Down the Rabbit Hole with the Semi-Evil Squirrel

i don't know what more to ask for - i was given just one wish*

The month of May is coming to an emotionally bombastic conclusion. A lot has been happening. Last week was a super-stressful week at work due to last minute big project changes. I don't remember if I blogged it or not, but on the 14th, I told my boss about my impending move to Japan, so while that released a lot of built-up pressure, it also created a bit of collateral stress in relations with coworkers. All that stress made this past 3-day weekend feel really good. It was amazing how by Sunday night I was feeling something close to human again.

This week has been going quickly, thanks to Monday being a holiday. Yesterday, I received notification of my placement for the JET Program. I will be teaching in a small town called Assabu on the southern peninsula of Hokkaido (the northernmost island). I originally mistook the town to be Asabu, which is an area in Sapporo city (a bustling city of 1.8 million with 3 types of wonderful public transportation). I am still pretty excited, but I think it might take a while to get used to being the only foreigner there.

Because of finding out my placement, I didn't sleep a wink last night. (Did I mention they have one of the largest populations of Ezo Higuma (Japanese brown bears) there? They look a lot like grizzlies...) Tossed and turned all night and really didn't feel like getting up for work today. Got here and there's not much work to be had - yet.

Another happening is that, as of today, I am officially released from the Army. I have completed all 8 years of my contract. As of today, I am once again a civilian with all of the freedoms inherent in that role. I wrote about this event in my personal (aka paper) journal last night before going to bed and I went much more in depth. At this point, I wish I could rhapsodize about my service, but I just don't have the energy or concentration. There is more emotion connected with this ending than I anticipated. I had only anticipated joy at the end of my contract; now, I realize that it really is the end of a personal era and that comes with a mixed bag of emotions.

On a completely different note, this weekend is already jam packed with entertainment. Every once in a while I have one of those weekends where there is no time; the kind where I'll be out doing stuff most of the weekend. The bad thing about that is that I have A LOT of stuff to start doing in preparation for my overseas departure... I really need to get my act together on that one.

Squirrely News of the Odd

*Royksopp - What Else is There?

Labels: JET program, life, work

if we were feckless we'd be fine, sucking hard on our innocence

0923 hrs:
From the most mundane to the bigger questions of life, I have a lot on my mind today. I wish I was at home so that I could actually take the time to think things through. Of course, depending on how many and who gets laid off from my office, I may have plenty of time in the near future to sit at home and ponder the big and little things of life. Boss Lady told us on Tuesday afternoon (right before the end of the work day) that there were going to be lay offs, but she didn't know the time frame for them yet. Fun times. It's always nice working at a job you're not quite sure you're going to have tomorrow.

As much as I hate to say it, I think all arrows point to me when it comes to the lay off. As I've said before, I haven't really been assigned a specific job role since I returned from deployment in August. This doesn't mean that I haven't been busy or that I haven't had work - it's just that it has been helping other people (who have solid, clear job roles) with their work load because everyone was (and still is, really) behind when I returned to work.

Not only does the lack of a clear job role put me in the danger zone, so does the fact that I am the ONLY one here who is single, has no children and does not own a home that needs the mortgage paid on. I'm also young, educated and an efficient worker with a good work history - which means my boss may feel better for laying me off with the thought that I could more easily find a job than others here AND no children or husbands would become homeless and hungry if I couldn't find a job right away. Isn't it wonderful being single? I'm on the verge of ranting about how American society passively punishes people who choose to remain single and childless, but I'll refrain. Because my life is obviously worth so much less than those who have chosen to get married and reproduce, it wouldn't matter if I yelled until I was blue in the face anyway. Yeah - bitter much? You could say that.

