow I've managed to keep myself from wanting to strangle people. As of last week, the continual lump in my throat has reappeared. Last week was super-stressful because of the project that I've been assigned to and just now I got a phone call from one of the (many) project managers that are trying to run it. Judging by that phone call, it is looking to be another stressful week. I would like to know what kind of cardinal work sin I've committed in the past that I am being punished for by this project....I'll put it this way: I'm pulling my punches when I say that I hate this project. If I could, I would give this project to my absolute worst enemy. Too bad I don't have one. *sigh* I realize I'm probably being overly dramatic about it, but it really is completely stressful and I feel powerless to even try to deal with it.

So yes. I was kind of hoping to go through one of those blah Mondays where nothing really happens and you just kind of float through. Guess not.

Last night I stayed up way too late. I finished off my latest journal, so I was looking for the next one to use (I have these in full stock) and came across some journals that I had only used a few pages of when I was younger. Of course, this meant that I had to read them. How strange it is to read my journal from 1992 (when I was 13 years old)... Some of the entries are pretty funny. Most of them are horrifyingly embarrassing. The urge to start a bonfire and throw the offending journals in it were strong. Eventually, I put the old journals away to decide about another day and settled on a nice spiral bound journal for the present and wrote a short entry because by then it was after 1am.

Don't know what it is, but something doesn't seem right these last couple of days. (And for some reason, when I think of the uneasy feeling I have, it evokes images of the bathroom sink... *doesn't get it*) I'm really wishing that I could take a day off just to get away from this work project. I'm leaning more and more towards giving notice of my resignation sooner rather than later so that maybe they can actually hire someone. Maybe then the new person can take the last half of this project (which is going to be HUGE and 10X worse than the part we're on now). The number of (frustratingly huge) projects that are getting handed to me makes me think that most likely my manager wouldn't have time to find a way to fire me (out of spite) before I leave and also might actually try to get someone hired for when I'm gone so my cow-orkers don't get tortured with more work... Of course, I haven't completely decided when I want my last day to be. I've been dwelling on June 30th being the last day at work (with a pay end date of July 6th after taking the rest of my vacation), but that would mean I would be without an income for almost all of July and that is when most of the big expenses of this whole move are going to hit. *frets*

What do you guys think? Should I give my notice earlier and hope for the best or do you think 3 weeks (because the last week will be vacation days) will do?

*Ellis - Doin' Fine

2009-05-01T15:51:00.002-05:00

if your time to you is worth savin', then you better start swimmin' or you'll sink like a stone*

0811 hrs:
I'm allowing a blog post from work today. This work week has been a lot like I've always hoped it wouldn't be. I've never wanted to be the person who works unpaid overtime for a corporation that will never recognize your efforts. I was that person this week and the resulting stress has taken its toll on my complexion. My face looks like a hormonal teenager's. All of this extra work is a result of my manager being unofficially promoted because the company recently re-organized and laid off middle-management. Now my manager has more responsibility and so she is off-loading her work onto all of us. Problem is, the person who should be doing this work should be a manager - not just a business analyst (the lowest rung on the corporate ladder - well, except for maybe the cleaning staff - in terms of decision-making-cred). I feel absolutely that I have just been set up to fail.

I'm trying not to stress too much about it from here on out, because 2 months from now I won't be working here. I think the worst part of it isn't the work, it's the attitude of my manager. She laughs at her staff's stress because now we "know how she feels". Um....yeah. Nailz suggested calling her a stupid cow in my head every time I have to talk to her and so far it has helped a good deal.

Two things are for certain: 1) I am indescribably relieved that it is Friday and 2) I am not answering any work-related calls after I leave the office tonight.

1528 hrs:
Friday can really be the cruelest day of all. The morning did a good job of speeding by - this afternoon...Not so much. *droops*

Because my boss has been out of the office since Tuesday (and she won't be back at this location until Wednesday of next week), I have been very relaxed with my office attire. Our location is pretty lax anyway on dress code (i.e. we can wear jeans every day, but a nice top is recommended), but I've taken the effort to make sure to wear a t-shirt with my jeans every day this week. XD It is the most I can do to flip the proverbial "V"s at The Man.

The weather outside has turned partly sunny. From what I can see through the 1 small window in our office and from the reports of the smokers, today is cool, but not cold. Maybe I will go run off this work week when I get home. Sometimes, there is nothing that feels more free than running. It would be grand start to the weekend, me thinks. Considering I've skipped all other physical activities this week due to either work or laziness, I think it would do me some good to get out.

Was thinking on my drive to work this morning about trees. Of course, I think about trees a lot. I don't think there is a day that has gone by in the past 6 months that I haven't thought about them. This led me to think about maybe checking out a job in forestry. I think it is a pretty stable field and one in which I think I could really feel at home. Working with trees and forests would also mean working around birds and other wildlife. That would be pretty kick ass. I don't know much about it, so I think that maybe I'll spend some time this weekend looking into it...

Mood: vindicated (some days it's ok to let people blow sunshine up your *beep* )

*Bob Dylan - The Times They Are A Changin'

2009-04-21T17:13:00.002-05:00

i want to stand where i can see*

Having a really busy week. Wish I had something to say, but I don't really. I'm in the apathetic stage where all I really want to do is sleep. Ah~ but that thing called work gets in the way. Oh poo...

*Yellowcard - Keeper

2009-04-18T21:31:00.002-05:00

Found this info on The Plastic Lens and wanted to pimp it a bit here in case there are some photographers out there who use pinhole cameras. I know that I will be out doing my best to shoot some good shots, rain or shine. XD

Dear Pinhole Photographer,

Worldwide Pinhole Photography Day will be celebrated on Sunday, April 26, 2009. Please join the celebration! www.pinholeday.org. If you are able to help with publicity or translations, especially Chinese, please email support@pinholeday.org.

THE DETAILS:
The coordinators of the eigth Worldwide Pinhole Photography Day are busy preparing for this upcoming major global festival. It will be the traditional last Sunday in April; the next one will be April 26, 2009. Anyone, anywhere in the world, who makes a pinhole photograph on Pinhole Day, can scan the image and upload it to the www.pinholeday.org website where it will become part of this premier gallery of lenless photography.

Last year, 2628 participants from 62 countries contributed images to the WPPD 2008 Gallery. Over 100 events - workshops, exhibits, lectures, etc. - were held throughout the world. All of these events were coordinated locally by volunteers.

If you don’t have this celebration marked on your calendar please do it soon! Join the world in this joyous celebration of simple photography.

Watch the www.pinholeday.org website for more information.

HOW YOU CAN HELP…
- We are looking for help with our publicity efforts in various countries and regions. These local or regional coordinators would be part of the team that our Publicity Coordinator, Paolo Aldi, is assembling to spread the word about our sublime, yet joyously wacky, annual pinhole exhibit. Mostly this would be emails to publications, schools, galleries and other groups in your area. If you would like to help with this effort, please contact publicity at publicity@pinholeday.org.

- If you’d like to organize an event, such as a workshop, lecture or a photo shoot, you can add it to the events calendar at www.pinholeday.org/events or contact events at events@pinholeday.org. An event can be as simple as a pinhole excursion with friends or interested photographers, or it can be a workshop or exhibit. Check the “Workshop Resources” documents on the Pinhole Day Resource page for ideas.

- If you are a teacher, your students can participate in WPPD as a group. To do this, enter your class’s participation as an event at http://www.pinholeday.org/events/addevent.php. Choose “classroom” as the type of event. Your class will be listed as a “group” in the gallery. When your class is selected from the group list, it will create a virtual exhibit of your students’ work.

- If you are a graphic designer… we’re interested in suggestions for a new, or alternative, logos. Please submit your ideas to support@pinholeday.org.

Another major holiday is in the works for April 26, 2009! We all look forward to your photograph in the 2009 gallery.

WPPD 2009 Coordinating Team
Tom Miller (Lead & Events - USA)
Nick Dvoracek (Support - USA)
Chuck Flagg (Education - USA)
Paolo Aldi (Publicity - Italia)
Jason Schlauch (Webmaster - USA)
Wolfgang Thoma (Translations - Belgium)

2009-04-17T16:29:00.002-05:00

it's just a ride, no need to run, no need to hide*

1624 hrs:

So. It is Friday and I am just waiting for this work day to end. I don't think I have blogged this week. I have been super-busy and every time I think about blogging I always forget what I want to say. Now is a good example. A lot has been happening in my little world. As almost everyone (except my employer and my coworkers) already knows, I was accepted into the JET Program. I'm pretty excited, but really nervous all the same. Sometimes it really hits me that I will be living in Japan by the end of summer and my stomach lurches. I must admit that at first, it occurred to me to chicken out, but I'm going to do what Henry Rollins does and take that as a sign that I really need to do it. Because when the first reaction is a little bit of fear, it shows that there is an area and an opportunity to expand my mind and my self. Cheers.

*JEM - Just a Ride

2009-04-08T23:14:00.004-05:00

i wonder sometimes about the outcome of a still verdictless life

I called one of my best friends today for the first time since December. I stopped calling her because every time I called, it was like all I had time to say was "hello" and "bye". I felt like a wall that she was just talkingtalkingtalking at - never pausing...never asking how I'd been. At first, I put it down to her just having her third child and losing her mind. (Which would only be natural, right?)

After "talking" to her just now for 20 minutes after all of her children were in bed, I still only got the opportunity to say "hello" and "goodbye" and a couple of "uh huh"s. I know life can be hectic. I know that having children and a husband puts demands on a mother that I could never fully understand, but ... I feel like I've lost one of my best friends. She's disappeared and I am so incredibly sad. But sad only for myself because I'm sure she didn't even notice that she didn't even stop to ask what I'd been up to lately. I'm just someone to tell things to. And I'm selfishly sad, because it seems as though everyone else has somehow managed to remain friends with her. So it is my fault anyway and right now I can't even stand saying the word "I".

2009-04-07T15:45:00.004-05:00

pick yourself up, it's a brand new day, so turn yourself around to the sun*

6 April 2009

0830 hrs:

Another Monday. Not that I particularly mind. I had drill this weekend, so coming back to a job where I actually have a purpose and something to actually DO all day is refreshing. Of course, I think laying in my bed sleeping would also probably be fairly refreshing. :D

My dear Readers, please forgive me. I had forgotten to mention last week that the Friday before last, none other than Jo-L phoned me and left me a voice mail message (this after I went to a fabulous happy hour with my cow-orkers and made great eye contact and conversation with the ever-hot Mr. M). I was pretty shocked, but really (deep down) very pleased. It's not that I want anything to do with Jo-L - it's just that lately I have been feeling a significant ebb in self esteem, so it was nice to be reassured that there was at least one man out there (that wasn't crazy or creepy) that is attracted to me.

As mentioned before, I had drill this weekend. I always end up so tired at the end of drill weekends, so yesterday after I got home I did a bit of cleaning and then took a long bath. I waxed my eyebrows, exfoliated my feet and put on a mint julep face mask and then after the bath I smothered my skin in body butter. It felt awesome!! And, I woke up feeling a bit more ready for the week than normal.

Today's mission after work is to go outside and take the rest of a roll of color film so I can drop it off for development tomorrow. I was the official photographer for a retirement ceremony yesterday, so I am anxious to see if they turned out. I was so nervous and my flash wasn't working very well, so we'll see...

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30015149/?pg=1#Health_Rodale_FatfighterSnacks

7 April 2009

1009 hrs:

On a conference call. Most of the stuff being discussed has nothing to do with me. I have to wait patiently for my turn. -__-

This morning started out pretty crappy, but the day is slowly getting better.

Went through this weekend's receipts this morning during my break and came across my grocery bill. Feels like forever since I announced the Grocery Titan. This week it was hard to choose. In terms of total price, the bag of navel oranges comes out on the top at $2.50 (on sale), but in terms of actual raw cost, the title of Grocery Titan would have to go to ... the 1 "Jazz" apple I bought. At $2.49/lb, this one apple cost me a whopping $1.27! But I've never heard of this type of apple, so I would like to try it. I feel like an apple connoisseur...

Interestingly, I think this week's Grocery Saver would be the navel oranges. One bag (probably about 3 or 4 lbs of oranges) was only $2.50. Cub was having a sale and it is really worth it!

I also got a bit of a shock when I reached for a package of beef liver in the frozen meat section. A pound of liver used to be one of the cheapest forms of meat available, usually costing a little over a $1/lb. When I bought the 1 lb package of liver this weekend it was $2.29! Though it is still not the most expensive meat, it is still quite a jump....

http://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifestyle/your-individual-development-plan.html

1535 hrs:

Well, the day is almost over. Thank goodness!! My contacts are driving me crazy today. Usually I wear (one of my three pairs of) glasses, but I've decided to mix up "my look" even more by wearing contacts here and there. I am so glad that I brought my rewetting drops with me to work! Otherwise, I would go crazy rubbing my eyes...

Something I forgot to mention earlier was that this morning when the alarm was going off, I thought it was Sunday and that I had to get up for drill. I was totally dreading getting up until I realized that it was really Tuesday. This made me happy because it means there are only 2 more days in this work week. I'll be taking a 4-day weekend (woohoo!) for Easter. I am looking forward to the change of scenery and to not being at any type of work for 4 days in a row. In the last 5 weeks, I have only had 4 days off, so I think it's time to let loose a little. XD

Guess that's about it. Ciao for now!

*The Gorillaz - Demon Days

2009-04-02T16:10:00.003-05:00

we move a mile a minute just to keep ourselves in it*

0849 hrs:
I think it is a crime that today is only Thursday. The disappointment at waking up to realize it was not Friday was almost visceral. Though the sun is shining, there is a cloud following me around today. I feel like being a complete killjoy just to have company in my self-induced misery. Ha! Actually, I'm in a pretty good mood, but I still feel like being mean for no good reason. My Mr. Hyde, so to speak, is trying to run rampant today. Nothing but trouble, I tell you.

1453 hrs:
I am super!distract-able right now. I started feeling drowsy after lunch and now I'm just loopy and distracted. I feel like I've gotten absolutely nothing done since before lunch. The boss is out, so we all have been chatting while doing work. In my case, I haven't really gotten anything done. Complete space case right now.

Mr. M is out sick today. I noticed yesterday that he was sniffling and had a slight cough, so it is not surprising. I dream of calling in sick. It's been since ... *goes to check* mid-February that I called in sick and that has been my only sick day this year.

1609 hrs:
Totally got distracted. Now it is time to go home for the day - Huzzah!!

*Stroke 9 - City Life

2009-04-01T15:57:00.002-05:00

follow my ruin*

1130 hrs:

Allowing myself a blog post created at work today. It has been a really stressful today at work. Things have been happening that we only wish were an April Fool's joke. Upsetting things - BUT, I still have a job (as far as I know anyway).

It seems that the last two days have been nothing but super-stressful.

I woke up late this morning. First, I woke up at 6:14am thinking that it was really 7:14am and had hit the snooze too many times, so that was a near-heart attack. Then, because I thought I was late, I must have shut off my alarm entirely, so when I went back to sleep (because I had 3 snoozes left, dammit), there was no alarm to wake me up. I woke up at 7:05am and the first word out of my mouth was "shit". (Well, that's expected, isn't it?) Days starting with the word "shit" are usually not the best. And so the day has been pretty mean. In the end I was only 1/2 hour late for work, but I stayed a 1/2 hour late last night, so maybe my boss will let me slide on this one. I'll have to talk to her, but really - she might not be my boss any more. How f*cked up is that?

I just keep telling myself to calm down and take it easy, but...well...I'm just too tired from all of this recent work stress that I just don't have the energy to think rationally about all this stuff anymore. All of this "right-sizing" and re-organizing is total bullshit. Where do employers get off with jerking their employees around all the time. Who wants to work for a place like that?

My stress level is not helped any by the fact that soon I will be finding out the results of the JET interview. Pretty sure I probably won't hear anything until next week, but just the fact that it is now officially April and the website says the results will be announced in "early April" makes my stomach twist and turn. Also, I have drill this weekend. You know what's on the training schedule? NADA. Of course, they should just write in "thumb up ass time" because that's what we'll end up doing.

Right now, I wish I could take a vacation day from my life.

1555 hrs:
HA. HA. *drips with sarcasm* We've been punk'd. Jerks. Happy April Fools Day!! All the work drama for the first 6 hours of my work day was an April Fools joke. *despite being embarrassed about reaction, is still very relieved to still have a job*

*Royksopp - Follow My Ruin

2009-03-26T16:03:00.002-05:00

but everything looks perfect from far away*

1545 hrs:
Guh. The project I've been thrown into is sucking away all of my normal work time and is guaranteeing that I won't be able to take any time off until April 13th. To some this may not be a big deal, but I really, really just need a day to decompress that isn't a weekend. After the stress of knowing about the lay offs and then taking on almost all of that person's work and continued to do all of my own, I am the only one in the office who hasn't taken at least a half day of work off, plus I had drill the weekend before last, so I even missed out on a whole weekend. Seeing everyone else around me loosen up and take days off is breaking my heart. It doesn't help that my manager isn't helping in anyway. I got thrown into this project completely blind (because the other person was working on it) and I sound like a complete ass on the conference calls because I don't know what's going on. Today is the first time that I got to say anything with any authority and gain a bit more steady footing.

*le sigh*

So. Unhappy with work. Wish the sun would come back sometime soon. Four days of gray, cloudy cold is really dragging me down. The days are beginning to feel like I am walking through wet cement. I am really glad, however, that tomorrow is Friday.

*The Postal Service - Such Great Heights

2009-03-25T15:26:00.003-05:00

still the wanting comes in waves*

1519 hrs:
I have been very conflicted at work. While I am happy to busy (very!) again, I am uncomfortable some of the time when ever-the-hottie Mr. M is here. I am super!distracted and I feel extremely self-conscious (but in a very bad way). I try to avoid him as much as possible while still hoping to get a glance of him. Why am I so stupid about it?

Any suggestions from my readership on what to do in order to be able to act normal again around him? OR, if we're really daring, we could think of ways that I can not only act normal, but ways to act in that would induce ardor on his part?

I have lots of think-y thoughts about cute boys, crushes, etc that I wish I could delve into. I think I will have to sit down and put them all down at some point. Maybe that would help me out...

*The Decemberists - The Wanting Comes in Waves

2009-03-20T17:04:00.004-05:00

my day at work was just like it always is: same old, same old. i appreciate the opportunity, over and over*

Today is rainy and gray. As I sit in front of the laptop (PC is "in the shop") at the kitchen table, I stare through the window, out at the parking lot and think, "What is it that I normally do on a rainy day?" ... I can't quite remember.

The last week has found me very busy at work and basically brain-dead at the end of the day because of it. I also have not found the internet to be anything exciting or entertaining like it used to be. I feel lost when I can't think of something to do. Instead, I just lay down and go to sleep. All of the emotional stress of knowing about, and then surviving, the layoffs at work has really drained me.

I don't have any big plans this weekend. I am looking forward to being home most of the time and perhaps doing some spring cleaning to welcome in the official start of the season.

Lately, I feel as though I am forgetting about something. Something important. But I don't think that I am. Maybe it is because in a couple of weeks, I will know the result of the JET interview. That will be nice to know - that way I will feel a sense of purpose again - no matter which way it is decided.

Well, guess that is about it. In a bit, I'll be meeting up with Nailz and one of her coworkers for Happy Hour. Hopefully, I won't feel so drained by then.

