A friend said to me last night: "Your teens are for fun, your 20s for love and your 30s for money."
It's strange she should bring that up because lately I've been wondering if I missed the love boat. I realize that, in general, people are socialized to believe that your 20s are when you fall in love and (if you so choose) get married. Some cultures are becoming more accepting and even encouraging marrying later. But it didn't ever occur to me that if you choose to not seek out a partner, that your heart might still look for love.
Last year, I had studied archery under the tutelage of a woman in her 50s who has never married. Not long after we started practicing together, a man also in his 50s started to show up occasionally and practice with us. I didn't think anything of it at the time. Then, my teacher was transferred far away for work. For a while, the man kept coming to practice, but after a bit of time, he stopped coming altogether. I asked another man who is frequently at the practice area and he said that the other man had stopped practicing shortly after my teacher left. He said this with a meaningful look in his eye.
Something about the whole thing made me feel a bit melancholy. It made me realize that no matter how old you get, your heart doesn't stop trying to love. I don't think it will ever be able to shut down and not feel a longing for someone else when you meet them. And it will still happen that your heart may choose someone whose heart doesn't match yours.
I had honestly, kind of hoped (fatalistically) that if I didn't find someone by a certain age, that my heart would just go about the normal business of beating and not seek out other people. But at the same time, it kind of gave me hope. Maybe some day my heart will settle on a person whose heart will settle on me, too.
Labels: blather, complete ramble, love life