1357 hrs:
Listening to a mix CD that I so aptly titled "Downer Music". That encourages people to listen to it, eh? Good songs on it though:

Red Hot Chili Peppers - I Could've Lied
American Hi-Fi - Don't Wait for the Sun
Barenaked Ladies - Break Your Heart
LIVE - Turn My Head
LIVE - Ghost
LIVE - Gas Hed Goes West
Gary Allan - Smoke Rings in the Dark
Ellis - promises
Chris Issak - Wicked Game
Backstreet Boys - Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely *hides in shame*
Lisa Loeb - Falling in Love
Indigo Girls - Center Stage
Annie Lennox - Why (unplugged version)

Labels: fret, JET program, job woes, moody, playlists, yelling into the void

but there's something pulling me

Got home around 6:30 pm from the four-day weekend in Chicago. My JET interview was this morning at 9:30 am. It went ok. I'm not very good at reading those types of things, so who knows how it really went. I will always be very critical of things like interviews, so I always think I did worse than I did. I could sit and recount all the little details, but I'm sure that wouldn't help. Once I send out a Thank You note, all I can do is wait until April to get notification of whether or not I get in to the program. Out of all of the candidates that were in the waiting area, I was the only one who was not in a full business suit. I didn't want to look too stuffy or formal, so I was dressed in a nice blouse and skirt outfit. It was by no means casual, but I did feel distinctly out of place. I don't think that will harm me, though. What does one write in a Thank You note? I wonder if I can include a quick note about something that I think may have been unclear, but important? Any ideas? I'll want to send one soon. So I'll probably buy a card and write it tomorrow.

Other than that, the weekend in Chicago was pretty good! I don't think a trip where I come back with 2 pairs of new boots could ever be deemed a failure, even if everything else would have gone wrong. I got to meet up with 2 friends who live in Chicago, so that was really awesome! I did miss getting to meet BookKitten, but I'm sure I'll be back to Chicago sometime soon, as it was really a fun city.

I'd like to write more about it, but I'm feeling like I should take a shower and get ready for bed, as I do have to go in to work tomorrow. SO - ciao for now and hopefully I'll blog a bit more about the trip soon!

Labels: chicago trip, JET program

you never know, maybe you're dreamin'...*

0939 hrs:
Almost did not make it in to work this morning. I kept hitting snooze and was having a pretty good dream. Of course, now I don't remember what it was or even the general subject...BUT - as I said last week, the coffee was already brewing and I just can't let good, fresh and hot coffee go to waste, so I had to get up and go to work. Plus, the cat needed to be fed and let out of his carrier and in order to call in to work I would have had to get up to get my cell phone anyway. Smelled the fresh coffee and grudgingly told myself that I should stop being lazy and go to work.

I'm pretty sure most people have today off, but oh well, right? I am taking Friday off to head to Chicago for the JET interview. Still sort of avoiding thinking about it, which is kind of bad considering that now it is less than a week away. Eek!

Went clothes shopping this weekend with Nailz with the excuse that I needed to buy an outfit for the interview. Good times. I bought more shoes than clothes which is sometimes not a very good sign. Ended up getting a really good deal on a pair of nice Naturalizers for only $16! Bought a cute (below the knee) skirt and a shirt, necklace, shoes and purse to go with it. The purse is a Vera Wang that was on sale for under $25 - it is too cute! Will need to figure out how I'm going to do my hair and nails...

Also had my car repaired on Friday. It only came out to $225. Not bad considering most times shops will charge that just for the part that was replaced. I love my mechanic! The car drives much better and so I am pleased on that front.

Did proper meal planning this weekend, so I actually had a grocery list when I went to the store last night. I only bought 4 items totaling $6.73.

This week's Grocery Titan goes to the tub of Dannon All Natural Plain Yogurt coming in at $2.99! *applauds*

I was going to skip the Grocery Saver this week seeing as I only bought 4 items, but I must say that I am mighty impressed that I bought a bunch of 4 bananas for $0.81. WOW. Sometimes I see bananas advertised in gas stations for 2/$1.00, so paying less than $1.00 for 4 seems really awesome. I guess it is all a matter of perspective.