*Cloud Cult - Breakfast with My Shadow

2009-03-10T23:07:00.002-05:00

even if it's a lie, say it will be alright and i shall believe*

Today were the layoffs. Only one person from our office (of 20 employees) was laid off. I still have a job to go to tomorrow. It is such a strange feeling to be so relieved for yourself, yet feel terrible for your coworker. When I think about it, I get a hard lump in my throat. I knew I was stressed out about the impending layoffs, but now I realize just how VERY stressed out I was. I felt like crying from the relief of it. And I feel like today is the first time I've really smiled since the first announcement over 2 weeks ago.

It's not that there will be no danger of more layoffs, but for now I am really, truly and completely thankful to still have a job.

*Sheryl Crow - I Shall Believe

2009-02-26T22:08:00.003-06:00

if we were feckless we'd be fine, sucking hard on our innocence

0923 hrs:
From the most mundane to the bigger questions of life, I have a lot on my mind today. I wish I was at home so that I could actually take the time to think things through. Of course, depending on how many and who gets laid off from my office, I may have plenty of time in the near future to sit at home and ponder the big and little things of life. Boss Lady told us on Tuesday afternoon (right before the end of the work day) that there were going to be lay offs, but she didn't know the time frame for them yet. Fun times. It's always nice working at a job you're not quite sure you're going to have tomorrow.

As much as I hate to say it, I think all arrows point to me when it comes to the lay off. As I've said before, I haven't really been assigned a specific job role since I returned from deployment in August. This doesn't mean that I haven't been busy or that I haven't had work - it's just that it has been helping other people (who have solid, clear job roles) with their work load because everyone was (and still is, really) behind when I returned to work.

Not only does the lack of a clear job role put me in the danger zone, so does the fact that I am the ONLY one here who is single, has no children and does not own a home that needs the mortgage paid on. I'm also young, educated and an efficient worker with a good work history - which means my boss may feel better for laying me off with the thought that I could more easily find a job than others here AND no children or husbands would become homeless and hungry if I couldn't find a job right away. Isn't it wonderful being single? I'm on the verge of ranting about how American society passively punishes people who choose to remain single and childless, but I'll refrain. Because my life is obviously worth so much less than those who have chosen to get married and reproduce, it wouldn't matter if I yelled until I was blue in the face anyway. Yeah - bitter much? You could say that.

1357 hrs:
Listening to a mix CD that I so aptly titled "Downer Music". That encourages people to listen to it, eh? Good songs on it though:

Red Hot Chili Peppers - I Could've Lied
American Hi-Fi - Don't Wait for the Sun
Barenaked Ladies - Break Your Heart
LIVE - Turn My Head
LIVE - Ghost
LIVE - Gas Hed Goes West
Gary Allan - Smoke Rings in the Dark
Ellis - promises
Chris Issak - Wicked Game
Backstreet Boys - Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely *hides in shame*
Lisa Loeb - Falling in Love
Indigo Girls - Center Stage
Annie Lennox - Why (unplugged version)

2009-02-23T20:13:00.002-06:00

but there's something pulling me

Got home around 6:30 pm from the four-day weekend in Chicago. My JET interview was this morning at 9:30 am. It went ok. I'm not very good at reading those types of things, so who knows how it really went. I will always be very critical of things like interviews, so I always think I did worse than I did. I could sit and recount all the little details, but I'm sure that wouldn't help. Once I send out a Thank You note, all I can do is wait until April to get notification of whether or not I get in to the program. Out of all of the candidates that were in the waiting area, I was the only one who was not in a full business suit. I didn't want to look too stuffy or formal, so I was dressed in a nice blouse and skirt outfit. It was by no means casual, but I did feel distinctly out of place. I don't think that will harm me, though. What does one write in a Thank You note? I wonder if I can include a quick note about something that I think may have been unclear, but important? Any ideas? I'll want to send one soon. So I'll probably buy a card and write it tomorrow.

Other than that, the weekend in Chicago was pretty good! I don't think a trip where I come back with 2 pairs of new boots could ever be deemed a failure, even if everything else would have gone wrong. I got to meet up with 2 friends who live in Chicago, so that was really awesome! I did miss getting to meet BookKitten, but I'm sure I'll be back to Chicago sometime soon, as it was really a fun city.

I'd like to write more about it, but I'm feeling like I should take a shower and get ready for bed, as I do have to go in to work tomorrow. SO - ciao for now and hopefully I'll blog a bit more about the trip soon!

2009-02-17T15:41:00.001-06:00

now i wonder what my life is going to mean if it's gone*

0801 hrs:

Good morning! Well, it'll be afternoon by the time people get to read this, eh?

I'm having a strange morning. You know how people tend to settle into certain patterns of doing things? I am no exception. In fact, I think I enjoy the pattern (to an extent most people don't ever consciously think about) - the rhythm - of my morning routine. I had it all backwards this morning, but that's not what has thrown me off. It's thrown me off that it was so light outside on the drive to work. It being light outside also led to me being able to see some lady throw up while she was crossing the street. Gross! I'm sure there isn't anyone out there who enjoys seeing people hurl, but I have a very strong reaction against it. I'm not quite sure what it is with me and my curse of seeing people puke in public. I once saw an old, drunk (and probably homeless) man throw up outside of gas station I was driving past. Why did my eyes have to look at him? Ugh. I'm just glad I didn't have to hear it, because that's worse than the visual for me.

Anywho, sorry for the gross stuff, but I needed to share the pain. That one moment threw off the whole next hour. It probably threw off that lady's whole day though.

1034 hrs:

Last night I dyed my hair in preparation for the Chicago trip. I had about 2 1/2 inches of darker roots showing and I wanted to get rid of them. I usually dye my hair a nice, warm, dark auburn. Last night I went for a medium, warm brown instead. Though I was born a red head and still have reddish tints to my hair, I still like my hair color to be warmer than it naturally is. The brown looks really nice - mainly because it didn't really turn out a real brown. As it happened the last time I tried brown, my hair turned out a rich red-brown. I'm happy though because it looks natural and the roots are gone - yay!

I have a busy evening after work is over. I am going to stop at Walgreen's on the way home from work to get a passport photo taken (another reason why I wanted to dye my hair last night). A photo is necessary for the interview voucher that will allow me into the interview to begin with. I wore something a bit nicer to work than usual and actually did something decent with my hair. Didn't have time to put on make up this morning, so I brought my bag to work so I can put it on in the late afternoon. I never wear make up, so I'm sure my cow-orkers will be curious about the occasion. I'll be mysterious and let them believe that I'm meeting with someone of significance after work. Which is sort of true anyway, because after the stop at Walgreen's, I have a 1 hour massage appointment.

Later in the evening, I am supposed to go lap swimming with Cathy. Not sure I want to spoil my massage that way, but we don't really swim all that much anyway or swim very hard for that matter either, since we use the kickboard a lot and chat as we do the laps. >__<

1529 hrs:

I'm feeling not so great at the moment. I need to go home and get some good sleep tonight. I feel like I'm getting too worn down and am at risk for getting seriously sick if I don't make myself rest some. I've cancelled my massage appointment and will be calling Cathy to cancel on lap swimming as well.

In other news, as of tomorrow, I will discontinue blogging daily. As everyone knows, the economy is getting pretty bad and due to some unexpected news here at work, I will be making sure to dedicate all of my working hours and time to helping out my department in any way I can (even if it's manual labor). No time to chit chat anymore.

It's been a lovely ride, hasn't it?

*Matchbox 20 - How Far We've Come (Interesting that I chose the blog title this morning and now it has become startling relevant....)

2009-02-16T15:59:00.002-06:00

you never know, maybe you're dreamin'...*

0939 hrs:
Almost did not make it in to work this morning. I kept hitting snooze and was having a pretty good dream. Of course, now I don't remember what it was or even the general subject...BUT - as I said last week, the coffee was already brewing and I just can't let good, fresh and hot coffee go to waste, so I had to get up and go to work. Plus, the cat needed to be fed and let out of his carrier and in order to call in to work I would have had to get up to get my cell phone anyway. Smelled the fresh coffee and grudgingly told myself that I should stop being lazy and go to work.

I'm pretty sure most people have today off, but oh well, right? I am taking Friday off to head to Chicago for the JET interview. Still sort of avoiding thinking about it, which is kind of bad considering that now it is less than a week away. Eek!

Went clothes shopping this weekend with Nailz with the excuse that I needed to buy an outfit for the interview. Good times. I bought more shoes than clothes which is sometimes not a very good sign. Ended up getting a really good deal on a pair of nice Naturalizers for only $16! Bought a cute (below the knee) skirt and a shirt, necklace, shoes and purse to go with it. The purse is a Vera Wang that was on sale for under $25 - it is too cute! Will need to figure out how I'm going to do my hair and nails...

Also had my car repaired on Friday. It only came out to $225. Not bad considering most times shops will charge that just for the part that was replaced. I love my mechanic! The car drives much better and so I am pleased on that front.

Did proper meal planning this weekend, so I actually had a grocery list when I went to the store last night. I only bought 4 items totaling $6.73.

This week's Grocery Titan goes to the tub of Dannon All Natural Plain Yogurt coming in at $2.99! *applauds*

I was going to skip the Grocery Saver this week seeing as I only bought 4 items, but I must say that I am mighty impressed that I bought a bunch of 4 bananas for $0.81. WOW. Sometimes I see bananas advertised in gas stations for 2/$1.00, so paying less than $1.00 for 4 seems really awesome. I guess it is all a matter of perspective.

Also, a note about the yogurt... I know that I've complained quite a bit on this blog about my stomach problems. Since taking up the yogurt/health shakes (which are tasty when you don't add too much coconut milk), my stomach has felt better than it has in years. I didn't have indigestion or heartburn once last week and over all, things just feel like they are running better now. It is such a relief!

1302 hrs:
Had a good lunch. I had tuna salad with some pita bread and an orange. I have some broccoli, too, but that will probably end up being an afternoon snack. Read some of the CLAIR website over lunch. Just reading it makes me nervous. They give a lot of good information on both the CLAIR and JET Program websites. For most people, the websites' information may be helpful because they get more of an idea of what they are getting in to. For me, it is disquieting to have so much information. I'm used to going in to these overseas adventures almost completely blind - relying on my leadership to light the way, and the torch would only give off a small circle of light by which to reckon the way. I feel like I'm walking down a brightly lit hallway and any obstacles are well lit and obvious. Having so much visibility of what it is going to or may occur makes me feel as if there is going to be some unpleasant surprise somewhere.

If I am accepted in to the program, one big thing that will be very different from my previous overseas experience is that I wouldn't be going with anyone that I know. Big change there. It would almost be like leaving home for college, except bigger...newer...and probably uncomfortable and lonely at first. *unsure laugh*

Here's a real laugh.

1551 hrs:
Well, my work day is drawing to a close. I almost forgot that I have yoga tonight because I'm making up the one I missed so many weeks ago when it was so cold outside and I was l-a-z-y. Have to eat my broccoli now, as if I eat any later than 4pm, it makes yoga a bit uncomfortable because of all the bending, twisting and upside-down-i-ness of it..

After I finished writing my last portion above, I started to realize that I'm really putting the carriage before the horse. Plus, if I've gotten through some things almost blind, then I can most certainly do them when the way is lit, right? Sometimes, I think I just need to have confidence in myself and my personal decisions.

Well, guess that is it for today. Hope all had a good day off.

*The Dave Matthews Band - So Much To Say

2009-02-13T15:55:00.003-06:00

maybe in time you'll want to be mine*

0834 hrs:
Happy Friday the 13th! Tomorrow being Valentine's Day (Barentinusu Day, in Japan), I thought I would post a link to something that anyone who reads my blog would appreciate.

My sister is in town this weekend, but not sure what the agenda is yet. My car is at the mechanic's today to see what is wrong with my brakes and ABS system. I'm guessing that it will be a fairly large bill. I'm the kind of person who likes to be prepared for the price shock, but I really have no idea of the amount I'm going to pay. I figure if I think $500, that it'll hopefully be less than that. Will be glad to have my car fully working again.

I am so tired and sleepy today that I keep yawning really big and my jaw is starting to hurt and my eyes are watering dreadfully...*tired sigh* Well, at least tomorrow I will be able to sleep in and catch up on some Z's....

Recover from ultimate sleepies action plan:

1) Take YoYo Ma CD out and put in....Gorillaz - Demon Days
2) Get up from desk and walk to break room for more coffee

....

ETA: Mission status: success!

0953 hrs:
I think it's sad that my teeth are so sensitive to everything that even drinking room-temperature water makes them hurt.

That was not what I was going to write though. I wanted to point out that because my car is at the mechanic's, I have Nailz's car with me. What happens is that she follows me to drop off my car, then we drive to her work, then I take her car to my work and then I pick her up from work after I'm done. It actually works out pretty well. Anywho - this means that I have access to Nailz's CDs that are in her car. This morning I snagged the following CDs from her car: Paul McCartney - Chaos and Creation in the Backyard, Gorillaz - Demon Days, NIN - Broken, BECK - animation BECK soundtrack, YoYo Ma. Quite the variety, plus some of these I've never listened to so it is a nice change.

I am anxious to hear from the mechanic about what is wrong with my car and when it will be fixed. Usually, I can expect the car to be fixed in the same day, but I'm not so sure that will happen this time. I hope it doesn't have to stay the weekend....

Speaking of the weekend, I do have a few things that I'm looking forward to doing along with seeing my sister while she is in town. Nailz and I are going clothes shopping this weekend. Hopefully, I will be able to settle on an interview outfit. I'm limiting my clothes purchases to those that are for the interview. Also, I am going to submit an order for all of the film developing supplies I'll need to develop my own black & white film. Should be fun. I just have a couple of things to check on before I hit "place order". Yay!

1545 hrs:
Ever notice how good it feels to sigh sometimes? There are so many different types and ways to sigh. Sometimes, though, they are not nearly as relieving as you hope. I've been doing a little bit of good and bad sighing today. But I definitely have been sighing a lot more lately.

Have been feeling weepy all afternoon. I'm not sure what it is. Maybe it's that it has been so gloomy all week. Or maybe it's that I'm so tired and all I really want to do is go home, tuck myself in to bed and go to sleep and hide from the world the whole weekend. It sounds so nice....Alas, I have friends and family that actually want to see me (shocking, isn't it?).

Just a few minutes ago I was thinking about the clothes shopping expedition planned for this weekend. Just thinking about it discouraged me. Thinking about how cute the clothes are, but how they are: 1) too expensive, 2) don't fit right or 3) make me look frightful makes me already feel the post-shopping sense of defeat. Self-fulfilling prophecy, anyone? Maybe it won't be that bad since we are going to Kohls, where at least I don't have to worry about them being too expensive as long as I stay near the sale rack.

Best to post this. Soon I have to get on the way to pick up Nailz from work. I don't know the status of my car and probably won't until later this evening. *le sigh* I am not looking forward to that bill.

Everyone have a good weekend and wish me luck for the shopping trip!!

*Gorillaz - El Manana

2009-02-12T15:55:00.002-06:00

just dive into this emptiness and hold your breath on the way down*

0837 hrs:
More and more lately, I find that I do not enjoy the company of my cow-orkers. There was a brief period of a few months where I actually liked to have lunch in the lunchroom with them and chat. I think those days may be over. They've been too sarcastic and negative for my tastes these last couple of weeks. I can easily spend my lunch break at my desk surfing the 'net or reading a book. My reaction is, in part, immature. Lately when I say something to the cow-orkers, I'm either met with sarcasm or with complete silence, yet whenever anyone else comments to the office in general, a whole conversation follows. Fine by me - I'll just plug in and shut up from now on. I have no problems tuning all of them out, but it still irks me...

1107 hrs:
Feeling a bit cheerier now. I've had my coffee and I got to see (and talk to - eek!) my office crush, Mr. M just now. *swoons* He's just too much sometimes. I wonder if other women think he is as hot as I do?

I've been listening to NEWS and Deserts Chan all morning and it has also helped to put me in a better mood. Despite my best efforts (and coffee's best efforts), I am still just not a morning person and think I will always be a bit cranky and touchy in the morning.

1340 hrs:
Ah, so. *weary sigh* I am so ready for this day to be over. I just want to go home, veg for a bit, go lap swimming and then crash out for the night. If I could, I would just lay my head down on my desk and nap right here and now.

I've been getting a lot done today because of my ability to tune out my cow-orkers and all of their talky-talky-ness (which, of course, would cease if I tried to join in the conversation) and focus on the crap that's been sitting on my desk that I either haven't had the time to deal with lately or found ways to avoid. Came across a list of issues, but in the top, left-hand corner I had written (in pencil) "public flatulence" and "nose pickers". I laughed out loud when I read those. Not so long ago, I had a topic idea for a blog entry, but apparently never got around to it. Of course, the brilliance of the moment has passed and I can't remember how exactly I was going to thoughtfully ponder the issue of public flatulence or contemplate the question, "What ever happened to the nose-pickers we knew in middle and high school? The people who were ridiculed relentlessly for picking their nose in class - where are they now? And...do they still pick their nose in public? Inquiring minds want to know!"

Sorry, got off on a tangent there.

ANYwho - Ate lunch at my desk and manned the phones while the cow-orkers all went out to a long lunch at a restaurant. Isn't it nice that they invited me along? *dripping with sarcasm* I wouldn't've gone anyway, but as one of them always says, "It's still nice to be invited to the party even if you're not going." *le sigh* All that means, of course, that I had a nice quiet lunch and got to read a little bit more about developing film at home. I got a new camera in the mail last night that I won on eBay. She's a beauty! I'm not sure what I'm going to name her yet, but she sure is somethin'! If I remember, tonight I'll post pictures of the new addition to my camera family along with some specs. XD

1551 hrs:
I all of a sudden got very happy because it really hit me that tomorrow is Friday! Yay! *does happy dance* It'll be awesome - I can tell....

Guess that is about it for today. Best to post this and get ready to leave for the day.

*HIM - The Fortress of Tears from their Love Metal album (*loves on album*)

2009-02-11T16:01:00.003-06:00

waiting in a fast car*

0953 hrs:
I don't think there is anything quite like getting paid to do nothing. Especially when that nothing means that you are just staring into your computer monitor waiting...waiting...waiting...waiting...for your system to work.

Once again, our systems are moving super slow. Today is actually worse than yesterday. By this time yesterday, I had at least completed 1 (one) thing. Today - nada. I've been trying to open applications and databases to no avail. I end up waiting for 15 minutes or so and then an error pops up. Lotus Notes actually completely shut down on me just now. Our whole office is just waiting for things to work. Needless to say, this puts a BIG dent in our production, which is actually very important to the company right now. Well, maybe this will teach them that if you are going to rapidly increase work load, you should make sure you have the network resources and sufficient infrastructure to do so. What is it they teach you in Girl Scouts (or is it the Army?), that if you fail to prepare, you are preparing to fail.

Speaking of Girl Scouts *welcomes the subject change*, I bought 5 boxes of cookies from my niece the other night. I am pretty stoked. I love Girl Scout cookies so much that I don't think words can aptly describe it! While they may be detrimental to trying to maintain or lose weight, they are only available once a year, so might as well indulge, right?

Also, made the health shake again this morning. This time I used blueberries, less coconut milk and more (tasteless) protein powder (found the scoop buried in the powder and it is more like 2 T.). Also reduced portion sizes of ingredients overall, so I only had 1 1/2 cups of shake to drink. Not bad. It wasn't the most pleasant because I forget that blueberries have seeds and I'm not a fan of that kind of grit.

1255 hrs:
Think that I should look into getting more sleep. Sometimes when I re-read my entries just to make sure I haven't made any major mistakes, I see errors that are obviously caused by lack of attention span due to sleepiness. Plus, right now I am so tired, I'm not sure how I'm going to keep my eyes open for the rest of the day...

