masquerade
From yesterday onwards, I had and will have my last classes at each school. A few thoughts have been running through my head about it.
First, is that I feel like I have a pretty good grasp of what my own funeral would be like. The way my leaving is lamented, you would think I really had died. It's all quite dramatic. I feel almost awkward for not partaking in the spectacle of crying so much. While I don't want to belittle anyone's process of separation, all this attention leaves me feeling embarrassed.
Second is that as my classes finish up, I'm finally starting to feel completely at ease in the classroom and my classes have been going really well! Initially, I thought, "Of course, now that I'm leaving I feel confident and the kids are having fun", but now I realize that it's because I'm leaving that I feel so at ease and confident. Knowing that these last classes ARE my last classes, I can really enjoy them without caring so much about sticking to the curriculum and without feeling pressure for the kids wanting me to come back. (What does this say about me? That I'm only relaxed and comfortable when I know something is almost over??)
So it's kind of double-edged. I'll admit that even though I have something to look forward to after all of this, saying all of these goodbyes is rather depressing.
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