Also, a note about the yogurt... I know that I've complained quite a bit on this blog about my stomach problems. Since taking up the yogurt/health shakes (which are tasty when you don't add too much coconut milk), my stomach has felt better than it has in years. I didn't have indigestion or heartburn once last week and over all, things just feel like they are running better now. It is such a relief!

1302 hrs:
Had a good lunch. I had tuna salad with some pita bread and an orange. I have some broccoli, too, but that will probably end up being an afternoon snack. Read some of the CLAIR website over lunch. Just reading it makes me nervous. They give a lot of good information on both the CLAIR and JET Program websites. For most people, the websites' information may be helpful because they get more of an idea of what they are getting in to. For me, it is disquieting to have so much information. I'm used to going in to these overseas adventures almost completely blind - relying on my leadership to light the way, and the torch would only give off a small circle of light by which to reckon the way. I feel like I'm walking down a brightly lit hallway and any obstacles are well lit and obvious. Having so much visibility of what it is going to or may occur makes me feel as if there is going to be some unpleasant surprise somewhere.

If I am accepted in to the program, one big thing that will be very different from my previous overseas experience is that I wouldn't be going with anyone that I know. Big change there. It would almost be like leaving home for college, except bigger...newer...and probably uncomfortable and lonely at first. *unsure laugh*

Here's a real laugh.

1551 hrs:
Well, my work day is drawing to a close. I almost forgot that I have yoga tonight because I'm making up the one I missed so many weeks ago when it was so cold outside and I was l-a-z-y. Have to eat my broccoli now, as if I eat any later than 4pm, it makes yoga a bit uncomfortable because of all the bending, twisting and upside-down-i-ness of it..

After I finished writing my last portion above, I started to realize that I'm really putting the carriage before the horse. Plus, if I've gotten through some things almost blind, then I can most certainly do them when the way is lit, right? Sometimes, I think I just need to have confidence in myself and my personal decisions.

Well, guess that is it for today. Hope all had a good day off.

*The Dave Matthews Band - So Much To Say

Labels: grocery savers, grocery titans, JET program, link blogging, nutrition/diet, weekend sum up

the future is no place to place your better days*

1026 hrs:
I am tired again today. I guess I can't really complain when it is my own fault, eh? I stayed up until almost midnight searching the interwebs for information on which film developing chemicals would work best with all of this discontinued film I am now the proud owner of. The problem with discontinued film is that along with the film, the manufacturers also stopped making the specialized developer (that would naturally follow, right?). So I posted a topic on my favorite flickr community (I Shoot Film) to see if any of the experts there could point me in the right direction. I have started putting all the supplies I would need to develop my own black & white negatives at home into a shopping cart that automatically saves and stays available for 3 weeks here. Fun times. So far, I am only missing the chemicals and then should be able to order.

I already have two rolls of specialty black & white film that I am anxious to have developed. I want to get up and running with processing my own film because it is expensive to send to a lab (which would charge even more because of the specialty films I've been using) and because I would like to be more involved in the whole process. I would compare my continuing and growing attachment to photography and the impulse to be more involved to breast feeding, but I've already used that in reference to car maintenance in a post long, long ago. Tonight, I will be sure to put a link here to that specific entry - it will be nice to reminisce.

Had dreams about photography again last night even though I read a bit more of The Giver before finally going to sleep near 1am.

To follow up on last week's deer-connecting-with-car event: my brakes have been funny ever since and the car is handling strangely too. Decided to put in a claim to Progressive and see what can be done about it. I have an appointment at their claims center tomorrow during my lunch hour. The drive there and back, plus the time to get a rental while my car is being looked at will probably take almost 2 hours, so I'm sure I will be staying at work late tomorrow. I wonder how much the estimate for repair will come out to be. I have a $500 deductible, but still...Depending on the nature and cost of the repairs, I may just hold off on it until I feel less like a cheapskate.