1553 hrs:
Just read the last paragraph and I don't even remember writing that. How scary is that? I wonder what kind of work I do that I don't even remember doing? There's been a few of those little "black-out" periods lately where I don't remember saying or doing something. Sometimes, I will remember the moments after someone has told me about it. I'm pretty sure they're just a result of being over-tired and just maybe under a bit of stress. Either that, or I've always been like this, but just now noticing.

Anywho, best to post this and go home. Maybe I'll make it a point to get more sleep tonight so I can stop doing things that I can't remember later.

*The Devlins - Waiting

2009-02-10T15:47:00.002-06:00

waiting in the right shoes*

0747 hrs:
If I could use one phrase to sum up what I think this day is going to be like, I would say, "Uh oh..."

It's never a good sign when it takes 5 minutes to log on to the network and near that to log on to the email server. Anything having to do with anything that is networked or is not completely stored and run on or from your PC is super slow. *sigh*

I am trying the breakfast/health/protein shake that I wrote about yesterday. I must say...it is completely n-a-s-t-y. It practically makes me gag thinking about it. Here's the recipe if you're masochistic enough for it:

~~~

Breakfast Protein Shake

1 c. fresh or frozen fruit
1/4 - 1/2 c. coconut milk (from a can, look for the unsweetened stuff, otherwise, it's loaded with sugars)
1 scoop (1 T) pure whey protein powder (again, none of the sweetened or flavored stuff)
1 c. plain whole milk yogurt

Combine ingredients in blender and mix until desired consistency.

~~~

The idea that anyone would use the word "desired" in any relation to this recipe is unbelievable. The main thing about the shake that bothers me is the coconut milk. I like coconut milk in curries, but I think that might be it.

I will give the shake another try tomorrow and reduce the amount of coconut milk and up the amount of fruit. I think I only added 1/2 c. of fruit (1 orange), so maybe that's part of it. Hopefully tomorrow's report will be better. Until then, I am determined to drink at least half of this morning's shake because I don't have anything else for breakfast and I am SO hungry. Plus, it'll build character, right? *gulps in dread*

0904 hrs:
All systems are still really slow. In fact, right now, I'm trying to sign on to one of the main applications I use and it has been over 10 minutes since I typed my log in. People are getting talky-talky because it takes so long to do even the smallest tasks. I think I might clean my desk soon, just to take up some time. Considering I've gotten 1 (one) thing done this morning and I've been here for 1 1/2 hours, I'd say time is really starting to drag now. Well, at least when the problem is fixed, I will have lots of work to do and the rest of the day will fly by.

Been drinking the shake of doom little by little. Every mouthful is about 1/8 cup. After mixing, the shake turns out to be about 2 1/4 cups. I'm down to 1/2 cup left. I'd say I'm more M than Koyama at this point, Nailz - and you know what that means. *meaningful look* I just can't bring myself to get rid of the rest of the shake for a couple of reasons: 1) it IS really good for me, 2) my stomach, for the first time in quite a while, feels soothed. And...Oh heck, there's a third reason too (which some may have guessed already): 3) I hate wasting food - especially if it was expensive.

1019 hrs:
All systems are still mostly down. I'm not quite sure how I've gotten to this time without doing much. I guess the times that I space out waiting for the systems to move is longer than I realize. I eventually got sick of waiting for the one system to log me in. After 54 minutes of logging in, I shut the application down and decided to wait a while before trying to get back in. Cleaning my desk is going to be my next time-consumer.

I am very tired today, so spacing out is pretty easy for me (ok - well, it is normally pretty easy for me anyway). I slept like crap last night. Lately, my sleep has not been of a very good quality and the quantity (except for Saturday) has also been small. Last night was not only a restless night, but also had a period of time where I woke up and then couldn't fall back to sleep for a while. The wind was really strong last night and this morning and my window was rattling in its jamb throughout the night. Tonight I'm not messing around, I'm going to take a sleeping pill and put in ear plugs. There's nothing worse than having a crap night of trying to sleep and then not getting the chance to recoup it. Both Nailz and I have been having a hard time of getting enough sleep lately.

1542 hrs:
The systems have been back up and running since around noon. Rock on. I got everything I need to done. Some days I am the butt of office jokes. Today was one such day. At some point, one gets sick of being the object of interest. Today was one such day. I might also add that although most people in the office were chatty ALL day, somehow I get singled out in the afternoon for participating in a 15 minutes office-wide "discussion". Kind of hits me the wrong way. Already wishing it were Friday. I have two things that I wish I could explore more here, but it would take up too much time and room, so maybe I'll get to them some other day when I can't think of anything else to yell into the void.

*The Devlins - Waiting

2009-02-09T15:33:00.002-06:00

i just keep losing my beat*

1823 hrs - ETA: This is my 500th blog post. Considering I've had this blog since 2003, that's maybe not all that impressive. But still - cheers!

0947 hrs:
Sometimes it seems that the only reason I get up in the morning is because the coffee is already brewing. This morning it was particularly difficult to convince myself to get out of bed. I hit snooze until I absolutely couldn't any more. We are supposed to get freezing rain today and my sleepy brain was making up a really great excuse (that since the ABS and traction control of my car are not working, best not drive today) to call into work with. Two things saved me from taking a vacation/sick day: 1) Murphy was meowing outside of my bedroom door to be let in and 2) I heard the coffee maker brewing. The cat meowing at the door I could have dealt with and gone back to sleep, but the coffee must NOT be wasted. It's a good thing I have it programmed to start before my alarm goes off, otherwise, the lazies might get me more often than not.

This weekend was ok. I updated the blog on Saturday, so no need to review that day. Yesterday (Sunday), I went to drill and it was surprisingly not a waste of time. On the way home, I called and talked with Mom a bit. We ended up talking for over an hour about all sorts of things and then I took a nap before beginning the usual weekend cleaning. I did a couple loads of laundry, did dishes, cleaned the kitchen counters and stove, vacuumed, picked up my room, etc. All of that is usually spread throughout Sunday, but since I didn't start on it until almost 7pm, it was a late night. It probably didn't help that Nailz and I got a bit absorbed by the Victoria's Secret clearance website and were shopping. All-in-all, by the time I was done showering, writing a weekly letter and writing in my journal, it was almost 1am. *le sigh* It was a good weekend though, and I'm not at all disappointed with it - plus I have an awesome sweater jacket from VS to look forward to this week or next.

1055 hrs:
As is our custom, Nailz and I went to the grocery store this weekend. I went with a list that had 2 items on it. I ended up buying a strange assortment of items that I am now wondering what to do with, but will find something (I hope)...Of course, it is also the custom to stir (and in today's case, brighten) up Monday with the announcement of the Grocery Titan, Grocery Saver and (where applicable) the Target Titan. This week we have all three categories to announce, plus a special guest! Without further ado...

This week's Grocery Titan goes to an unusual item: the sushinori (seaweed wrap) from the Asian foods aisle, coming in at (imagine my best Bob Barker impression) ... $3.09.

The Grocery Saver would have to go to the frozen Cub Foods Green Beans that were on sale for 10/$10.00. I scored one bag of frozen beans for $1 - How awesome is that?

Target turned out to be an expensive shopping trip (as per usual). I only got 7 items, yet managed to spend almost $50! *shock-u* The Target Titan for this week goes (completely unchallenged) to the 7th Generation laundry detergent at a hefty $14.99. Luckily, I only buy laundry detergent about 2 or 3 times a year. *wipes brow*

Now, the moment you've all been waiting for. This week, we have a special guest Titan. Taking the advice of the nutritionist who was the instructor at the nutrition class I took a couple of weeks ago, I've decided to try a health shake for breakfast this week (if I remember, I will post the recipe tomorrow). One of the ingredients is a tablespoon of pure whey protein. She recommended that it be pure whey - as in no sugar or anything added. Though I searched the aisles of Target and Cub Foods, I eventually gave in to the idea that I would have to go to GNC in the maul to find what I was seeking.

A small jar (which in actuality is huge, but not as HUGE as the barrels) of pure whey protein with no additives or flavoring from GNC came to a staggering $32.01!! I dub this purchase the Health Food Titan (possibly of all time).

Rather than suck my thumb for comfort (heh), I convinced myself that this one container of protein would last me forever because it is only a tablespoon a day. We'll see if this purchase was worth it....stay tuned!

1519 hrs:
It's the afternoon slowdown. Time is always unpredictable after 3pm for me. Lately, I've had so much to do that I work right up until 4 and then realize that I haven't concluded and posted the daily post. Not so today. Today, I have actually looked for work. It is a very strange thing indeed after last week.

I have the distinct feeling that my posts have become rather boring. Perhaps it is because I am writing them from work where my brain shuts down all creative functions. Or it might be because there are a lot of background processes running all the time. Two of the main background processes revolve around photography-related stuff and the impending JET interview. I am trying to take a break from the photography stuff for a little bit. I've become a bit too focused on it and it has started to consume my thoughts and my income. XD

Well, best post this. It is getting long and I should find something to do for the last half hour...

*Queen - Somebody to Love

2009-02-07T16:08:00.002-06:00

From yesterday at work:

he's not the first one come and gone

All of my friends and family know (or should know by now) that winter is my favorite season. Though there are many reasons behind me favoring winter, one reason has really come into the spotlight this year.

I love the trees in winter, their branches stripped bare and exposed to the sky. Only in the winter do we get to see the core structure of trees. Some are craggy, others smooth. Some have branches that grow up, instead of out like others. Some have clumps of minuscule branches where leaves normally are, some branch out, graceful yet sudden, until your eye reaches the tip of the branch. A living being that can grow to be so old - and yet every winter stands cold and naked for anyone who cares to see.

The bare branches of winter give me a feeling of cold loneliness, of being stripped to the core with nothing that can be hidden. And that feeling is reassuring to me, because it is simple.

0910 hrs:
Skipped lap swim last night. I still have the headache that started so many days ago. It seems like a sinus headache, but nothing I take for it seems to keep it at bay for long. I think what I really need to do is to have a day where all I do is sleep and laze around.

1005 hrs:
Was catching up on Penny Arcade while waiting for the programs I work in to move slowly, so slowly toward completion of the days work. When I fangirl it looks a lot like this.

I laughed so hard at this. I just...*wipes tear from eye while still laughing* ...it's too accurate a picture of me. *contented sigh* It feels so good to laugh some days...

1557 hrs:
Today ended up being a really good day. I wonder if it being Friday had anything to do with it? Or maybe ... *raises eyebrows and

ETA: Didn't get to finish that thought because a cow-orker needed to follow me through some side streets to get to a less congested part of a busy street, so broke off there.

Today I am feeling a bit better. Went to bed slightly after 11pm last night, but ended up in the bathroom for a good hour in the middle of the night. That is 2 times in 2 weeks that my stomach has revolted. Usually all I do afterward is go to sleep. I called in sick to drill this morning because I just knew trying to get up and go would have probably just make me more sick. It took me until 3pm today to even get out of bed. My stomach doesn't seem to be upset anymore, but I'm still feeling all icky. Maybe going to bed super early again tonight will help...

2009-02-05T16:27:00.002-06:00

waiting through your whole life*

1034 hrs:
While one of the programs I work in is being slow, thought I would start today's post. My cow-orkers are driving me nuts today and I am crabby. It seems inevitable because not only do I have drill this coming weekend, but I am apparently suffering from acute moodiness due to PMS. Days like this, I just want to crawl under the desk and not come out until it's time to go home.

Biggest arrow pointing to PMS? I feel teary because a couple of the systems that I work in are running super slow and I feel like I can't get anything done. I can't decide whether crying over the slow-running systems is better than putting my fist through the computer screen. *laughs at self*

Another big arrow? I felt irritable during Yoga last night. YOGA! The thing that is supposed to be all peaceful, actually irritated me a bit.

I suppose it also doesn't help that I am tired again today. Even though I haven't been getting very much sleep, the quality of sleep hasn't been very good either. I toss and turn a lot and wake up frequently to my mind racing. I think tonight will be a sleeping pill night. I can't remember if I have any though, so might have to stop by and get some from Walgreens on the way home from work. Wouldn't want to be out and then have another night of tossing and turning.

I still have the headache that started yesterday (another irritating factor). It gets stronger here and there, but is ever-present.

I need to take my car to a repair shop today. I'm hoping they don't tell me the estimate of what the bill is going to be until tomorrow or the next day - I'm sure I would cry today hearing large numbers, or even cry out of relief if the repairs were not that expensive (which is kind of doubtful when it comes to repairing the electrical system).

Bah. Maybe should stop blogging now. Mood is going from bad to worse really quickly. *le sigh*

1120 hrs:
Ok, so one last bitch before I quit venting for the day. I received the email below from one of my cow-orkers who is always forwarding crap to everyone in the office (well, except to the boss that is):

HOW TO LOCK YOUR CAR

HOW TO LOCK YOUR CAR Snopes approved.
I locked my car --- as I walked away I heard my car door unlock I went back and locked my car
again three times. I looked around and there were two guys sitting in a car in the fire lane next to the store.

When I looked straight at them they did not unlock my car again. How to lock your car
safely: While traveling my son stopped at a roadside park. He came out to his car less than 4-5 minutes later and found someone had gotten into his car, and stolen his cell phone, laptop computer, GPS navigator briefcase.....you name it ... Called the police and
since there were no signs of his car being broken into- the police told him that there is a device that robbers are using now to clone your security code when you lock your doors on your car using your key-chain locking device. They sit a distance away and watch for
their next victim. They know you are going inside of the store, restaurant, or bathroom and have a few minutes to steal and run. The police officer said ...to be sure to manually lock
your car door-by hitting the lock button inside the car, that way if there is someone sitting in a parking lot watching for their next victim it will not be you. When you hit the lock button on your
car upon exiting...it does not send the security code, but if you walk away and use the door lock on your key chain- it sends the code through the airwaves where it can be stolen, something totally new to us...and real ... Be aware of this and please pass this note on..look how many times we all lock our doors with our keys...just to be sure we remembered to lock them....and bingo someone have our code...and whatever was in the car...can be gone. Be safe, be healthy everyone.

OK - First off - just because it says "Snopes approved" does not make it true, in fact I would be even more suspicious. If you had actually taken a moment to check here, you would have seen that Snopes DOES NOT approve. You would've also found out that this email is irrelevant for any car that is newer than the mid-1990s. Thanks a lot office spammer - go shove it and your false, alarmist emails. I'm sick of that crap coming to my work address.

Also - links for my personal reference:
Ektagraphic film search results
REAL news about fraud

1624 hrs:
ETA: The office spammer sent out a correction email about the car locking email. But she only did that after one of my cow-orkers said aloud, "I wonder if this key fob thing is true?" Which prompted a true check into Snopes. *rolls eyes*

Alas - look at the time. Time for me to go home. I still have a headache. I can't wait to take something stronger than Ibuprofen when I get home. D:

2009-02-04T16:00:00.002-06:00

the future is no place to place your better days*

1026 hrs:
I am tired again today. I guess I can't really complain when it is my own fault, eh? I stayed up until almost midnight searching the interwebs for information on which film developing chemicals would work best with all of this discontinued film I am now the proud owner of. The problem with discontinued film is that along with the film, the manufacturers also stopped making the specialized developer (that would naturally follow, right?). So I posted a topic on my favorite flickr community (I Shoot Film) to see if any of the experts there could point me in the right direction. I have started putting all the supplies I would need to develop my own black & white negatives at home into a shopping cart that automatically saves and stays available for 3 weeks here. Fun times. So far, I am only missing the chemicals and then should be able to order.

I already have two rolls of specialty black & white film that I am anxious to have developed. I want to get up and running with processing my own film because it is expensive to send to a lab (which would charge even more because of the specialty films I've been using) and because I would like to be more involved in the whole process. I would compare my continuing and growing attachment to photography and the impulse to be more involved to breast feeding, but I've already used that in reference to car maintenance in a post long, long ago. Tonight, I will be sure to put a link here to that specific entry - it will be nice to reminisce.

Had dreams about photography again last night even though I read a bit more of The Giver before finally going to sleep near 1am.

To follow up on last week's deer-connecting-with-car event: my brakes have been funny ever since and the car is handling strangely too. Decided to put in a claim to Progressive and see what can be done about it. I have an appointment at their claims center tomorrow during my lunch hour. The drive there and back, plus the time to get a rental while my car is being looked at will probably take almost 2 hours, so I'm sure I will be staying at work late tomorrow. I wonder how much the estimate for repair will come out to be. I have a $500 deductible, but still...Depending on the nature and cost of the repairs, I may just hold off on it until I feel less like a cheapskate.

1144 hrs:
The good Catholic in me has been surfacing lately when it comes to the whole JET Program thing. One of the things I think Catholics are very good at is self-flagellation. I feel really guilty about many things that I think normal people (aka non-Catholics for this portion of reflection) would be puzzled as to why. Right now, I not only do I feel guilty, but I feel guilty for something that hasn't even happened yet. That's how deeply ingrained my sense of obligation to others and community is. This is what I blame on my Catholic upbringing. I haven't even interviewed for the JET Program yet, much less been accepted into it, and yet I feel guilty for leaving Nailz in the lurch and for leaving my job (that has just given me a tiny raise - which is better than what most people are getting in this economy). I feel like I am abandoning them, as if I am turning my back on my sense of loyalty. This is hard for me to understand. Logically, I know that there is nothing to feel guilty about, but I still do. It's quite a lot like worrying - which I am also really good at.

1553 hrs:
Ah...Just got off the phone with Nailz (who called in sick today). It always makes me feel better when I can be snarky on the phone to her. Mainly because I'm out of arms' reach. Heh.

Best post this and get on the road home for the evening. My head is all throbbing and does not feel good at all. However, this will not deter me from managing mischief when possible tonight. *grin*

*Dave Matthews Band - Cry Freedom

2009-02-03T15:52:00.002-06:00

your mind is lined with layers of lead*

0905 hrs:
This morning has been pretty good so far. Yesterday, while trying to find a CD to listen to in the car, I came across a burned CD (made probably about 3 or 4 years ago) that was marked as "More Rock". Could I have been more vague? Probably not - but when it comes to music, sometimes I like surprises. It's even better when it's a surprise due to my poor memory. XD Turns out I should have labeled it "Really Rockin' Rock! Caution: Listening to at work is not advised." I've been rockin' out like I haven't for quite a while. In case you're curious what is on the CD, see below:

Song list:
Nickelback - Because of You (I know - I don't much like Nickelback either, but this song just rocks out too much to not like...)
Metallica - Whiskey in the Jar
Franz Ferdinand - Take Me Out
Linkin Park - Breaking the Habit
Stabbing Westward - Save Yourself
Stroke 9 - Little Black Backpack
The White Stripes - Hotel Yorba
Modest Mouse - Float On
Foo Fighters - Everlong
Green Day - American Idiot
Green Day - Boulevard of Broken Dreams
The Killers - Mr. Brightside
The Killers - Smile Like You Mean It
Dashboard Confessional - As Lovers Go

Now, I'm not a big fan of Linkin Park (actually, I think this is one of 2 songs of theirs where I didn't want to kill the radio), but I do like the song above. I'll admit to being kind of a music snob here and there, but I won't deny a top 40 band kudos if one or two of their songs really rock.

Um...that took me almost all morning to compile as I would get so caught up in data entry and rocking out that I would forget to write down the song artist and title. *sweatdrop*

1355 hrs:
Ai ya ya ya...*tries not to nod off* I am pretty spacey today. I am so very sleepy. I have finally caught up with my cow-orkers work, so now it feels weird to not be engaged in a flurry of activity all day with barely any time for thought.

You know that Flagpole Sitta song by ... *thinks hard* Harvey something... Anyway - you know that song? The line "if you're bored then you're boring" always pops into my mind when I am about to say that I'm bored. And anyway, I think that I'm just so sleepy that I can't think right.

