Cosmic Log - What's Happening in Space
Nailz and I's Infamous Picture
just let go
0821 hrs:
*sigh* Thinking black thoughts this morning. I am exhausted, as I didn't get to sleep last night until 1am. I was in bed at midnight, but I just layed there and stared at the ceiling, my thoughts racing. The source of my current "mental distress" is of course a boy - named "Jo-L" for our purposes. A couple of days ago, he invited me to a Halloween party that is this weekend. Last night he called and after chatting for a bit, he said that he had invited another girl that he's been dating, so we're both going to be there at the same time. He said that he wanted to let me know so that it wouldn't be "awkward". Huh. Of course, while I was on the phone with him, I was very cool about the whole deal and took it very well. I would give myself an Oscar for my ability to act like I was NOT completely taken off guard, when I was actually pretty ticked off.
It is not that I expected him to be serious about me, but I certainly didn't foresee him putting me face to face with another of his girls. I don't want to be made a fool of. Jo-L is definitely not worth another tiny bit of my (admittedly battered) pride. I guess I am mostly angry (and a bit hurt?). Apparently, I am not worth his time (seeing as I haven't seen him in over a month) unless it is convenient for him or it is in a group setting where he can invite his girlfriend. I am not going to compete for someone's attention. If a person is interested enough in me, I shouldn't have to put in a concerted effort just to keep their limited attention. I'm not going to debase myself that way. He's an idiot. That's what I've come to understand. And he's not worth my time, or even the effort I took in writing all of this.
0855 hrs:
Listening to KAT-TUN solves all problems. Especially Natsu no Basho, Lovejuice, Don't U Ever Stop, TABOO and Our Story. They are just so EPIC sounding. Big sound, big emotions...It is a really good catharsis.
As an after thought to the first part of the first entry: even though I have decided that Jo-L is not worth my time, I have decided that if someone will go with me to the party, I will go. I can't help it - I'm curious who this other girl is. Besides that, some day soon I'll look back on this and laugh - why not start now and it might be a good party story later that everyone can have a good laugh about (after the appall has worn off). Also, I have to admit that sometimes I get bored if my life is not sometimes touched by "DRAMA!!". I will try not to torture Nailz by recounting it too often or dwelling on it too much. As she so accurately put it: "Jo-L makes you crazy and you don't need any more crazy."
1154 hrs:
Have been keeping myself fairly busy this morning. This afternoon is already full of things that need to be done. We are being audited, so there is of course a lot to do. *tired sigh*
I'm not feeling the best today. Probably from lack of sleep and other things. I am looking forward to lunch, but am going to wait a few more minutes.
Tonight, I will be putting the wheels of fate in motion. I'm going to submit my online JET application and then tomorrow put the paper packet together and mail it to the Embassy. I'm nervous, because everything beyond here is unpredictable. I like thinking I know what is going to happen in the future, so this is scary for me. Heh. XD Nailz, will you look through the application with me to make sure I didn't miss something? I need a pair of eyes that haven't looked at it a million times.
Well, that's about it for today. No playlist, as I've been listening to the 30 songs I have on my newly resurrected mp3 player on repeat. *rolls eyes at self* Putting more songs on it is something I'm going to try to do tonight though.
1242 hrs:
Last couple of notes:
There is a guy here at work (I'll call him Leo) who I had a close encounter with after a Happy Hour last spring (he kissed me unexpectedly). I put a stop to it very quickly by letting him know nicely, but bluntly that I was not interested in him that way. Things are still weird, though. Luckily, he works in a different part of the building and now has a girlfriend. Still...We both avoid eye contact and rarely acknowledge the other person's presence. I actively avoid him if possible. Isn't that sad? It makes working here a bit weird some days. *sigh*
The ladies are looking over cookbooks over lunch. It is really funny, because it seems like such a woman's get together when we start talking about cooking and recipes and the like. I feel like I'm 40 - not 29. >___<