1144 hrs:
The good Catholic in me has been surfacing lately when it comes to the whole JET Program thing. One of the things I think Catholics are very good at is self-flagellation. I feel really guilty about many things that I think normal people (aka non-Catholics for this portion of reflection) would be puzzled as to why. Right now, I not only do I feel guilty, but I feel guilty for something that hasn't even happened yet. That's how deeply ingrained my sense of obligation to others and community is. This is what I blame on my Catholic upbringing. I haven't even interviewed for the JET Program yet, much less been accepted into it, and yet I feel guilty for leaving Nailz in the lurch and for leaving my job (that has just given me a tiny raise - which is better than what most people are getting in this economy). I feel like I am abandoning them, as if I am turning my back on my sense of loyalty. This is hard for me to understand. Logically, I know that there is nothing to feel guilty about, but I still do. It's quite a lot like worrying - which I am also really good at.

1553 hrs:
Ah...Just got off the phone with Nailz (who called in sick today). It always makes me feel better when I can be snarky on the phone to her. Mainly because I'm out of arms' reach. Heh.

Best post this and get on the road home for the evening. My head is all throbbing and does not feel good at all. However, this will not deter me from managing mischief when possible tonight. *grin*

*Dave Matthews Band - Cry Freedom

Labels: car troubles, dreams, JET program, photography, work

a long night spent with your most obvious weakness*

0905 hrs:
At work (of course). I can barely keep my eyes open today. I stayed up too late last night. I found out around 10:30pm last night that I have been granted an interview for the JET Program. While I am excited, I am also nervous. What if I just don't measure up to the competition? I know that there are probably a lot of really smart and savvy people vying for a position - I'm not so sure I can compete. Well, I'll try to look at it this way: at least if I don't get the position, I will FINALLY get to visit Chicago.

(Part of my apprehension is that even after I interview, I won't know until April whether or not I have "won" a position in the program. More waiting. This is really a test of patience. I wonder how many people get fed up with the waiting and drop from the program?)

After the (surprisingly small amount of) excitement died down, I started getting ready for bed, so I wasn't even in my bed until after 11pm. And after that, I couldn't help but read more of Dear Mr. Henshaw. Ended up finishing it, but that really put me past my bedtime. I just can't help myself when it comes to reading before bed - no matter how tired I am.

Picked up the 2 developed rolls of film from West yesterday after work. The Holga pictures didn't turn out so well - in fact, only about 3 turned out OK and the others were as if I hadn't exposed them at all. *sigh* The roll of color 35mm that I took at the Como Conservatory turned out alright, though, so when I get home tonight, I will make sure to upload some of those to my photobucket site and then link it here in case anyone is interested in taking a peak.

1438 hrs:
Best laugh all day. I wonder if they'll start doing research on the psychological effects of excessive butt and thigh fat on women due to hormones and help women to reduce it. I can think of many women who would love that.

Just another instance of men sniveling and acting pathetic when they have to deal with a fraction of what women have been dealing with for a century or more. Plus, I see moobs (the good, the bad and the ugly) every day in the U.S. - what's the big deal? While it is true that I don't find most moobs to be attractive, I'm not about to shun someone for them. Geez....

I know it may seem insensitive to laugh about this, but I just can't bring myself to feel bad for these men (except maybe the ones cause by prostrate cancer). Lots of people are born with worse - get plastic surgery, or just deal with it.

Also, why do the British drop their prepositions? "Get down the gym." That sentence doesn't make sense. Where's the "to"? How lazy is that? I thought dropping consonants was bad - the British drop entire words that actually help a sentence have meaning. 0_o

*Taking Back Sunday - Make Damn Sure

Labels: JET program, link blogging, newbery medal books, work

what might have been lost...

0753 hrs:
It is super quiet in the office this morning. We're all here, but it's still just quiet - well, except for Tina talking about politics. She's one of those talking trains where once she gets started, she just doesn't stop. You can't even get a word in edgewise. So I've put my ear-buds in and put on some music to drown her out.