1547 hrs:
Why even bother with this post today? That is what I am asking myself. Maybe because it just doesn't feel right unless I yell into the void...

PLAYLIST:
More Rock - mix CD (to include *Stroke 9 - Little Black Backpack)
Pimsleurs Japanese lessons 1-3
Portishead - Dummy

2009-02-02T15:55:00.001-06:00

i will learn by studying the lessons in my dreams*

1016 hrs:
Happy Monday? Hard to believe the weekend is gone already! Time is becoming a real blur for me lately and every day I feel drained, but still somehow energetic enough to not get to bed until late every night. When I sleep, I dream as if I'm awake. I dream about photography a lot lately. Last night I was dreaming about rare films and developing techniques - but it was just like I was awake. Nothing too unreal was present in the dream so it was really just an extension of my waking life. While I enjoy photography and am fairly fascinated by it, I wish I didn't dream about it. *sweatdrop* I know that it is probably just my brain trying to process all of the new stuff about photography that I am learning every day, but still... >_<

Speaking of photography, I bid on and won some more rare, discontinued film on eBay. This time I won an auction for Kodak Technical Pan (usually shortened to TechPan or TP). This film is supposed to have been one of the finest grain black and white films ever made. I also am currently bidding on some other film that is similar to TechPan, but most people will agree is even better than the TechPan. This newest one is called Panatomic-X. One photographer said that he had used some while it was still being produced and he went so far as to call it grainless. 0_o I hope I win the auction - that would be really awesome!

Well, guess that is it for now. I'll come back later with this weekend's Grocery Titan and the weekend sum up. :D

1143 hrs:
I am still winning the auction for the old film. This pleases me. I feel kind of bad trying to get all of this film when I haven't even picked out subjects yet. The TechPan and Panatomic-X were really used mostly for architecture, landscape or portrait photography. I have never attempted portrait photography. I generally don't like people to be my subject. Humans are fussy and they don't sit still for very long and most are not comfortable posing for pictures. I wonder how much it would be to find a model....*ponders*

This morning has gone very quickly for me. I have been busy, and it looks like the afternoon will keep me occupied as well. This also pleases me. (I'm thinking that overall, I must be very pleased this morning...which is strange for a Monday.)

I'm about to announce this week's Grocery Titan, and even though I know you are all on the edge of your seats, I would like to just put a little aside in here first. Last week, I went to a nutrition class. The overall theme was to try to eat foods that aren't heavily processed (all of the things you find on the outer ring of a grocery store) and that have a minimum of sugar added. SO - my grocery list changed as a result of this class, which of course, made a big difference in what this week's Grocery Titan - or should I say Grocery Titans?

TIED for this weekend's Grocery Titan is the bag of California oranges and the basting brush! Both items came in at a sturdy $3.99.

And, (let us not forget) this weekend's Grocery Saver: the pint of fresh blueberries on sale for $2.98! I chose to freeze them until I can think of what to do with them. They will probably end up in some plain yogurt next week.

1543 hrs:
I won the film auction. Someone really was trying near the end there. I was a little bit worried.

I have been doing a lot of data entry today and been busy otherwise as well. The data entry part was difficult today because I seem to have some background processes running in my mind, so I found myself searching the same numbers over and over again in the database. It took me almost twice as long as normal to do as much as I did. *sigh*

Feeling tired. I don't have much planned for tonight. I was going to go to yoga to make up for a day I missed a few weeks ago, but am so tired that I think I will just go home, make some casserole and veg out. Maybe I'll even go to bed at a good time. <--yeah right

*Weezer - Red Album, deluxe ed.

2009-01-30T15:58:00.003-06:00

make way for the lemon parade*

0825 hrs:
My stomach hates me. I'm convinced that it endeavors to never let me drink coffee again. *sad sigh*

1032 hrs:
Have triumphed over my stomach. I am just now finishing the last of a FULL thermos of coffee. Huzzah!

In other news, I've been meaning to write about the techniques I have been employing to try to reverse my crush on Mr. M. One such technique is to imagine that he has habits or preferences that are an absolute turn-off to me in a man. I've been imagining that he is such a sports fanatic that he would rather spend time with his "bros" watching the game than with his girlfriend (if he has/were to have one). Huge turn-off. Also, imagining him to think Adam Sandler movies are the best ever made. Also big turn-off and one up with which I would not put. *putting on airs* The only dangerous made-up characteristic I have to stay away from is imagining that he only likes tall, thin blondes who dress nice all the time. This idea could give me a complex (as I am so much the opposite of all those), so I'm trying to imagine that he may not think me the ugliest woman on Earth, but that I am also not necessarily his type - I'll never know because my crush on him will cease to exist soon.

Anywho - glad today is Friday. Actually, that may be the biggest understatement of the month. I am so glad it is Friday that it feels suspiciously like a huge relief. The thought of sleeping in tomorrow and spending most of this weekend just bumming around the apato sounds wonderful!! I think my cat will like it too, as he has been especially needy and cuddly lately.

1305 hrs:
I would like to talk very seriously for a moment about Mr. M. I find it difficult to put in to words why exactly he appeals to me so much. (Despite my best efforts, I find that my interest in him grows daily...) While he is definitely attractive (all the ladies in the office agree - even the lesbians!), I think I have subconsciously made him into the representative of what I feel that I will never have - all those traits in a man that will always be just out of reach for me. The kind of man other women get to have, but not me. And I know this and feel it very deeply and it feels a lot like emptiness.

It's no secret that I attract what I term "weirdos". Now that I think about it, it is probably because I, myself, could be termed a "weirdo"; someone who doesn't really fit anywhere. But what I want is someone who is closer to the middle "normal" than I am.

Well, I guess that is that, eh?

1552 hrs:
Almost time to leave. I feel like singing 'hallelujah!' and surprisingly, now I feel like having a drink to celebrate the end of the week. An hour or two ago, I learned that the cow-orker whose work I am covering while on medical leave is not coming back until mid-February. I was so hoping she would be back this coming week. Dreading next week as it already looks to be h3ll. *braces for the worst* So if I don't blog much next week, you'll know why. :\

Also, cow-orkers and boss-lady played a joke on me today. They told me that my paycheck hadn't come in the mail like usual and so they were looking into what might've happened to it. I was pretty calm about it because I thought maybe it had accidentally been sent to a different location and that I would get it on Monday and if not then, I could always ask for a reprint of it. The cow-orkers were disappointed that I didn't freak out on them about it. The joke ended around 3;15pm when boss-lady gave me my paycheck. I said, "Huh." and they were even more surprised that I wasn't at all upset with them. I feel like saying, "Well, why overreact to something that would (without a doubt) be fixed sooner or later?"

Guess that is it for today. Hope all have a wonderful weekend. Me - I'm going to drink some spiked hot-cocoa and stay in all weekend. Yay!

Playlist:
misc. Japanese Pop
Album: Tonic - Lemon Parade*

ETA: Added a link to my artsy-fartsy photobucket site in the links section. It's kind of like a choose your own adventure because you have to choose which category of pictures you want to see in order to get to the album. All albums are listed on the left side of the page.

2009-01-29T16:05:00.002-06:00

we turn this better thing to the best*

0932 hrs:
I was sick of idiots before I even arrived at work this morning. Actually, I almost called in a sick day today. Murphy (my cat) was being so lovey this morning, I could have easily laid back in bed and cuddled all morning with him. I'm not sick, but I am tired. I feel exhausted in almost every aspect of my persons. Just ... blah.

Just now, I felt a particularly strong pain twinge in my left side. This made me realize that my abdomen is in a constant state of discomfort - whether it is simply feeling bloated or actual outright pain, I can't remember the last time that my abdomen was free from pain or discomfort. I'd say it has been at least since the summer. Hm.

Last night on the drive home from Yoga and the nutrition learning seminar, a deer hit my car. Some people who are not familiar with Minnesota (or the Midwest for that matter) would be really surprised that there are deer in the city. Well, the Twin Cities (and of course, the surrounding suburbs) have a lot of wooded areas and parks where the deer love to live. So anyway - a deer hit the front, driver's side of my car and then skidded and rolled over my windshield and the hood of my car and then bounded off into the woods. I was a bit freaked out - it had been so noisy and I was amazed that the only damage my car suffered was a dent about 9 inches in diameter over the wheel well where the deer initially hit/jumped. I'm ok too (obviously). I just can't stop thinking of how lucky I am that that is all that happened. In terms of running into deer, this may be the best outcome I've ever heard of.

This morning I narrowly avoided an accident, too. The roads were a bit slick because of the snow we got last night, but that wasn't the issue. The issue was someone who was in the left turn lane and then suddenly decided they didn't want to turn left, so they swerved out in front of me without signaling. I had to swerve and brake. I also honked quite a bit and shouted some choice expletives.

1601 hrs:
Gee. Look at the time!

There is something that I keep putting off posting because I run out of time during the work day. (Huh - who would've known?!) It has to do with the fantabulous looking Mr. M and strategies I've come up with to cope (which sometimes work). I hope I remember it later.

Better go. Everyone is leaving and I'm feeling like I could take a nap rather than drive home right now. Blech.

*Dave Matthews Band - Say Goodbye

2009-01-28T16:04:00.001-06:00

a long night spent with your most obvious weakness*

0905 hrs:
At work (of course). I can barely keep my eyes open today. I stayed up too late last night. I found out around 10:30pm last night that I have been granted an interview for the JET Program. While I am excited, I am also nervous. What if I just don't measure up to the competition? I know that there are probably a lot of really smart and savvy people vying for a position - I'm not so sure I can compete. Well, I'll try to look at it this way: at least if I don't get the position, I will FINALLY get to visit Chicago.

(Part of my apprehension is that even after I interview, I won't know until April whether or not I have "won" a position in the program. More waiting. This is really a test of patience. I wonder how many people get fed up with the waiting and drop from the program?)

After the (surprisingly small amount of) excitement died down, I started getting ready for bed, so I wasn't even in my bed until after 11pm. And after that, I couldn't help but read more of Dear Mr. Henshaw. Ended up finishing it, but that really put me past my bedtime. I just can't help myself when it comes to reading before bed - no matter how tired I am.

Picked up the 2 developed rolls of film from West yesterday after work. The Holga pictures didn't turn out so well - in fact, only about 3 turned out OK and the others were as if I hadn't exposed them at all. *sigh* The roll of color 35mm that I took at the Como Conservatory turned out alright, though, so when I get home tonight, I will make sure to upload some of those to my photobucket site and then link it here in case anyone is interested in taking a peak.

1438 hrs:
Best laugh all day. I wonder if they'll start doing research on the psychological effects of excessive butt and thigh fat on women due to hormones and help women to reduce it. I can think of many women who would love that.

Just another instance of men sniveling and acting pathetic when they have to deal with a fraction of what women have been dealing with for a century or more. Plus, I see moobs (the good, the bad and the ugly) every day in the U.S. - what's the big deal? While it is true that I don't find most moobs to be attractive, I'm not about to shun someone for them. Geez....

I know it may seem insensitive to laugh about this, but I just can't bring myself to feel bad for these men (except maybe the ones cause by prostrate cancer). Lots of people are born with worse - get plastic surgery, or just deal with it.

Also, why do the British drop their prepositions? "Get down the gym." That sentence doesn't make sense. Where's the "to"? How lazy is that? I thought dropping consonants was bad - the British drop entire words that actually help a sentence have meaning. 0_o

*Taking Back Sunday - Make Damn Sure

2009-01-27T15:06:00.002-06:00

you sweet talk like a cop and you know it*

1012 hrs:
Bah. Today has been alright so far, except for the huge whitehead I have on my forehead and just now noticed. This means I have been talking to my cow-orkers this entire time without knowing there was something gross looking on my face. *defeated sigh* Thankfully, it is winter and I wear a stocking cap to and from work most days. I've put the stocking cap on and am trying my best to act like I didn't put it on just to hide the zit. I guess I should've known that zits were going to be a part of my future - my dad still gets zits and he's over 60. *extremely defeated sigh*

In other news, I have had NO COFFEE today. In case you missed it: NO COFFEE today. *cries* I wasn't able to finish the coffee from yesterday because my stomach had a fit when I had just half of it, so today and tomorrow I will not be drinking coffee to see if that helps. My stomach has just not been the same since Sunday morning. If it doesn't feel better by this weekend, I'm considering going to the doctor to see if anything is up. Something just doesn't feel right.

This weekend I went out to shoot some photos Saturday morning. This doesn't seem all that unusual - except that it was -11 degrees Fahrenheit with a -26 degrees windchill and 6:30am. >__< (Side note: NO, I'm not crazy. The crazy people are the ones I saw cross-country skiing, playing Frisbee golf and going for their daily run!) I brewed myself some coffee, put on flannel-lined jeans and my winter gear and found where the crows nest at night in downtown Minneapolis. I'm lucky - it was in an area where there were empty parking lots and plenty of sky. I took pictures of the crows in the trees. Then I decided to go on a photo spree, so I made a pit stop at home, filled up my coffee mug and headed back out. I drove to a nearby cemetery and took a few pictures of the graves in the snow. This particular cemetery is hilly and has plenty of trees, so it is generally beautiful anyway. After that decided that some pictures of craggy-looking trees with their bare branches would look cool, so went on a drive to find some of those and ended up taking pictures of cathedrals and churches on Summit Avenue. Had a couple of exposures left on the roll, so decided maybe Como Park would have a couple of shots worth of things. Turns out that the Como Conservatory was having their annual orchid show. Thought, "Why not?" and paid the $5 to take color macro photos of the amazing orchids on display. By the time I headed home it was almost 1pm and I'd used up 4 rolls of film (2 color, 2 black & white). So I took the color film in to West yesterday to have developed. I'm pretty excited to see the results today after work. Maybe I'll even upload a few here for y'all to see if they are decent. 1226 hrs:
*swoons*

Dear kindly Mr. M,

Please refrain from coming within 5 meters of my person. It is too much of a strain on my delicate disposition to be so close to such an attracti--but that's beside the point. Actually, that is the point. I get too flustered in close proximity to you. Best to stay well away. Caution is advised...

(Wishing I Was) Yours,
Clare

1501 hrs:
SO - I'm attempting not to think about Mr. M for fear of being completely distracted the rest of the day (which is admittedly almost over now) and getting nothing done but daydreaming. I can't believe it is only 3pm! I feel like I'm being a little cheated. I'm hungry again already! I don't understand why this is considering I (think I) ate a pretty good-sized lunch. Maybe all that overheating earlier (see above secret note) burned up all the calories I consumed.

Can't think of much else to say. This is a lot longer than usual (or is it??), so guess I'll stop it here. Ciao for now!

*Spoon - The Way We Get By

2009-01-26T15:14:00.003-06:00

i don't know what more to ask for, i was given just one wish*

0917 hrs:
*waves hello* I took a (short) hiatus from blogging last week due to an extreme amount of work to do. One of my cow-orkers is gone on medical leave for a few weeks and in the meantime I have to do part of her job. The part of her job that I am doing normally would only take an hour or so every day, but she was behind, so there was a lot of catching up to do. As it stands at this moment (after working like a mad woman last week), I am now only a week behind. I am hoping that by tomorrow afternoon I will be caught up to this week. *hopes*

I had a really good weekend compared to the weekend before. I did so much that it almost feels like I had a three-day weekend. The only bad side was that I was sick yesterday morning. I had a migraine and it gave me a short-lived fever, chills and some stomach problems. I took some Excedrin Migraine Extra Strength (so often my life-saver) and laid down for a nap. I felt worlds better when I awoke and continued on with my day. I still felt a little shaky for a while, but am feeling mostly ok today. Isn't it strange how migraines can wreak so much havoc physically?

1109 hrs:
Friday night is the ideal time to grocery shop. Nailz and I have made a habit of eating dinner and then going grocery shopping around 7pm. The grocery store is fairly quiet and peaceful and the lines are short, if there are lines at all. I normally wouldn't reveal such a "secret", but seeing as all of 3 people actually read these entries (and of those, none actually shop at the same store as we do), I think I am safe from Friday nights becoming the new busy time for grocery stores. Of course, I don't really care if other stores get busy or are busy on Friday nights - just so long as mine stays peaceful and quiet. Isn't that just how humans are geared to think?

Speaking of groceries - a new week means a new Grocery Titan! This week's Grocery Titan goes to ... *checks receipt and gets distracted* the 1/2 gallon Oberweis 2% milk coming in at a hefty $4.54 (bottle deposit is $0.85). The milk did have some tight competition (if you don't include the bottle deposit, that is) with the loaf of Texas Toast I bought for making French Toast on Sunday morning, which came in at an eye-opening $3.39.

Because the Grocery Titan does seem to be the same types of items every week (for the most part), I've also decided to announce a new category: the Grocery Saver! This item will be decided completely subjectively, based on what I consider to be the best value for the best price. This week's Grocery Saver goes to ... the small box of LIFE cereal! Cereal is usually so expensive, but there was a sale - 5/$10.00. Can't beat that when it comes to cereal!

1144 hrs:
Don't think I remembered to mention it here, but The Decemberists (my very favoritest band ever!) are putting a new full-length album out in March. I am pretty excited. They put up "The Rake's Song" for a free download and preview to the album. It rocks out completely. Did I mention that I'm pretty excited? *grin*

1505 hrs:
Working in a system that is moving like molasses and need to have everything done in it SOON. Gah. Plus, I'm just kind of fumbling around in the system because I was not trained how to do any of this in my cow-orkers absence and neither was anyone else. I've been able to figure it out slowly, but not quite so surely. Eek! Wish me luck and I'll blab at y'all tomorrow! XD

P.S. Happy Chinese New Year! Let's work hard together in this, the year of the Ox. Wear some red and try not to get angry today. :D

*Royksopp - What Else is There?

2009-01-19T16:00:00.002-06:00

it goes on*

0942 hrs:
So it is finally Monday, eh? I never thought I would be so relieved to be at work on a Monday morning. This weekend felt like it lasted forever and I feel more tired now than going into it. Nailz kept apologizing for the trouble (the car issue was the one flogging us), but none of it was within her control - so she really is blameless. Sometimes life just beats you up like that. To be dramatic: this weekend was like some sort of sick, sadistic monster that sucked us both in and we were lucky to escape into Monday with life and limb. I can't remember ever being through such a vicious weekend. I am positive Nailz feels glad to have it over as well.

Tomorrow, I have the day off of work to watch the Inauguration and go out to take some winter photos. I am pretty excited for the day off and for the events of the day. It will be nice to sit and do only what I want to for a day. I don't even have chores to do (well, except for laundry) as I did manage to do most of them Sunday evening. I have a few things that I'll be imbibing during the Inauguration, so that will be nice too. I'm planning on getting up around 6:30am to go out and get pictures of the sunrise. Winter sunrises are AMAZING, so I'm hoping tomorrow morning doesn't disappoint. Much coffee will be made and consumed tomorrow. Maybe a nap after the Inauguration will be in order since I haven't napped in the afternoon for a few weeks.

Well, best get to the Grocery and Target Titan awards. I didn't do much shopping this weekend and my lists were very limited, but here goes anyway:

This weekend's Target Titan title goes to....*drum roll*...the leather and wool gloves that were on clearance for $8.98!

Let's give them a hand! *laughs at own bad pun*

I put those in the pockets of my fancy ~~goat~~ coat *laughs at typo too* to wear this coming weekend to the theater. Yay!

Ahem....Now on to the Grocery Titan for this weekend. The title goes to the 3 lbs of lean ground beef weighing in at $10.79.

Isn't it amazing how much meat costs? Dang! Well, I'm trying to cut down on how much meat I consume (since I seem to consume quite a bit), so hopefully that will last me a month or so. :D

The title really could've gone to the 1 pound of mixed, raw nuts that I bought. The total for a smidgen over a pound was over $8! That sure beats the $3.60/lb that the meat cost.

1124 hrs:
I might leave after lunch today. I'm not sure I can make it through the rest of the day with these people. Normally, it is like water off of duck's back when my cow-orkers criticize my work, but after this weekend, I'm just not sure I can take it. In fact, I'm pretty sure I can't, because as I write this, tears are welling up in my eyes. I feel like just giving up and leaving and it's over something completely stupid - which makes me even more likely to bust out crying. (It's always the stupid things, ne?)

I'll tell you what made it come on:
Today, we are having a potluck. Even though the rest of the corporate world has today off, our managers decided to schedule mandatory training today and then on top of that, do a potluck. SO - I signed up to bring mashed potatoes. Well, that is quite hard to make in advance and keep warm and even so, I don't have a crock pot big enough for as many potatoes as I would need to bring. SO - I looked up a crock pot recipe and one of my cow-orkers said she would bring in her big crock pot. Long story short: I added too much water and when I asked another cow-orker for help she just started bombarding me with "well, why didn't you do this? Or why didn't you do that? Why didn't you make them this weekend and then just bring them in to heat them up?" And so on and so forth. I felt like yelling at the top of my lungs that instead of focusing on what an idiot I am and all of the things I should have done (but didn't), why doesn't she try to help me. I must have made a face when I turned to walk away because the cow-orker who brought in the crock pot for me to use came and has been helping me out. Isn't that nice of her? I feel like hitting the other one in the face with something really heavy and blunt, but hey....I'm sure that urge will pass....Maybe.

*Spoon - The Minor Tough

2009-01-16T15:47:00.002-06:00

so my burden i began to divest

1054 hrs:
Wow. This morning has been an anomaly. I'm not quite sure how it can seem to have been forever, yet feel like it is going too quickly. Weird.

Nailz and I "car-pooled" this morning, so it was an earlier morning than usual. We are hoping to get her car fixed this weekend. She has Monday off, so that will help to get things back up and running.

I guess I don't have much to say now that I think about it. I am pleased that it is Friday. I know I have no control over the flow of time, but yes - we must reward Time for finally getting to Friday, so that it knows that Fridays are good and it should do all it can to make it to Friday in a much more hurried fashion. *pats Time on the head and gives it a treat*

If this entry is cracked out, it's because I've had much too much coffee. Maybe should have stopped at 2 thermoses. Also, on prescription pain killer for the cramps from hell. I'm not feeling a thing right now, though. *grin*

1540 hrs:
This shit is unbelievable. Not only did it not warm up very much today, but now it is snowing again! This is coming from someone whose favorite season is winter. I usually can't get enough of the snow. But this winter is crimping my winter-style. I like the winters where you get a few good, big snow storms (6 inches or more in one go) and then it stays around 0 degrees or so in between. An occasional warm up is ok by me, but really - all of this inch here inch there and then way below zero temps is just not cool with me. Come on, Mother Nature - get with it. Time seems to be slowly, but surely learning - but Mother Nature just does what she wants no matter what.

Otherwise, I am getting ready to leave the office for the weekend. I cleaned a few piles off of my desk today (small piles) and that was nice. Nailz and I are supposed to go to a happy hour with her coworkers tonight, but depending on whether we can get her car to start, I may just stay home and relax. I feel like I haven't gotten to spend nearly enough bonding time with my bed lately. This is something that I hope to change this weekend. XD

PLAYLIST:
Album: Ajikan - Surf Bungaku Kamakura

2009-01-15T16:12:00.002-06:00

i'm not proud to need a hand, but i just don't understand at all*

1006 hrs:
*looks pointedly at time* I will get back to this next time, but for now - I must write about an epiphany that I've had.

It is hard to express. It feels like I should write the whole stream of consciousness that led to this realization. It's been niggling in the back of my mind for so long - just out of reach - until now. Like most humans, I like to feel needed - not used or taken for granted. If someone needs my help, I don't mind. In fact, it even gives me a certain amount of pleasure to help someone I love who is in need - even if it means a sacrifice on my part. BUT - if I feel obligated to do something that is not a need for someone and end up doing it when they are perfectly capable of doing it themselves, that's when I get irked. Also, if someone I love needs help with something, but doesn't want my help or input, it is frustrating because I want to help them and feel a bit hurt, too.

Does that make sense?

Also, this morning I realized something else. I realized that although I pride myself on being an "independent" adult and perfectly capable of taking care of myself, there are times when one needs another. As much as I sometimes like to think of myself as completely self-sufficient and needing no one else, it is simply not true. There are some things that are beyond my control (I know - stunning isn't it??).

I think that logically, I've always known these things, but never emotionally realized them. I wonder if this will change my attitude a little bit from here on out when interacting with those all around me who have always "been there" for me, and maybe always just taken for granted.

1402 hrs:
Ah so. A brief re-cap of this morning's events: Nailz's car wouldn't start, so we tried to jump start it - no luck, so I drove Nailz to work and will be picking her up after work. I'm hoping that it was just too cold for it to start. I'm sure Nailz hopes this is the case as well. A cow-orker of mine gave me some ideas of things to try though, so hopefully we can try some of them tonight or this weekend. It might just be easiest to "car-pool" tomorrow morning and then work on her car this weekend, as it is predicted to be 32 degrees on Sunday. (Like Nailz said, I'll believe it when I feel it!)

1609 hrs:
Pop Quiz:

Q: What's better than free food?

A: Free catered food.

Working late tonight to make up for this morning, but better get going. The last 45 minutes are going to fly by...

2009-01-14T16:04:00.002-06:00

it was a cold night, and the snow lay 'round*

0822 hrs:
Brrr! It is cold this morning! I don't usually mind the cold, as long as I can warm up once I am inside, but it is cold in the office too. I feel like I can't thaw out completely.

We got more snow last night. While driving in it sucks, I otherwise think it is very pretty. On the drive to work this morning, the landscape was so beautiful! The 3/4 waning moon was bright and clear and everything was that pre-dawn cornflower blue with the dark, bare branches of the trees being silhouetted against the pale sky. How could that not take your breath away with its beauty? *is itching to get out and take photos*

Of course, I can't make a peep here at work about the beauty of it all or I risk being beheaded. *sad sigh* I know that others don't enjoy winter as much as me, but I wish I knew someone who thought the same as me about Minnesota winters.

0930 hrs:
My cow-orkers are bitchy today. Everyone is tuning everyone else out. I am fine with that. I can easily not talk to my cow-orkers all day. Since there is no one to talk to today without fear of getting bitched at, I played around a little bit with the newest update to our email system. Turns out I can instant message myself. It is sad that I found this amusing, but even so, I still had a good 20-line IM session with myself. *le sigh*

0941 hrs:
I love my new Starbucks travel mug (from my niece for Christmas). The only thing is that sometimes it makes me sad. You can see how much coffee is left in your mug. I always despair when I see that my coffee allowance for the day is almost gone. (The coffee allowance is really for the best, don't you think? *is already highly-caffeinated*)

1601 hrs:
Gah! I'm late on leaving work. Got totally absorbed in a data entry project. Oh well, a couple extra minutes won't hurt (I don't think). This is all a rough draft that I'll have to clean up this evening - so if you're into polished entries, check back later tonight.

Ciao for now!

P.S. This is how I feel most days at work. :|

PLAYLIST:
*The Decemberists - The Crane Wife (x a billion)
Ajikan - Surf Bangaku Kamakura

2009-01-13T15:23:00.001-06:00

i had breakfast with my shadow, we had quite the discussion*

1026 hrs:
It happens every morning. As I get ready for the day, I think of all these things that I want to blog about - things that might actually hold some entertainment value - but after the drive to work, they are lost to me. Today, I was going to blog about how lately, when I wake up, I have Yoda-like wisdoms swimming around in my head. Of course, now I can't remember any of them. Well, I do remember one from this weekend, but it's not really Yoda-ish: Life is like the coin tornado in the grocery store - the closer to the drain you get, the faster time goes by. I woke up with that one stuck in my head around 2 or 3am Saturday. I could expound on that saying, but me thinks it would be too dark for a (mostly) upbeat blog such as mine. *delusional about optimism*

It was hard not to call in a vacation day today. Only the fact that the coffee was already brewing (or just about to) and that it was supposed to be below zero all day today anyway convinced me to get out of bed and come in. I think I can speak for others when I say that I am extremely disappointed it is NOT Wednesday yet. *admonishes Tuesday for not being Wednesday* What the shit?

1056 hrs:
Just a note: I don't think until today I have ever fully realized just how integral calf muscles are in walking. Wow.

1142 hrs:
Now, for a quick explanation of the last note. The other day I saw a fitness/health magazine while at the grocery store. A stack of them were sitting with the real estate booklets, so it was free. In the magazine were some suggestions for 10-minute workouts to do 3 times a day. One variety was designed for work. I did all three 10-minute workouts. Oh man. I could see how you could seriously get fit doing them! While the rest of my body is mildly sore, my calves are super sore. I try walking normal, but it's just not working for me. :(

Last night I finally went through the B&H Photo catalog that came with the gift certificate I got from my sister for Christmas. I had resolved to pick something out, think on it a few days and then if it still appealed to me, use the gift certificate to buy it. *deep breath* Well...it didn't exactly turn out that way. There is no shortage of completely awesome things in the B&H Photo catalog. The thing is - the stuff that makes me drool is all stuff for pro photographers; aka photographers who actually know what they are doing and get paid to take good photos. Because of this fact, a lot of it is VERY expensive (and completely unnecessary for the hobbyist like myself). This is not to say that there is nothing in there that would be of use to me. There is plenty for me to choose from - that is part of my problem. I think the biggest part of my problem though is that I don't know enough about photography to know what my best choice would be. I think it's a lot like buying stuff for babies: some stuff seems cool, but in practice is not really worth it and some of the simplest, cheapest stuff becomes absolutely indispensable. It takes a mother to know which is which. I need a photography mother to guide my buying choice. Otherwise, I fear I'll stay unsure and not use the gift certificate wisely.

1402 hrs:
Checked my pay stub for this upcoming pay day. Sometimes, I may bitch about this job, but as I was looking at my pay stub today I realized something very important: at least I have a job and it does pay the bills (as long as I don't spend it all on hookers and blow). This morning on NPR, I heard about at least 1300 more layoffs from various companies throughout Minnesota. After watching chain stores that once flourished go out of business last year and hearing about drastic layoffs to come in efforts to save various companies, I feel even more grateful that not only do I have a job - they haven't reduced my pay. Some days I feel unworthy.

*Cloud Cult - Breakfast with My Shadow

2009-01-12T15:51:00.003-06:00

fell on black days*

0754 hrs:
Got creative with my time-reporting sheet. Usually, I just put pretty much the same thing for every day of the previous week. This time, I really split it up among the different categories. Can't believe I found some amusement in it. Have I been working in a cube too long? Or is it just that I'm too tired from drill this weekend?

Pretty sure that I've used today's blog title before, but I wouldn't be able to check until I got home, so there it is. It feels very true. Although, maybe I wouldn't say "black days", maybe just "dark days" - but one cannot change someone else's lyrics, so it stays. The reason I thought of that song is because it is so very dark outside this morning. Extremely gloomy and foreboding. Watashi wa kurai kimochi ninaru. (Is that how it goes, Nailz?) The sky does not lie: today we are supposed to get 2-3 inches of show by the afternoon.
Yay. <--sarcasm (indicated so as to not be mistaken) >__<

0837 hrs:
This weekend went by pretty quickly and most of it was taken up with the aforementioned (see Friday's entry) mandatory wasting of time. I did, however, go shopping on Friday evening even though the urge to stay home was strong in me. I convinced Nailz to go with me and as per usual on a Friday night, it was pretty dead. What a pleasant experience grocery shopping is on Friday nights. Reminiscing about the leisurely grocery outing reminds me to announce this week's Grocery Titan. Yay! <--not sarcasm

My shopping list was only 4 items long, so this week's competitors all stood a good chance of winning. The 8-pack of Dannon Activa yogurt, however, took the prize. It was heads and shoulders above the rest, coming in at $4.67. The Hoshi Soba noodles couldn't even come close with it's mere $1.89 for the package.

0927 hrs:
I'm so tired of people forwarding on alarmist emails about everything from new car-jacking schemes to perfume salesmen that ask you to smell their samples and then it knocks you out. All of it is serious bullsh1t. The best is when people see that the email references Snopes.com and figures that's proof enough that it's true and they forward it on. Gah! I'm going to start forwarding all of the FALSE forwards I receive with not only a link to the Snopes.com article added, but the article quote that says that it's all bullsh1t. Seriously - I'm glad that people are concerned for me and my pet's health, but I'm not an idiot. Please stop insulting my intelligence.

1457 hrs:
Um. There is so much that I want to blog about. How does one choose between all of the boredom-inducing possibilities?

Well, I'll make the weekend sum-up brief: Saturday, I had drill. It was ok - but it was the longest day ever. Saturday evening, I forced Nailz to go out to eat with me. I knew I had to GO and DO something that night or my whole weekend would have felt little like suckage to the max. *nerd* We ended up going to Babani's. It was so completely AWESOME. If something could truly be full of awesome sauce, it would be Babani's. I plan on making that one of my favorite places to go for a weekend dinner out.

Sunday was drill again. The only saving grace is that I got to geek out with 2 other photo nerds. Sunday didn't feel quite as long, nevertheless, I was happy when it was over. Of course, I express my joy of having the monthly drill over with by a typical, celebratory, 30-minute venting/bitch session when I get home. If Nailz weren't there to lend a sympathetic ear, the poor cat would have to be held down and tortured with cuddling and self-absorbed ranting.

Today has been good. Going fast. Getting lots done. Still lots to do, so should go. Ciao for now, peeps! *pulling out all kinds of geek-language*

1545 hrs:
I will expound upon these links this evening, if I remember. Heh.

I love the level of geekiness in this comic.

Here's where to find out where you can recycle plastic bags.

And this is for when you want to know just how shitty the driving in Minnesota is going to be due to weather.

*Soundgarden - Fell On Black Days

2009-01-09T15:35:00.002-06:00

we make love to some weird sin*

0921 hrs:
Ah~! It is finally Friday, eh? I would celebrate, but I have drill this weekend. Bummer, isn't it? As per usual there is absolutely nothing on the schedule. Tonight, I will need to find a good book to take with me so that the weekend isn't a complete waste. I miss the "old" unit. We actually had things to do and it was nice to feel productive. Well, no use dwelling on it, right? I'll just take a couple of things to do during down time and try not to think about it too much.

I can't believe it isn't even 10am! As expected, Friday is going to make this day as long and painful as possible. Oh, Friday - how I love and hate thee!

Oh - and I've decided to make sure to credit the title lyric in my posts from now on. I'm sure some of you have noticed that almost all of my titles are snippets of song lyrics. I want credit to go where credit is due.

1057 hrs:
*stares disbelieving at clock* Slowest. Day. Ever.

There are only 2 people out of the office today so it is super quiet. Also, the main line has only rung (rang?) 2 or 3 times, which might be some kind of non-holiday record. I'm having a hard time concentrating because my attention span on Fridays is pretty short unless I have a ton of work to do. *looks at Playlist* And when did I somehow collect more KAT-TUN (Japanese pop group, for those of you unfamiliar) songs than Spoon (an American prog-rock band) songs?! If I wasn't currently jamming out to "Our Story", I would totally feel a bit of shame right now.

1411 hrs:
Guh. I can't believe it's barely past 2pm. The idea that I still have almost 2 full hours left makes me feel like crying out of self-pity.

That thought reminds me of this lately recurring thought: Sometimes when I think about how good I have it compared to how it would have been even a few decades ago, I feel like a big whiner. I think about how I work at a desk and have a normal work week of 40 hours. I don't have to do manual labor for many hours every day for very little pay and my working conditions would probably be in the 95th percentile (if not, indeed, higher).

When I think about it that way, life is pretty good, eh?

PLAYLIST (from the mp3 player):
Wilco - 2 songs
Whitetown - Your Woman (ye-ah! It's been too long since I heard this! *heard it on Monday*)
U2 - In A Little While
Tom Waits - Hoist That Rag
The Raconteurs - Steady As She Goes
The Grass Roots - Sooner or Later (how ironic that this song follows 'Steady As She Goes')
The Darkness - 3 songs
Tenacious D - Tribute
Telepopmusik - 3 songs
*Spoon - The Way We Get By
Spoon - 11 other songs
KAT-TUN - 17 songs
Elephant Kashimashi - 8 songs
NEWS - 9 songs
the sound of laziness:...giving up on playlist...

2009-01-08T15:46:00.001-06:00

waiting in slow motion

0758 hrs:
I know it's a bit earlier than usual to start this. Today has already been very different than most days. For one, I was leaving the apartment at the time I normally am hitting snooze for the first time. Collin made me a cup of coffee this morning, so I had coffee for the road. I was so early for work that I couldn't even get in the building yet and then ended up walking in 5 minutes late anyway. >__<

You may wonder why all of these things occurred. Well, Baby (that's my car) needed a check up and I had to drop her off at the mechanic's this morning. Nailz has been kind enough to let me drive her car today. All of this was initiated by Baby's oil change a couple of weekends ago. You know how they do a quick inspection and then make recommendations? Well, one deficiency they noted was that the right axle seal was leaking - whatever that means. I hear the word axle and think to myself, "Maybe that should be checked out," you know? Plus, the shop/oil change place keeps telling me I need all of these fluid flushes and I want my mechanic to check it out for me. I don't trust the shop guys - they just want to make a buck. The mechanic I like works out of his garage, is a certified technician and is a really honest guy (plus he charges 1/2 the cost of labor).

Because I couldn't get in to my work building so early, I went to Bonnie's (just up the block) for breakfast. Their prices have really jumped quite a bit. I paid almost $5 for 2 eggs and toast. I know that they're not doing it to make more money; they're doing it because they need to in order to pull through this economic slump. It's a nice mom n' pop shop, so I don't mind the price hike so much. AND - you can't beat that from the time I ordered to the time I got my food was scarcely 5 minutes and the bottomless cup of coffee kept me occupied during that time. Yay!

1026 hrs:
Just got out of a team meeting. It was really sobering. Economic times are tough and worrisome. It made me give serious consideration to the thought that I possibly might be the most expendable person on staff. Since my return from deployment, I have been bounced around and never really given a firm job function. Without me, the office could easily function. The backlog would grow if I was gone, but in terms of actually still being able to function, I am not needed. It made me wonder what I would do if I unexpectedly lost my job. I'm not a bad worker. I've always been very efficient, but that doesn't guarantee a job in this economy.

I've had too much coffee this morning. I can tell by how my stomach feels, my heart bests and by how much like a roller coaster my emotions become. Of course, when faced with uncertainty, I'm one of those people who can relax about things only after I have come up with alternate upon alternate upon alternate plans.

1538 hrs:
I am glad that the work day is almost over. It has felt extraordinarily long. I am sleepy and hope I can avoid taking a nap tonight. Tonight is the first night since before Christmas that there is lap swim at the community center, so I'm hoping to go lap swimming. I just hope that I don't get lazy and say, "meh."

Anywho - best post this. Is my ambivalence apparent? :-P

PLAYLIST:
Album: KinKi Kids - Disc 2 of 39 (x 5!!)
random iTunes on CD

2009-01-07T15:32:00.002-06:00

does it always look so gray before the fall?