This morning at about 5:30am, I had a really strange thought. I had gotten up to put the cat in his carrier (as per usual at that time in the morning) and go to the bathroom before going back to bed. On my way from the bathroom back to bed, I was thinking something really profound (I just know it). It had the word "scientific" in the phrase and that made me think "Do amoebas know they're being watched?" I'm not quite sure where that came from, but now it is the only thing I remember. The other, supposedly more profound, thought is probably lost forever. *sad sigh*

0821 hrs:
Oh noes...I'm starting to get really upset. Was just quickly checking the progress of my JET application (which I sent by Priority and Certified Mail) using the tracking tool on the USPS website. According to them, no such tracking number exists. I'm trying to calm myself down because there is nothing I can do about it right this second. I have to wait until work is over for the day and then - THEN - I will go to the post office where I mailed it and make an inquiry. It better not be lost - it better be that it just hasn't been scanned in to their Certified Mail tracking system. I'm not sure what I'll do if they lost my application. Because violence isn't really an option, I'll have to think of something else...

1010 hrs:

Dear J.M.,

I really mean it. You have to stop looking so attractive when you come to work. I get awkward and weird around you when we happen to go to the water cooler at the same time. For instance, today I offered you the cold water before I used it. Why did I do that?

Really. I may have to start avoiding you if you don't start toning it down a bit.

Yours (whenever, where ever),
C.S.

1149 hrs:
Don't know what has come over me, but all of a sudden I am feeling very low. Low energy, low spirits, low everything. Except maybe high on apathy. Wish I could take a half-day and go home to snuggle and nap with the pets. A big storm is coming in. Maybe it's the barometric pressure dropping that has sapped my spirit...Maybe it is the fact that it's Thursday, instead of Friday. Ah, well...what can you do?

Not much has come to mind since my last, fervent letter from 10am. I feel like I haven't gotten ANYTHING done today, even though I maybe, sort of have. Some days it just feels like I'm biding time, treading water, running to stand still, etc...

Today's Playlist:
Bon Iver - For Emma, Forever Ago (on repeat - over and over and over)

1747 hrs - ETA:
Before I left work, I tried tracking my certified mail again and turns out they just didn't scan it here. It was scanned in at the destination city, so now all I'm waiting on is for it to show delivered to the recipient. Yay! This greatly cheered me up. I feel like I might be changing back to human from my alien, she-bitch form.

Labels: half-asleep, JET program, letters, playlists, work

if you're sad then it's time you spoke up too

0811 hrs:
Wow. For the first time in years, I feel like I can be proud to be an American in an international setting. As if I could go anywhere and do anything and be proud of my country. Obviously, I think that Obama is the right man for the job of leading such a great country that is in such great need of good leadership.

I'll try not to say more than that. I don't particularly like to put my political views down in words, but I'm too elated to hold it all the way in. (The inner voice is excitedly saying, "Wasn't his speech awesome, though!?" and I am answering it "Yes, yes. It was inspiring! *squee*")

Ok, so maybe I won't be able to stay off of politics for too long. *grin*

Yesterday was a good day in other ways, too. Because I got to leave work early, I was able to run some errands that needed to get done. I filled up my gas tank, because there is speculation that gas prices will go back up now that the election is over. After that, I dropped off a couple bags of donations to Goodwill. I went to the post office as well and mailed out my JET application via Certified Mail and stopped by the mall to donate my old cell phone and chat with Mr. T. I had a very good, animated discussion with him about Korean vs. Japanese movies and television. He gave me a list of good Korean movies to see.

Then I went and voted with Nailz. We got lost on the way to our polling place (just like last time), but still got there. There was no line, so it was quick. We ended up getting Papa Murphy's and zoning out into the J-drama "Stand Up" until around 9:30 and then started watching the election results. It's a sign of the times that we didn't turn on the TV, but instead "tuned in" to MSNBC live coverage on the internets. I didn't get to bed until past 1am. Oh bah...I am tired, but it's the best tired I've ever been in my life. Plus, that's why I have a 20 oz. pumpkin pie latte. :D

0857 hrs:
Time is so cruel. I can't believe it is not even 9am yet! I am super-tired, but am trying to stay positive. I don't think there are words for how much I don't want to be at work today. I was thinking about leaving at noon if I'm still too antsy to tame my thoughts. I'm normally pretty distracted anyway, but today I can't think in a linear fashion to save my life. My bed and warm kitty are calling to me, saying "come enjoy a nice, long nap on this cloudy, dark day." I am super tempted. Well, we will see how the rest of the morning goes...

gather around, listen to my champion sound

1156 hrs:
Well, the morning has gone by fairly well. Guess I'll be doing the full work day. I don't really have any extra time off left anyway. There was something I was going to write, but I have forgotten it now. I am still very tired, but I feel more awake at least. :) OH - I just remembered. Now that the election is over, I keep getting nervous about the JET application. Wish me luck! Now - to try to distract myself for the next 3 months or so. XD

I don't know if it shows or not, but I am trying to make these rambles shorter. I hope to drill what I have to say down to more compact notes. Hope all are having a good day and I will talk at you all tomorrow. :)

Today's Playlist:
3 Ajikan albums
Shannon Lawson - Chase the Sun <---this guy is much better in concert than on his CD - one of
the best live performances I've seen in terms of sheer musical talent and style
Japanese Pop mix CD of my own compiling (too many tracks to list here)
Teddy Bears - Soft Machine

Labels: election, JET program, playlists, sleepy, work

everybody says this is your home

0823 hrs:
Work is going slowly today. When I first got here, I was the only one in the office because most people decided to vote this morning. I've only had a few emails and I am feeling uninspired to do any work at all. Today's mission is to distract myself from the election. I don't go to the polls until after work, since they are open until 8pm. Nailz and I are going to go together so we have company while we stand in line. My boss's henchwoman sent out an email saying we could all leave an hour early to go vote. The boss is out again today - sick, apparently. I will be taking that hour, even though I will wait until Nailz gets home to go vote.

I am just about to enter my 3rd week of being smoke-free (well, almost, see my slippage notes). I quit on October 22nd, though I stopped smoking at work on October 20th. It doesn't feel like it has been that long, but at the same time feels like I haven't smoked regularly in forever! It is very strange. I have had two small slips in the last two weeks, but it's not the end of my quit. I had 3 cigarettes at a party on the 25th and 4 cigarettes at a party on the 31st. It is difficult when there is alcohol involved. I did go to a party on the 1st and had a drink, but didn't smoke, so that is a good start! It's strange because quitting smoking is hard, but it feels easy at the same time. I've been re-enforcing my resolve and getting a few laughs in by reading through the Quitticisms glossary on QuitNet.

The definitions of HTBC and Celery is Under the Left Rear Tire are especially funny.

Unfortunately, I have been experiencing the CRS and QuitZits phenomena. The CRS I can sort of deal with, but the QuitZits are frustrating - I even have them on my scalp. Gross (but not as gross as smoking for the rest of my life, and these will pass eventually). I wonder how long that is supposed to go on for?? *can't wait until body finishes cleaning house*

0933 hrs:
"Too bad he couldn't buy a really good collage education with $2.25 lol he needs it!"

This is why I usually stay away from things where the general public can comment on news and such. The misspelling of the word "college", lack of sentence structure and punctuation completely undermine his criticism of the person featured in the news story. I laughed, but sometimes I see these things and a little bit of my hope for humanity dies....