0824 hrs:
We have a coffee ninja in our office. I'm sure most people would hear "coffee ninja" and think of that mysterious someone who drinks all the coffee, but no one knows who it is. This is not the case with our office. In our office, the coffee ninja is the person who makes a full pot of the weakest coffee imaginable. A cow-orker and I have been trying to catch this coffee ninja in action. No luck. We were struck again this morning by their weak coffee attack. The only defense against these kinds of attacks is to get to the break room before the coffee ninja has the opportunity to get there.

I'm sipping on a cup of said weak coffee. If it weren't for my creamer, I'm pretty sure I'd be able to see to the bottom of my cup. I might actually have to pour it down the drain. My god - I long for strong coffee!

0957 hrs:
Having a really hard time this morning staying awake. I blame the coffee ninja for the slow start to the day. Because the coffee ninja struck, but no one wanted to be rude enough to pour out the coffee-water, we walked to the gas station across the street and got coffee there. Everyone in this area must be jonesing for coffee too, because 3 out of 5 coffee machines were completely out. The only coffee left was the regular roast - the medium and dark were empty. I think I might have died a bit inside.

I used some of the flavorings and creamer that the gas station provides free of charge. Because I'm attempting to be mindful of what I consume, I used the sugar-free syrup. Here's my newly-formed opinion: BLECH!! It is horrible! The after taste is the worst!! From now on, I will only put real sugar and high-fructose-corn-syrup-based sweeteners in my coffee. Just say no to aspertame (or whatever that chemical crap is)!

Another part of my sleepiness stems from the fact that I went to bed around midnight. I didn't go to bed until then because earlier in the evening, I had been attacked by a nap and succumbed to it until after 8pm. It didn't help that Murphy was so warm and snuggly.

I just got approval to take the 20th off. I'm using the "floating" holiday we get for Martin Luther King Jr Day so that I can watch the inauguration events. I've never watched a Presidential Inauguration before and this one (even if it is boring) will be historic. I've gotta see it. It will be my first day off in 2009 besides New Year's Day. How exciting! I'm sure I'll be doing a little bit of celebratory imbibing as well. :D

1529 hrs:
Well, just about to post this. I gabbed a lot today on here. This is surprising considering how much of the day was spent in a blur just trying to keep my eyes open. Also surprising is that I actually got quite a bit done and started on a couple of back-log issues.

PLAYLIST:
stuff from my iTunes (on CD)
Album: Counting Crows - Hard Candy

2009-01-06T15:18:00.002-06:00

minna irukai?

0906 hrs:
Had some weird dreams last night. I had one where I was pregnant. Pregnancy has been a recurring theme in my dreams since I was a teenager, so it is not usually very surprising. Last night's dream was different because, by the end of the dream, it was discovered that I wasn't actually pregnant. I had gone to the hospital delivery room and everything. In the dream, my mom was very disappointed. The strangest thing was that everyone else was convinced I was pregnant, but I knew from the start that I wasn't and that I was just gaining weight, but no one would listen to me. Weird, huh?

I also had a dream where I wasn't even a participant in the dream. It was like watching a TV show. It was about a husband and wife. The husband was white and the wife was black. It was really interesting because it was just like I was watching their daily life and they didn't even know I was there. They had a cute little son that was just learning to walk. That was the dream I was having right before I woke up.

I had a rough go of trying to get good sleep last night, even though I was exhausted and went to bed early. I did a muscular strength work out last night that included "power squats". My quadriceps were immediately sore. For the rest of the night, they felt crampy and I tossed and turned to try to find a position where they didn't hurt so much so that I could sleep. *sigh* That's what I get for over-doing it, eh? I think it would be safe to say I'll be taking some IB tonight before going to bed. :\

1433 hrs:
Today has really flown by. I think this is mainly due to the fact that today I've gotten to do a variety of things I hardly ever get to do - so that helped a great deal. My boss gave me a present in the form of a new project. It is a short term re-assignment of duties for someone who is going to be out on medical leave for a while. The job is extremely tedious and time consuming. I'm pretty excited because it'll be nice change from my current extremely tedious and time consuming job. BUT - it does give me a break from writing documentation, so that will be definite plus. At some point, writing documentation makes you feel like coming to work is some kind of purgatory and the only way to get out of it is if enough people pray for your depraved soul to be set free.

In other news - oh wait - there really isn't any other news. Well, there sort of is, but I still have all of my regular work to catch up on before the end of the day. Perhaps I'll bore you all with it tomorrow. XD

PLAYLIST:
Album: NEWS - Color
misc. KAT-TUN songs
Album: GReeeeN - Ah, domo. Hajimem

2009-01-05T15:08:00.001-06:00

the minor tough's walking past again

0921 hrs:
*grumbles* It seems that no matter how hard I try, I'm just not a morning person. Even when I feel awake in the morning, I still don't feel motivated to actually do anything. This morning I am neither feeling very awake nor feeling motivated. I have a cup of coffee in front of me. I hope it helps - otherwise, a whole day spent trying to keep my eyes open would totally blow.

1009 hrs:
My office chair is magic today. The moment I sit down in it, it casts a spell and I can't keep my eyes open. Have been doing more of the Sarbanes-Oxley training, but have had to stand up while reading it so I don't nod off. Our cubicle walls are the medium height ones (4 ft?), so when you stand up, everyone can see you. I felt weird, but hey - better than fighting the heavy eyelids all morning. I think the coffee might be starting to (FINALLY) kick in, so I'm giving the magic chair a try.

1305 hrs:
I can't think of much to say today. I feel like the super-grumps may be descending upon me. SO - to avoid any interaction with my actual personality, I'll announce this weekend's Grocery Titan and the (new category)Target Titan.

In order to do my best to reach one of my goals of 2009, I decided that one of the small parts of achieving that goal is to do weekly meal planning and only buy the groceries that I need for the week's meals. Of the groceries on my list, I also made it a point to buy the product that was on sale or the least inexpensive. Because of this, most of my groceries were under $2.00 a piece. This weekend's Grocery Titan goes to: the Oberweis 2% milk at $3.69 + the $.85 bottle deposit making it a total of $4.54! Now I hope that I can drink all of it before it goes bad. :D

I did well in the grocery department of sticking to my list, but I did not as well while in Target. I'm horrible at not making spur-of-the-moment purchases. This weekend's Target Titan is the red fleece winter pullover (for running) that was on clearance for ... $14.99.

Please give our Titans a boisterous round of applause. Of course, the Target Titan was priced much less than I would have paid for it from a sporting goods store, so I guess it really does deserve kudos.

1502 hrs:
Just about to post this. I'm going to borrow an idea from Sesame Street and say that this blog entry was brought to you by the letter "F". This past weekend's activities largely revolved around facebook, Fantastipo and fotos (heh). Write at you all tomorrow. :)

LIST THAT PLAYED:
random from my mp3 player, but Fantastipo was played more than a couple of times XD
Album: Weezer - Red (Deluxe)

P.S. Check out this handy recycling site. Sorry, completely random!

2009-01-02T14:40:00.002-06:00

i'll eat my candy with the pork and beans

0905 hrs:
Well, good morning, 2009. :)

I'm at work and it feels like only the bad kids have to be at Saturday school. It is very quiet around here. All of the top dogs are out of the office today, so we are left with one "lead" to...well...lead us. Plans for the day? Well, I've already done 1/3 of the work I had planned for today. I'm going to be back chipping away at the Sarbanes-Oxley Act course I started last week. Between doing that and trying not to fall asleep, I should easily make it to lunch time.

BUT - before that, I have some Grocery Titans to announce. I went to the grocery store two times in the last 48 hours. Only the first time did I have a grocery list. I think we all know what it means when you go to the grocery store without a list. *ominous look*

Wednesday, 12/31/08's Grocery Titan title goes to (drum roll, please)...
....the whole bean Breakfast Blend coffee, coming in at $6.99!

Though I swore I was going to switch to half-caf, I just haven't been able to bring myself to do it. Rats!

Thursday, 1/1/09's Grocery Titan title goes to...
....the 30 oz. bag of frozen pork dumplings, coming in at $7.99! *boos from the crowd*

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That last one was the spontaneous grocery trip I made yesterday. Originally, I was just going to the bank branch inside the store (it was open on New Year's Day - how weird!!) because they have a change counter and I wanted to "cash in" my spare change that I'd saved up this past year (a disappointing $23.76 - past years have yielded around $50). Once I was there, I realized that I was hungry and that the store was not busy (people probably assumed the grocery store to be closed on New Year's Day). So, I called Nailz and asked if there was anything she needed and also convinced her that we should make some Japanese food for our New Year's dinner. Ended up buying a can of roasted eel to add to sushi and onigiri (rice balls) as well as some artificial crab to put in sushi.

1243 hrs:
Was reading Penny Arcade's news post from the 31st and clicked on the link to the Zune webpage. As Nailz can testify, most Zune 30 owners received a scare when their Zunes "bricked" on Wednesday. The cause was the leap year because of the clock driver not being able to calculate a leap year or some such technical thing. Anyway - that's not the point. I know that not having music for a day at a boring corporate job or other boring job must really suck to high heavens, but some people leaving comments on the Zune page are pretty unbelievable. An example: "How about compensation for not being able to use our Zune's for the day?"

[insert dramatic pause here]

Um, I'm sorry (actually, I'm not), but could this person be more spoiled? There are people in Africa who have to make do without food for an entire day (or more...) and you're pissed because your Zune isn't working and the solution is to wait until January 1, 2009? Let's get a little perspective here. I am in complete awe that someone would allow themselves to get so completely worked up over this. Yes - you paid money for this piece of technology. Yes - it failed. Yes - it's ok to be miffed or for it to be the worst part of your day (or possibly week if your life is really good). All of that is understandable - but wanting compensation for it not working for 1 (ONE) day out 366?? Yeah. I'm sure Microsoft is gonna get right on that.
/rant

To other Zune owners' credit however, most who commented were just surprised and worried that their Zunes were dead for good. Others took it with a chuckle. One guy asked how he was supposed to deal with his cow-orkers if he didn't have his Zune, adding an "LOL" at the end of his statement.

1431 hrs:
Just re-read the Zune rant. It occurs to me that it might sound elitist or something like that (afterall, the comparison I use IS kind of extreme *chuckles*). At first, the idea that it could be taken that way was a bit offensive. On second thought, I've decided I don't really care. I still think it is silly that people crap their pants when something that is not even close to a need goes out on them. Makes me wonder how people (read: Americans) survived the workplace (much less society) before the advent of personal electronics. What horror! Indeed...

HYPOCRITIC'S PLAYLIST:
from my mp3 player before the battery went dead:
Elephant Kashimashi - album
Assorted NEWS and KAT-TUN favorites

on CD:
The Decemberists most recent singles (true to recent style, they were played over and over)

/snark

2008-12-31T17:31:00.003-06:00

there's a twinkle in my dying eyes

0800 hrs:
*sigh* And so begins another day. My suspicions are confirmed: entering my workplace relegates any personality I normally have to the back burner during work hours. There were two things I was going to blog about right away - but can I remember them? Hell no....

0933 hrs:
Could be having fun working in the 80,000+ record database right now, but instead have been doing some online training (read "reading boring facts and then being quizzed on them") about the Sarbanes-Oxley Act. I think I had always had an inkling about the truth of our financial and business systems here in the U.S., but now I feel just how much it is deeply buried and hidden in language. Because of this, the financial system is opaque to the common person; only with education and serious study can one begin to 'see' what really goes on - the glass looking in on the gears of money starts to become more transparent, little by little. I am really stunned at just how ambiguous all of the language surrounding financial disclosure and regulation is. The language that is meant to make things more cut-and-dried and transparent to investors and regulators has only managed to blur the edges and allow room for wiggling.

1332 hrs:
Seems that everyone in the office is in a really good mood today. I think I can safely say that a lot of people are just happy that 2008 is over. 2009 seems to be full to the brim with the possibility of being a really good year. I don't think I've ever looked forward to one year ending and another beginning as much as I have this one. 2008 feels especially tired and worn down. Is it all in my mind?

Also, tonight is going to be one of the most laid back New Year's Eves in the last 10 years of the ones I've had while in the United States. Last year's New Year's Eve was completely uneventful. I was in the desert, so no alcohol to be had and 2008 really just felt like more of the same - like an extended 2007. Nailz and I will be going to a thrown-together-at-the-last-minute New Year's Eve party. Good thing too, or the upstairs neighbors might negate my first New Year's resolution, which is to not inadvertently kill anyone.

PLAYLIST:
Album: Green - Ah, domo. Hajimemashite.
Album: Homemade Kazoku - Musication

2008-12-30T14:26:00.002-06:00

i walk a straight line when the man comes around

1007 hrs:
The boss was out yesterday, but she is back in today. Later today I have a meeting to go over the documentation I've been working on. I am dreading it because the last time we went through the rough draft, it got torn to shreds. Since then, I have added almost 20 pages and a ton of screen shots to it. I also had to start an appendix for troubleshooting. I guess I shouldn't worry - there is nothing to be done about it. I can't even anticipate what changes I will have to make.

I went out to dinner last night with a few friends and it was a good time. As usual, I got asked about my love life. Though I am in no way discouraged about my lack of dates, it is somehow still very embarrassing to answer that question. I didn't really talk too much and no one really asked too many questions about what I've been up to. Everyone else's lives seem so much more dynamic than my own. Why is that?

Because I didn't talk that much during dinner, I ended up eating way too much! I ate so much that it was actually painful for a while on the drive home. I stopped at Walgreens last night and finally bought some ear plugs. I got the hot pink ones that are for ladies who have husbands who snore. :D I put those suckers in as I laid down to read before going to bed and it was amazing! The noisy neighbors will no longer keep me awake at night! Now, I'm wondering why this never occurred to me before...I'm hoping that with the aid of the ear plugs, I will be able to get more (and better) sleep and hence be in a bit better of a mood. (Is it just me, or am I super-grump lately??)

1122 hrs:
Last night I had a dream where Nailz was moving out. She had run off to be with a man. In the dream I was upset, but the only way I could express it was by re-arranging the books on my bookshelf over and over and there was some psychiatrist guy there who wouldn't let me leave the apartment until he deemed me to be of sound mind. There was another girl there with me, but I don't remember who it was. She couldn't leave the apartment either - and she seemed more normal than me. This last thought concerned me, because I wondered if I could ever appear so normal as to escape my own apartment. Weird, eh?

1333 hrs:
Adding to the list of things I maybe shouldn't've eaten: cottage cheese that expired 2 weeks ago. It smelled ok and only tasted a little bit off. My tummy is all rumbly now though - and we all know that is a sign of disagreement. Tonight for dinner is one last thing of leftovers from a couple of weeks ago - the mystery meat loaf thing I made. I'll have to find something to make for lunch tomorrow. I'm all out of expired food, so that's a good thing, right? *laughs*

PLAYLIST:
Album: Counting Crows - Hard Candy
Album: GReeeeN - Ah, domo. Hajimemashite.

2008-12-29T15:15:00.002-06:00

and you were shrugging it off like a feather saying, 'oh, would you look at this weather?'

0744 hrs:
There should be a 20 oz. Candy Cane Latte from The Corner Coffee House sitting on my desk as a kind of comforting companion to this dreary, post-holiday Monday morning. Alas, on the way from my car to the office, a particularly strong gust of wind deprived me of the one thing I was actually looking forward to today. At the moment of loss, a "no f*cking way!" slipped past my lips and it was all I could do to not act like a child and throw a tantrum right then and there. Haven't you ever gotten that urge? You know, to just drop everything in your hands, throw yourself on the ground and scream and kick like some spoiled brat in the grocery store whose parents refuse to buy Lucky Charms? It would be ridiculous, wouldn't it? Even as I contemplate a tantrum, I have to laugh from the idea. I guess mental imagery really can be therapeutic, eh?

0958 hrs:
Have spent the majority of the morning doing pretty close to nothing - or at least that's what it feels like. There are quite a few people not here today, so it feels like Saturday school or something.

Ended up walking over to the Holiday gas station across the street around 9:30 to get a coffee. I got a 20 oz coffee and used the flavoring and cream they provide. It's not the same as a the delicious coffee I could have had this morning, but it'll keep me awake. I still feel a pang of disappointment when I think of the coffee that was not to be...How sad and boring is my life that I can't get over losing my coffee this morning? *laughs*

1157 hrs:
Just looked at my planner and had forgotten all about a dinner I'm supposed to go to tonight at Buca di Beppo's with some friends. I'm not really wearing the right kind of attire. I will have to go home and change, take the dog out and then hit the road again. The reservation is for 5:30pm, so will have time to get there (I hope). I'm not really all that enthused to go right now (simply because of the commute), but know once I get there it will be good times. :D

Christmas break was good. I went home and stayed at my parents'. I got to hang out with Miss Doom quite a bit and a few other friends. Also got to spend the last night at my sister's, so got some good sister bonding time.

Feels like there is a lot more to write on the subject, but right now all I can think of is my lunch.

1322 hrs:
Ugh. Shouldn't've eaten what I brought for lunch. Had forgotten that I had left over tuna curry from the 19th, so packed that for lunch today. Ate it, but now I don't feel so good. Also ate some yogurt that may have been past the expiration date. *shrugs* What can you do? I'm sure I'm not feeling so great because I feel super full still. The afternoon stretches out before me. I need to get back to working on the documentation project but feeling a huge lack of motivation. Strangely enough, I would rather work in the database more instead.

1511 hrs:
Finally working on the documentation project. Once I get going on it, it really does make time fly - but it's always getting started that is hard. Cruising along on that.

Every few minutes my stomach ties itself into knots of nervousness. This morning I remembered that in just a few weeks I will find out whether I made the initial cut for the JET Program and periodically throughout the day I've been wringing my hands. I know worrying won't make the announcement time come any sooner, but sometimes it is really hard to distract myself.

PLAYLIST:
The Decemberists - Record Year for Rainfall
The Decemberists - The Raincoat Song
The Decemberists - Valerie Plame
The Decemberists - O New England
The Decemberists - The Days of Elaine (two versions)
The Decemberists - I'm Sticking with You
The Decemberists - Like A Lion
The Decemberists - Everything I Try To Do, Nothing Seems to Turn Out Right
Alicia Keys - No One
Asobi Seksu - Lions and Tigers
Jesus Christ Superstar - Everything's Alright
BOAT - The Bar is Too Low to Fail
Built to Spill - Liar
Current 93 - The Bloodbells Chime

2008-12-23T15:28:00.003-06:00

the dude does not abide...

1026 hrs:
More snow came down last night and this morning. I'm telling you, it was FUN times on the drive to work! *bitter chuckle* I really enjoy holding my breath and clenching my steering wheel in both hands and hoping no one follows me too closely and rear ends me. There was a really icy patch on Snelling this morning! I wasn't even braking and my car slid a bit to the right just driving (skating??) over it. It was right at the stop light, so I'm sure there will be an accident there today at some point. I don't think there could be any avoiding it.

The roads stay really crappy during times like these because the temperatures are so low - which makes it so salt doesn't really help drive-ability much or that's what the news people tell us, anyway. I think what the news people are saying about the salt not being able to melt the ice is all bullshit. They say that they put salt down on the roads, but that it is just too cold to work. Most road salts work in temperatures down to -25 degrees Fahrenheit, which it rarely has been below in the last few days. Also, if it's true that the salt is not working on the roads, then how is it that the salt that our apartment management puts on the outside steps and walkways melts the snow and ice? Also, if it is too cold for salt to work, how come the freeways and highways have been salted and are nice to drive on? I think they just say that the salt isn't working so people don't get pissed off that their county/city isn't putting down salt on the county roads. Complete and total bullsh1t - that's what it is. They are just not putting it down because the snow removal and winter road maintenance budgets keep getting cut every year. (Which makes me want to shout, "What am I paying taxes for anyway?!?!) Why not just own up to it?
/end rant

In other news, yesterday was my 60 day quit (smoking) anniversary; so yesterday wasn't completely full of fail. :D I find that I don't really think about smoking too much any more. Only in certain situations does it even cross my mind, and then fleetingly at that. I hope that this is a really good sign. *crosses fingers*

Work has been really busy this week. We are using the end of the year as an excuse to hit our backlog hard and fast. SO - a lot of busy-ness to make the day go by quickly.

1436 hrs:
The day has been flying by. It always helps the day go by when we all eat lunch together. Today was our Christmas potluck. The theme was "appetizers". I brought in spinach dip with cubed italian bread. It went over well and now my boss is swearing by it. Honestly, it was really easy. The recipe is on the back of the vegetable soup mix packet. Super easy and only costs about $6 for all of the ingredients (including the bread). This was what I was making when Nailz and I couldn't stop laughing.

Not much else to report today, though I fell like I am forgetting something. Tonight (if I remember), I will be posting a picture of Murphy with Santa.

Starting on a cup of coffee. This almost never happens in the afternoon. I'm already jazzed on caffeine, but a cuppa just sounds so good right now...

Heading to the parents' tomorrow for the holidays, so blogging will continue on December 29th. Ciao until then!

PLAYLIST:
Alannah Myles - Black Velvet
Angie Aparo - Cry
Audioslave - Be Yourself
Brandi Carlile - The Story
Bree Sharpton - David Duchovny
The Devlins - Waiting
Imogen Heap - Headlock
Lily Allen - Smile
Matchbox 20 - How Far We've Come
Mika - Lollipop
Mika - Love Today
Phantom Planet - California (thanks for getting me hooked on this song, Rudy! )
Plain White Tees - Hey There Delilah
Rainer Maria - Life of Leisure
Red Jumpsuit Apparatus - Face Down
Rilo Kiley - Breaking Up
Salt-n-Pepa - Shoop
STARS - Your Ex-Lover Is Dead (Final Fantasy X)

2008-12-22T16:22:00.003-06:00

ima wa...

0859 hrs:
Wow. Where does one begin? I'm not sure a weekend sum-up would be wise to attempt on a morning "break". This morning has been mildly interesting (if that's what you want to call it) already. When I went out to the garage this morning and opened the door, the trunk of my car was open. I thought, "Maybe I hit the trunk open button on my key fob last night by accident," and proceeded to press the unlock button. My car honked three times. This is the sign that after the car's alarm was enabled, it was tampered with. This made me very nervous. I went back up to the apato and told Nailz about it. (We were both running really late for work this morning...) Her car had had the snow wiped from the driver's side window as if someone had been looking in to see if there was anything good in there to steal. So - that made the morning interesting. We think maybe someone was checking out cars to break into last night - though why they would try to break into cars while it is 30 below zero is beyond me... All of this also made me a 1/2 hour late for work - which hasn't happened in....Well, I can't even recall the last time I was that late (which is probably a good thing, eh?).

1107 hrs:
I am already full of fail this week. How is that possible? Not only was I late this morning, but now I remembered that one of our vendors is bringing us pizza for lunch today and tomorrow is our potluck, so I don't need to bring lunch at all this week. Last night, I made it a point to make a dinner that would have enough left overs for lunch the two days I am at work this week. So I have my lunch with me... Now I have a bunch of left overs, but no time to eat them before I leave for Christmas vacation. Yes, I know - cry me a river, right? Well, I just hate wasting food. Maybe the curry I made last night is able to be frozen...

Also, another point of fail: made coffee once I got to work because I didn't get very much sleep last night (yes, again), because the upstairs neighbors were stomping around until after midnight (yes, again). Apparently, I made the coffee too strong because I've been having heart palpitations all morning and my left eye is twitchy. *sigh*

Come to think of it. Except for a couple of high points, I was made of fail this weekend, too. If I could, I would just crawl into bed and hide under the covers until the middle of January.

1427 hrs:
The day feels like it has gone very quickly. Of course, I have to stay a 1/2 hour later than usual because of this morning's lateness. Made the mistake of drinking a full-fledged Pepsi (i.e. one that is neither "diet", nor "caffeine-free"). You would think that after the heart palpitations of this morning, I would have known better. Well, my intelligence is often overestimated, but not often enough - especially in cases dealing with food and beverages.

Went grocery shopping this weekend. I spent A LOT on groceries considering I'm pretty much not going to be home for the next week. There were quite a few close contenders for this week's Grocery Titan title. I believe we need some honorable mentions/runners-up this week:

LKK Sweet Soy Sauce came in at $3.09, just barely beating out the new snow brush/scraper for my car at $2.99. About a head in front of those two titans was the Julekage bread that I bought on impulse from the bakery (how dare they put that right at the entrance where it smells all warm and spiced after the bitter, bitter cold of outside!) at a fair (?) price of $3.99.

BUT, this week's Grocery Titan title goes to the Gold n Plump chicken breasts - that really blew the other contenders out of the water by coming in at a hefty $6.99 for 20 oz!! That'll teach me to buy pork next time!

1510 hrs:
There are many things I could have written about here. Some of them might have even been amusing.

2008-12-19T15:04:00.003-06:00

somehow i'm keepin' it steady

0814 hrs:
Good morning. Ah~! I am happy that it is Friday. My day started out kind of rough when I almost got rear-ended on my way to work. Some people drive like they've never driven in snow before, or better yet - as if the roads haven't been sh1tty for the past week. It always amazes me that their vehicles aren't all banged up.

Had a hard time sleeping last night. I don't think I really fell into a good sleep until after 1am. The upstairs neighbors were stomping around above my room, so I kept getting woken up. It was one of those hazy sleeps where you're stuck in between the land of waking and the land of dreaming. I try not to think about how much sleep I've lost over the past few months because of the upstairs neighbors being noisy until the middle of the night. At some point, we won't live there anymore, and I think Nailz will agree that that day will be a very happy day.

Went lap swimming last night. This is the last night the pool will be open until January 7th. *sadness* I really enjoy lap swim. I feel like I am getting some good benefits from it and it is becoming easier. When I first started swimming again, I could barely do 10 laps, now I do 28 - 30 laps easily!

As the new year approaches, I have been thinking about some resolutions to make. It is always hard to for me to make resolutions because I usually just generalize and there is no way of enforcing them on myself. I guess a good one would be to stay smoke free for all of 2009. This will be the first time in 10 years that I haven't brought in the new year with a cigarette. How cool is that? That's exciting, that's what that is!!

1322 hrs:
The boss is gone today, so things have been really pretty quiet and happy around here. Everyone in the office seems to be getting a lot done, because there is a ton or rejoicing going on. I am going with the flow and getting quite a bit accomplished as well. Just about to organize and wipe off my desk. I haven't cleaned my desk since...*thinks* September or so? It's super dusty and has coffee cup rings all over and sticky notes everywhere. I'm sure there are crumbs under the keyboard. *grimaces and tries not to think about it*

In other news, I've been rocking out to Weezer's "Deluxe" album all day. I've just been playing it on loop. Because I have earbuds, I don't have to worry about it annoying my cow-orkers, so I really have at. Sometimes, I get into to a certain groove and if it feels good, so I don't feel like disrupting it by putting in a different album - especially when all the other stuff I have here at work has a totally different vibe than this album. I might want to change modes later in the afternoon, but for now, Weezer it is!! XD

1503 hrs:
I never thought working in an Access Database of over 80,000 records would be so fun! <__<>__>

PLAYLIST:
Weezer - Deluxe (red album)
The Darkness - Permission to Land

2008-12-18T16:00:00.003-06:00

thunder only happens when it's raining

0845 hrs:
*big yawn*

0902 hrs:
Just brewed some coffee. Have decided to count calories today just to see what my daily intake is like. There is a website where you can get the nutrition data for almost anything. Here's what they have to say about coffee: http://www.nutritiondata.com/facts/beverages/3898/2

I would say that 2 calories per 8 oz is a pretty good deal. I add 2 sugar packets (30 calories) and a dollop of 1% milk (give or take 10 calories). That means I am only taking in about 50 calories per coffee that I make.

Compare a home- (or office- as the case may be) made cup of coffee to the alternative: http://www.nutritiondata.com/facts/foods-from-starbucks/9604/2

Doesn't that coffee sound yummy? But it has no nutritional value AND it is 227 calories more than a plain, 12 oz cup of coffee (which, I might point out, has Amino Acids where the Starbucks does not). Add on to that the fact that the coffee I am drinking at this very moment (Maxwell House, Good to the Last Drop) cost me...*thinks*...maybe about $0.10 whereas the Starbucks would have set me back at least $3.50 plus tax and tip and I think I've just made a major dietary change decision. (Not that I drank a lot of coffee house coffee before, but now it just doesn't seem worth it!)

1139 hrs:
Have been thinking over the last few months about what it takes to have a blog or LJ that people find worth reading. I seem to have lost a lot of what made this blog interesting in the (very) beginning. From what I can tell, people who have a wide readership usually have something interesting to say about something other than themselves (in other words, SUBSTANCE). Sometimes, there is even humor involved. If I take a look at those three qualifications, my blog appears to be as dry and boring as unsalted flour crackers. This may be resultant of my life in general. I don't do things that others see as interesting and when I do, I'm too busy having fun to blog about it. In some way, it makes one want to give up. But maybe I enjoy yelling into the void too much - even if no one else ever hears me...

1537 hrs:
I am already excited that tomorrow is Friday. I have so many good and productive things to do this weekend and I just can't wait to get to it!! XD

Young Master Murphy gets to visit Santa on Saturday on get his picture taken. I'll have to trim his claws so that he doesn't injure Santa out of pure, feline joy.

Guess that is about it. I've gotten a lot of work done today and at about 3pm I finished the last page of the revised process document (45 pages!) and felt like I should be able to just go home. As if, "I've done what I've come to do. Now I leave." Just like that. That would nice, ne? *dreams*

Also, checked the Powerball numbers and I won $4. I think I know where I'm going to be buying my tickets from now on!

PLAYLIST:
The Decemberistis - The Crane Wife (proved too gently for first thing in the morning)
NEWS - Color (always helps to pep things up a bit)
Dir en grey - Uroboros (good for energizing the mid-afternoon slump hours)

2008-12-17T12:46:00.003-06:00

what do i care how much it may storm? i've got my murphy to keep me warm

0914 hrs:
Have been tuning out my cow-orkers all morning. They have been especially chatty this week. While I sometimes enjoy joining in, most times I just turn up my music. Because I have the noise-canceling ear buds, turning up my music is particularly effective. This pleases me.

What doesn't please me is being super-sleepy for the 3rd day in a row. I'll admit that I went to bed too late last night. And I took a sleeping pill again to stay asleep until my alarm went off. To me, there is nothing more annoying than waking up before your alarm goes off. D=

I have decided there are "rules" to driving in Minnesota in the winter. Here are the 2 I've been reminded of since it first snowed and dipped below zero:

1) Before getting in line for a drive-thru, it is a good idea to check if your window will be able to roll down first. This is important because if it is unable to be rolled down, you end up having to open your door a lot and yell your order. If the window is frozen, it's easiest just to park and run inside.

2) The rules of behavior when dealing with wild animals in close quarters can be applied to driving on slick winter roads: no sudden movements and you should be fine. Now you have to worry about the other idiots on the road!

1157 hrs:
This morning I woke up thinking it was Thursday. What a disappointment to realize it is only Wednesday! It feels as though this week has been extra long. I'm sure this is the result of not having this past weekend off. Is it just me or has Christmas really snuck up on us? I still have 1 gift to get this weekend. I thought I was done Christmas shopping, but I had forgotten one thing for one person. *sigh* So I will be in the crowds this weekend...Can you feel my enthusiasm??

I AM looking forward to wrapping all of the Christmas gifts this weekend, though. I really actually enjoy the wrapping more than anything. Plus, I have a TON of new wrapping paper and supplies, so I'm pretty excited to use up the old and get to the new (because that's my rule...)!

1235 hrs:
Just about to post this. Was going to write something, but my mind has decided to forget it. Must not have been that important...

I think this afternoon calls for Christmas classics!! XD

PLAYLIST:
NEWS - Color
Frank Sinatra - The Christmas Collection
Nat King Cole - The Christmas Song album
Bing Crosby - The Christmas Collection

2008-12-16T14:27:00.003-06:00

0814 hrs:
Guh. Didn't sleep well last night. As mentioned in yesterday's entry, I went to the Tonic Sol-Fa concert last night. It went for over 2 1/2 hours! >__<; It was a really good concert, but I am wishing it would not have been on a Monday night. The concert ended after 10pm and then they were in the lobby signing autographs and meeting fans. I saw the line and decided to just go home. *big pause* Yeah....that didn't exactly work out. The parking ramp that I parked in was connected to Orchestra Hall and therefore the one that was the most full. I got in my car and sat in the line for about 10 minutes, not moving an inch. I knew it would take a good half hour or more (and half a tank of gas while idling) to even get out of the parking ramp, so I backed up into a spot and went back in to stand in line for an autograph. I was one of the last in line, so by the time I got back to my car, the parking ramp was deserted. By that time it was almost 11pm. Got home and went straight to bed, but couldn't fall asleep until after midnight; too much going on in the old noggin. *le sigh* To make it worse, I woke up at 5:30am and woke up every 5 minutes after that. There is honestly no place I would want to be more than in my bed right now. I took preemptive steps this morning to try to keep myself awake by getting a 16 oz. latte. We will see if it works. *hopes and prays* 1028 hrs:
The latte saved me this morning. Well...I did do some work while standing up in my cube just to keep awake, but I only had to do that for a few minutes and have been ok ever since.

The weather forecast is looking nasty again tonight. We still have slick roads from the storm that came through on Sunday night. The only good thing about more snow is that the temperature will rise a little bit. 'Course, then it will probably just plunge right back down to below-zero temperatures.

I actually really love winter - even the biting below-zero temperatures. I don't even mind driving on slick or snowy roads that much. It's when there are a lot of other drivers on the road that I start to get nervous about getting in an accident.

I have a dentist appointment tonight. I have to get yet another filling. I don't understand how I am getting all of these cavities; I brush my teeth morning and night, floss (almost) every day and don't eat a lot of sugary foods. Apparently, a lot of it is genetic. My mother says she has more cavities than she has teeth. I think that might be a bad sign for me. 0_o

1145 hrs:
The boss just left (probably for the rest of the day). She has a meeting at another location and so of course, the office staff breathe a big sigh of relief. It's not that our boss is horrible or overbearing (in fact, most of the time, quite the opposite) - it's just the fact that she's the boss. And it is a universal rule that when the boss leaves, everyone always feels a bit more at ease.

Having written that, I don't remember what else I was going to write about other than the fact that despite being tired, I have gotten quite a bit done this morning. Yay!

1404 hrs:
Also - The MOM SONG

Really funny, even if you're not a mom.

PLAYLIST:
mp3 player on random *bows to randomness*

2008-12-15T13:12:00.002-06:00

i don't wanna hurt nobody, but a bee has got to sting

0838 hrs:
SUPER SLEEPY....I've been here for an hour and already I feel as if I can't keep my eyes open.

0857 hrs:
I went in to the break room to start brewing some elixir of life and noticed that I would grunt every once in a while. I must have sounded like a confused wookie! Now, though, I have a nice, steaming cup of java in front of me and soon I will be much more awake and productive (I hope).

1001 hrs:
With caffeine on my side, I am starting to win the battle against sleepiness. In fact, I am so awake that I can safely listen to Christmas music without the fear of falling asleep at my desk. :)

1307 hrs:
Time to post this baby. BUT - a few items of note first.

- There will be no grocery titan to post this week, as I am living off of leftovers this week.

- I've decided that my favorite Christmas album is Nat King Cole, with Frank Sinatra coming in a close 2nd. Bing is awesome as well, but I don't feel as inspired to sing along as the other two.

- Tonight, I have tickets to Orchestra Hall to Tonic Sol-Fa's Christmas concert.

- It just hit me that there really is only a couple of weeks left in the year. How crazy! The time sure does go faster the older you get...

PLAYLIST:
Colin Meloy Sings Sam Cooke
Asian Kung Fu Generation -
The Darkness - One Way Ticket to Hell...And Back
Bing Crosby - The Christmas Collection
Nat King Cole - The Christmas Song album
Frank Sinatra - The Christmas Collection

2008-12-12T15:10:00.002-06:00

we are the angels and we are the ones that are praying

0815 hrs:
I can already tell that today is going to be a rough work day. I went to bed later than usual last night, so I am feeling sleepy already. In an attempt to head-off this exact situation, I went through the coffee drive-thru on the way to work. I was surprised when the monthly specialty drink was only $2.50. I could've sworn that with tip it costs about $5 for a 20oz. So I was a bit taken aback, but I drove on to work. My first sip of my "coffee" was at 8am. It was super pepperminty (the drink of the month is candy cane flavored) and didn't taste like coffee at all. Maybe that's because I ordered the steamer instead of the latte (which is what I wanted). Gah! So here I am with a non-caffeinated drink when what I really want and need is some good ol' espresso flowing through my veins to keep me awake on this gloomy Friday. *sigh*

0932 hrs:
Do you ever have one of those nights where you have really strange dreams, but you just know that it was your subconscious mind working through the events of the day? I had some really strange dreams last night, but a lot of the main elements were from events that happened yesterday; small things that for some reason my subconscious decided to focus on. Shampoo, milk and the like.

1459 hrs:
I've had a good day. It has gone by really quickly! I feel like a big goofball right now, but must hold back because I'm at work.

I resolved the caffeine crisis from earlier today by putting on a pot of coffee here at work and combining it with what remainder of my steamer - it was delicious! Because I no longer drink coffee on a regular basis, the caffeine buzz is incredible! The caffeine high has not worn off yet and I feel bad for my cow-orkers because I'm such a chatterbox when I'm highly-caffeinated. *sigh*

I've also gotten a lot done today, so feeling productive adds to the high. :D

Now that I've taken 1/2 of a page to say absolutely nothing of substance, I'll be off to try to finish up the projects I'm working on. Ciao for now!

2008-12-11T14:58:00.002-06:00

she had no heart so hardened

1023 hrs:
Just got out of a meeting. Man - it felt like it would go on forever! I forgot to buy a lottery ticket last night, so I had no chance of calling in rich today. I will have to remember to buy one on Saturday. Wouldn't it be awesome to win? One can always dream.

I guess I don't have much to say. I have a lot of work to do this month and it feels like no time to do it in. I'm not going to give up this small pleasure of blogging twice a day because otherwise, I wouldn't get a break. I am still smoke-free, so I don't get the 15 minute break in the morning and afternoon anymore like I used to. Tomorrow I will have been smoke-free for 50 days. Go me!

1135 hrs:
Today, I have proven to myself that sometimes if you just sit on a problem long enough, it will resolve itself. Those are my favorite types of problems! That may sound bad, but sometimes when something is not urgent and you put it aside for more important issues, the other problem just quietly resolves itself and when you go back to work on it, there is no need. Wouldn't it be nice if most of life's problems were like that?

1438 hrs:
and when i'm dreaming i know that it's all right

I really do not like the end of the year when it comes to work anyway. There's always a mad dash to the 31st and then everything seems to come to a screaming halt. Also, the darkness of the season makes it feel like one endless night.

I keep thinking I had something to say, but apparently, I don't. *sigh* OH! <--inspiration strikes

I was going to write that one of my New Year's resolutions is going to be to think before I speak. While I sometimes do this anyway and in the right social situations I am good at filtering myself - I think I still need to work on it.

PLAYLIST:
The Decemberists - The Crane Wife
Weezer - Deluxe

2008-12-10T14:18:00.002-06:00

i would only be a liar if i told you that

0850 hrs:
I'm mostly back to normal. Had a good chat with Nailz last night about the noisy upstairs neighbors. I've determined that there are two big contributing factors to the times when I feel that the noise from upstairs is too much to take. The first thing is that the noise disrupts my train of thought. Feeling as if I cannot complete one thought makes it hard for me to complete a logical thought to calm myself down and not get super angry. The second is that the evenings where it affects me the most tend to be nights where I don't have a goal for the night or a project to concentrate on. SO - I'm taking action. I'm going to make sure that every evening I have a project or two to concentrate on. I think having a goal or mission every night will not only help me tune out the noise, but also allow me to feel productive.

So that is that. Back to the every day ho-hum blogs about work and random things. :D

Today, I received an email from a cow-orker and it had an emoticon (if you could call it that) that I'd never seen (or thought of) before. It is complex, but very cute. Check it out!

{=0)~

How cute is that? As a girl, I must squeal with delight.

1408 hrs:
Today, my office had a cookie exchange. The basic concept is that there is a period of time during which people sign up to bring in cookies. At the end of the sign up period, everyone who signed up makes a 1/2 dozen cookies per person that signed up, plus brings in 1 extra dozen for everyone who didn't sign up. SO - 12 people in our office signed up, so I had to bring in 7 dozen cookies today to share - BUT, I also get to take home 1/2 dozen of everyone else's cookies - so 6 dozen cookies for home consumption. Pretty cool, eh? I have been eating cookies all day and am feeling completely stuffed and sleepy. Oh green tea - please save me from the afternoon sleepies!

In other news, last night I finished reading A Year Down Yonder by Richard Peck. It was a really good book and made me laugh on a good many occasions. My only (very slight) criticism is that it ends very suddenly and things are wrapped up so simply that I felt a bit cheated; as if I deserved at least 1 more page of wrap-up. But yes, still good. Now, I have to dig in my stack of Newberry Medal and Honor books to see what I will be reading before bed tonight. :)

PLAYLIST:
iTunes CD - volume 2
Mostly the new Singles from The Decemberists and then other random songs from my
iTunes account
NEWS - Color

2008-12-09T12:53:00.001-06:00

and the raincoat that you wore when it rained today, i think it only made it rain more

0948 hrs:
Ah. Rough weekend, it was. I called in yesterday morning with the intention of coming in to work at noon, but it was not to be. I wish I could explain exactly what made this weekend so rough, but I am still in the process of working it over and over in my mind to try to find any logic at all in it. One minute I was determined and full of positive energy, the next crying in the kitchen over cookies that weren't turning out right. Sometimes, it feels as if I am on an emotional roller coaster that I cannot get off of.

I have noticed that caffeine makes these mood swings worse, so I have cut caffeine almost completely out of my diet (except for 2 cups of green tea spaced out evenly during the work day). Also, a lot of this instability seems to be strongly linked to the constant noise from our upstairs neighbors. When it is too loud for too long, I just start to lose it. Yesterday, I had packed my laptop bag with all kinds of activities that could occupy me for a few hours and was practically running out the door to escape the incredibly annoying noise. When it gets to that point, I don't know what to do with myself. The noise is jolting and I can't complete any thoughts, so the only thought that runs through my mind (over and over) is that I have to leave, I have to leave, I can't live here anymore, I have to leave...

There really has never been a time in my life where I've felt so much like a trapped and panicked animal. It seems that there is no way out of this horrible living situation other than to run away, but first I'd have to gnaw off my own hand or foot to get free.

Interestingly enough, the thing that is keeping me tied to this situation is the JET Program. Until I know whether or not I am granted an interview, I can't really make a move. I'll say one thing though - if it turns out I don't get to the interview stage, I will be immediately looking to buy a house and get the hell out of our current apartment. If I am granted an interview, I'll just have to continue to use any coping strategy I can to stay sane under the craptacular living conditions.

And stuck in the middle of all this drama is Nailz. Sometimes I wonder what she thinks when she comes home to her roommate talking "crazy" and eyes watering from the distress of living under such noisy neighbors. I can say that when she is there, I feel a lot less crazy - and that is comforting...

2008-12-05T14:50:00.003-06:00

the dawn obscured by a slate sky raining

0811 hrs:
I just started my own Ta Da List yesterday and already I'm in love with it and have 4 different lists with 22 items combined listed on them. This thing rocks! About now, I'm wishing I had an iPhone or other web-friendly phone (because let's face it - my little flip phone just wouldn't cut it) so I could get to my Ta Da list any time, any where. *dreams*

1110 hrs:
You might notice something different about my playlist today. Namely that I'm not listening to the same album over and over ... and over. *grin* I decided that I was getting too addicted to Weezer and NEWS. I had to step back and listen to other things. Mainly, I think I was listening to the other two albums constantly because I was too lazy to try to pick something else out. I am so glad I did - I seem to be in a much better mood due to the change.

I have had my ear buds in all morning with the volume up. I've been rocking out while cranking out quite a bit of much needed documentation. I've been a bit neglectful of this specific document, but now I see that it really needed some TLC (4 hours of it, so far!). Think I will put it aside for the rest of the day though, and go back to concentrating on the frustrating problem resolution tasks that are still hanging over my head from Tuesday. Guh.

1239 hrs:
Even though 3 weeks ago I swore that I would spend third weekend at home and, for a change, not do anything at all. Yeah...That just didn't happen. The universe plotted against me and now I have a to-do list and social calendar that is chock-full. *sigh* I have to get up really early tomorrow morning and take my car in for an oil change. It's a couple thousand miles overdue, but better late than never... Maybe I'll take it to JiffyLube this time. Every time I take it to Precision Tune they try to sucker me into getting a bunch of other maintenance services. I feel like saying, "Listen buddy - I'm not retarded. I know I don't need those services, so can it and just change my damn oil like I'm paying you to!" I long for a set of ramps and then I could just do it myself in my garage. Man - that would probably save money in the long run too... *schemes*

Also, would like to go out to an arts/crafts show in the afternoon to see if I can get any Christmas shopping done. Then, in the evening, I have a graduation party to go to. Sunday promises to be full of grocery shopping/Christmas shopping and baking 7 dozen Christmas cookies for work. There's other stuff too, but it's all on my Ta Da List, so I know I won't forget it. :D

Well, I've bored people enough for today. Off to bore my co-workers!!

1448 hrs:
AH HA! Not so fast with that sigh of relief!

I just did something completely contrary to the whole idea of Ta Da List. I just copied and pasted the lists I need for this weekend into a Word document and printed them out. Then I proceeded to write more items in by hand as I remembered them. Um...I'm pretty sure that goes against some of the most basic concepts behind an online to-do list. Oops.... I may or may not be addicted to making lists - real ones - on paper.

PLAYLIST:
The Decemberists - The Crane Wife
Colin Meloy Sings Live
The Darkness - One Way Ticket to Hell...And Back
The Beatles - Let It Be
Asian Kung-Fu Generation - single
Dir en grey - Uroboros

2008-12-04T15:50:00.002-06:00

evil, thy name is Cargill

0920 hrs:
I usually don't really read too much news for the simple fact that it usually depresses the crap out of me. This series is an exception. I won't even pretend that it is objective journalism, but sometimes I wonder if journalists rightfully slant the news to make the reader realize the monumental matters at stake.

While searching for a word on the tip of my tongue, I came across this interesting link. I find stuff like this really fascinating!

i don't have the patience to keep it on the up

1118 hrs:
This morning has flown by nicely. I am happy that it is Thursday. Even though I know this, I keep thinking it is really Wednesday in disguise.

I'm already thinking about this weekend because there is so much on my agenda. I keep writing things down, but even then I feel like I'm forgetting things. *shakes head*

Work has been really busy this morning (problem after problem to resolve) and I had a meeting on top of that. I had to set out my development goals for the next couple of months. Blech. I wish I could just do my job and not have to do any of that extra stuff - especially now that I actually have quite a bit of work to do that takes up some time.

I think there was something else I was going to write about, but I can't remember it now. *sigh*

1549 hrs:
This has kind of been the day from hell. It's been such a whirlwind of different work issues and drama that I can't even put it into words. I am glad the day is over in 10 minutes. *wipes brow*

PLAYLIST:
Weezer - Red Album [Deluxe] (over and over and over)
NEWS - Color

2008-12-03T14:20:00.003-06:00

you try to play it cool like you just don't care, but soon i'll be playing in your underwear

1155 hrs:
*laughs* I am in a good mood today. There are so many things I want to write about, but there are too many and they are spinning around in my head at too fast a pace to catch each one.

Currently, I am listening to Nat King Cole's "The Christmas Song" album. I would just like to state for the record (and also to warn my poor roommate) that on Saturday or Sunday I will be baking Christmas cookies for the office cookie exchange and I WILL be listening to every Christmas album I own on repeat. I will also most likely be singing along loudly in the fashion of my mother when she bakes Christmas cookies. There are times where I am so obviously my mother's daughter. :D

Did I ever mention that I read Bridge to Terabithia a couple of weeks ago? Well, I did - and it still is sticking with me, even though I am reading A Year Down Yonder right now. I am working my way through the stack of Newberry Medal and Newberry Honor winners that I have next to my bed. I'm not doing the best, but considering I read manga frequently and am also slowly reading Importing Diversity (an anthropology study of Japan's JET Program), I think I'm doing pretty well. I just get so distracted that I can't really read just one book at a time. :)

Well, time for lunch. Will probably write again in the afternoon, so I'll wait to post this for now.

1411 hrs:
I am positively falling asleep at my desk. Sad thing is, one minute I'm going through the database I help to maintain and fixing records and feel perfectly awake, the next minute I'm nodding and my left pinky has been hitting CTRL repeatedly. *sigh*

One of the dangers of database maintenance is falling asleep. It does get pretty boring. Earlier today I spent a little bit of time (in order to wake up) surfing these links:

I'm pretty sure, most men would not like it if the girl they were about to sleep with pulled one of these out. Of course, it is in centimeters, so it might be ok for those conversionally challenged...

I liked the commentary that went with this picture. Ron Weasley would have fainted dead away at the sight of that.

Do I need to even say what my thoughts were when I saw this? Any thoughts originating from the gutter would be pretty right on.

How awesome is this?

I find it interesting that if you look closely at this picture, behind the people running you can see people who have fallen. That must be just as dangerous as being run over by a horse... Yikes...

And lastly, this interests me greatly. It is most interesting when people go missing, seemingly without a trace...

2008-12-02T15:53:00.002-06:00

still now you're waiting to grow, inside you're old

0825 hrs:
Lazy day....the boss is out of the office today and there is not really that much for me to do yet. This afternoon will be busy, but the morning stretches out before me calm and motionless. In order to take a moment to entertain myself, I have read a webcomic that I usually read during my lunch break, but yesterday it wasn't yet updated. In the news post, they linked to this.

I am serious when I say that if I am ever dating a guy and I walk into his place of residence and he has anything close to that displayed, I will turn around, walk out and never look back. It's not that I'm against nerds or geeks (to the contrary, I feel a strong kinship with them), it's that all of that collector crap costs a lot of money and over time, the amount of money invested in such collectibles would be bound to be a subject of contention in the future. Also, when a guy is that much into gaming or fantasy worlds, etc. he deserves a girl who will indulge him. I am not that girl.

1040 hrs:
Sometimes it is really hard for me to not worry about things. All morning I've been worrying about the crockpot at home. Specifically, I am worried that the cat will do something to it. More specifically, that he will be curious about it and knock it off of the counter. Even more specifically, that after he has knocked it off the counter, the dog or cat will choke on chicken bones. *frets*

I'm so worried about it that I rescheduled my chiropractic appointment that I was supposed to go to directly after work. Sad, I know...

In other news, it is time for announcing this week's Grocery Titan:
1/2 gallon Oberweiss Farm Fresh milk at $3.60 (the good stuff in the glass bottles - yummy!!)

Not bad. It was a relatively small and inexpensive grocery trip this week. I bought a lot of fresh veggies that I now have to find a way to use before they go bad. Eek!

1319 hrs:
Almost forgot to mention that this morning's sunrise was unreal. It was so beautiful and different from most ordinary sunrises. It made me wonder if a person could tell the difference between a sunset and a sunrise if just shown a picture of each. What makes it obvious it is a sunrise of sunset?

2008-12-01T13:02:00.002-06:00

one way ticket to hell....and back

0955 hrs:
Happy December 1st!

I'm not much of a fan of Mondays, but today seems ok. I have a mini-monthly calendar of Maxine and this month it says, "If each day is a gift, I'd like to know where to return Mondays." Amen, eh?

It feels like a lot has happened since the last time I blogged - but not much in reality. Little things here and there make it seem like a lot. :)

On my drive home to South Dakota, I saw a few things that really made me smile. The first was a kid who was in the back of a station wagon. He was looking right at me. I couldn't help but smile. It took me back to when my older brother, sister and I would do all kinds of weird things on road trips to get the attention of other drivers. I'm sure we distracted a fair number of drivers, but we had so much fun. And our imaginations were so weird! We used to play what we called "credit card", which involved licking our palms and then pressing them against the rear window and saying "Here's your credit card!" after which we would burst into fits of giggles of course. I shake my head trying to remember the logic of it all.

Outside of Sioux Falls, SD I saw two wild turkeys running along a fence as if they were being chased. Seeing as it was 3pm on Thanksgiving day, I think they were safe, but it just seemed like they were making a break for freedom.

Also witnessed a red-tailed hawk fetch its dinner from right in front of my moving car when I was only a couple of miles from my parents' house.

The weather for the drive down was pretty amazing and I was very grateful for a smooth trip.

the wheels came off but i'm still on track

1235 hrs:
Today has been pretty good for a Monday, but I wouldn't mind if it went by just a little bit faster. *hopes* I hope everyone else's Mondays aren't too bad...

Seems as if my pocketbook is hemorrhaging lately. Lots of big expenses in a very short time. It is a relief to me that 2 out of the 3 big expenses are only once-in-a-while expenses. I had a set of 4 new tires put on my car (that was one of the big three) and my 6-month payment for car insurance is due this week (another of the big three) and then rent was put in the box this morning (thanks for remembering Nailz). *sigh* Luckily, tax season is coming up, so there (hopefully) will be a little bit of something to replenish my pocketbook.

While I was home this weekend, I watched two movies with my parents: Finding Nemo (yes, I FINALLY watched it for the first time) and Michael Clayton with George Clooney as the lead actor. Both were really good - especially Michael Clayton. I can't stop thinking about how handsome George Clooney is, though. I know that he's had some work done, but dang....I don't care - he's very easy on the eyes...

I need to restart a serious effort to start eating better and exercising. Today has been uncomfortable for me because my pants feel so tight around the thighs and waist. *depressed sigh* I refuse to buy new jeans - it was hard enough to find the ones I have now, I refuse to go looking for more! *pouts*

Well, guess that's about it. Hope all enjoyed their holiday!

PLAYLIST:
NEWS - Color
Nat King Cole - The Christmas Song (album)
Colin Meloy Sings Sam Cooke
The Decemberists - The Tain
The Decemberists - 5 Songs
The Decemberists - Castaways and Cutouts

2008-11-26T13:42:00.002-06:00

a life uncommon

0840 hrs:
I'm determined to write down a few things before I get so involved in work that I forget them. So - here goes:

Last night, I had a dental appointment. I had to have 2 spots of possible dental decay checked on. Turns out one spot needed to be filled and then the dentist discovered another cavity in one of my wisdom teeth. Nothing major, but I had one filling put in last night and had to make another appointment for the other one. I can't recall ever having been so afraid of pain before as I was last night. All of these cavities in recent years is confounding because I have good oral hygiene habits and I don't drink sodas or sugary drinks, so I'm really curious as to why I would only have had 2 cavities in the first 28 years of my life and then all of a sudden have 6 filled in the space of 1 year. Anywho, due to the dental work last night, my mouth is a bit tender this morning. Harumph....

I woke to some really strange dreams this morning. It seems that I still haven't graduated from dream high school, because I had a dream where I was back in my old school and there were a few of my classmates present. I was really interesting. Usually the dreams are bad dreams, but this time it was ok. This time I wasn't the one being picked on or scared of getting beat up. This time, I was the one they had to fear getting beat up by. It was one of those dreams where you are back in high school, but you're the age you are in real life, so having to attend feels like a punishment. I really hated having to be there. The coolest thing about the dream was that Janet A. was in it. In the dream she was the kind of girl was way too cool for school and we had gone out for a cigarette with Nicole and a few others and on the way back in, Janet just kept her cigarette with her and then snubbed it out right in front of the teacher outside the classroom door. The class was completely disorganized and most people completely ignored the teacher or had their heads down on their desks and sleeping. This was understandable, as the teacher was reading books aloud to us. Strange, eh?

And the last thing that I didn't want to forget to blog about was one of the things I noticed this morning that I love about winter. I love the bare branches of the trees and the cold pastels of a clear morning sky as the sun comes up. Everything looks so bare and crisp. Now all I'd want is some real snow - but maybe not until after the Thanksgiving weekend, eh?

1047 hrs:
Today is going fairly slow. It's probably because quite a few people have the day off. Seeing as my work load depends on them being at work, my work load this morning has been very light. Glad I have Friday off - I'm sure that would be unbearably slow...

Yesterday, I shared a home-organization tip I'd thought of this weekend with the ladies in the office and they reacted like I was a genius. I have to admit that the tip is pretty amazing and helpful, but I couldn't possibly be the first person to think of it. Nailz thought it was awesome as well. Now - if only I could copyright or get paid for that idea. But I couldn't - it's common sense. It is one of those things where once you hear it, you think, "Why didn't I ever think of that?" Heh. I feel as if I have gained esteem in the female home-related realm. Seems I can never speak to anything related to home affairs while at work because I'm not married and I don't have any kids and the ladies dismiss my interjections quickly. NOW - I've gained a bit of respect. *head getting bigger by the second*

1340 hrs:
Not much to add. The rest of the day seems to be speeding by. Work has been steady since 11am or so. I hope everyone has a safe and happy holiday weekend!!

PLAYLIST:
Jewel - Spirit
Mix CD - NEWS and KAT-TUN dancey music XD

2008-11-25T15:02:00.003-06:00

who made up all the rules? we follow them like fools.

1133 hrs:
I think that my blogging while at work might be decreasing. It seems that the more work there is to do, the more my mind goes blank on personal affairs. Yes, yes...I must be becoming a drone.

All I can think about right now is lunch - not that I have a tasty one or anything, but it is always nice to not have to be/look busy for a while.

I think there was something I was going to write about today, but I can't remember what now.

Anywho - here is something for Rudy (from my work signs book):

Reasons Why Alcohol Should Be Served at Work
-It's an incentive to show up on time
-It leads to a frank and honest exchange of opinions and ideas
-Everyone in the office looks more attractive and sounds more intelligent
-Being found slumped over the photocopier or weeping uncontrollably in a corner is no longer a social gaffe
-The stationery cupboard is finally put to good use
-It creates a level playing field - spouting incoherent nonsense is no longer the exclusive province of management

*lifts glass to Rudy* Cheers.

1458 hrs:
Ever get to the last hour of your work day and not know what to do with it? I'm feeling that way today. It's enough time to not be able to sham, but not enough time to actually get started on something else.

I'm about to post this, but I thought I would post about an important milestone in my life: I have been smoke-free for over 30 days now. I have survived all kinds of challenges like going out drinking, going to parties, going to concerts, being around other smokers and a drill weekend.

One of the biggest helps has been my best friend, Nailz. She's refrained from smoking around me on occasions where we normally would. Thank you and please continue to lend me your strong support! ^___^