Baz Luhrman: don't worry about the future, or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum

1044 hrs:
Gah! This day is taking it's sweet time...I just want it to be 3pm, so I can go home and distract myself from the election by surfing LJ and doing things around the house. I also am sending out the paper copy of my JET application on my way home today. I called the Japanese Consulate in Chicago to check on a few technicalities in regard to the application. Everything is really ready to go now. *frets hardcore* I'm so nervous! What if they don't want me? What if I don't even get an interview? What if I didn't follow one, tiny instruction and they throw out my application without even looking at it? What then? I've put so much time into the application and deciding whether it was really something I wanted to do that I'd never really thought about getting rejected by the program. Maybe now that the application process is over and all I have is to sit and wait for 3 months to find out if I'll get an interview, I should come up with plan B... I'm assuming this plan should not include any type of illegal immigration activity. XD Totally worried...about 2 BIG things (in my world anyway). At least one of them will either be confirmed or denied after today. For the 2nd one, I will have to come up with some way of not worrying too much. *still fretting*

1127 hrs:
Oh, and changed my desktop wallpaper today. I now have a picture of Nishikido Ryo rocking out. It is good work wallpaper. It is also kind of bright and refreshing, so hopefully that will help brighten these darkening days. I should remind myself to minimize all of the applications I run for a minute or two just to look at it now and then. :)

1254 hrs:
AND last, but certainly NOT LEAST:
GO OUT AND VOTE!

Even if you don't feel like standing in line - do something good for yourself and your country by exercising your right to vote. If you've already voted: congratulations and THANK YOU!

Labels: election, JET program, quitting smoking, work

0851 hrs:
Hola...Happy Friday! Happy Halloween!

What is everyone dressed up as today? I am a Hogwarts student - Slytherin, of course! I had a different costume that I was going to wear, but when I woke up a 1/2 hour late and was going to therefore be late to work by a 1/2 hour, I just grabbed my Hogwarts clothes and called it good. The other costume had accessories and would have required a bit of make up, so ....

Though I was running (way) late, I went through a coffee drive thru. It IS Friday - and Halloween to boot, so I thought to myself, "Well, if you're already going to be almost a 1/2 hour late, what is another 3 minutes?" I had the same thought while I was depositing my paycheck at the bank drive up. Altogether, it probably set me back 5-7 minutes. I still got here and was "only" 20 minutes late. Considering I have been late only once or twice in the past 3 months and those times I was only late by a minute or two, I think my boss will be fairly forgiving this time. She hasn't said anything about it yet and seemed to laugh when I came in and my voice was still full of sleep.

Put more songs on my mp3 player last night. I added 25 songs, so now I'm up to 55 songs on the player. I need to convert a lot of my files from .wma to .mp3, but I don't have a converter program. So that will be on my to-do list this weekend. I guess that's one drawback of this player is that it ONLY plays mp3 files - nothing else. D:

Nothing much else to write about right now. Besides, still working on audit stuff, so busy busy busy.

0951 hrs:
My life lately is full of little changes that make me feel as if there is a lot that is different. For one, I broke my flip phone on Wednesday night while talking to my friend Sarah, so I had to get a new phone yesterday after work. I was very fond of my old phone. I had it for 4 years. What a wonderful phone it was! It was hard trying to find a replacement for it, but I ended up going with the same series of phone, but the version that is now available. It's a little bit different, but I'm sure I'll get used to it. I feel like I have bid good-bye to an old friend when I think about my old phone with its cool ringtones and all of its presets. *longing sigh*

Also, last night I spent a few hours going over my JET application and nitpicking it to make sure everything was done to the best of my ability and then submitted the online part of the application. I printed the paper copy and now just need to stop by a Kinko's to get copies made and then the post office to send it Certified mail. I feel a weird tingling in the pit of my stomach when I think about it all. As I told Nailz, I feel as though I'm setting the wheels of fate in motion and that is a very strange idea for me - as if I haven't had the opportunity to do that in a long time or never noticed it before. Though I'm a bit nervous (ok, so A LOT nervous) about it, I'm going to follow Henry Rollins's advice. That is, when he feels like he's backing away from something or scared of it, he knows that's when he has to run and jump into it, because that's the only way to grow.

I'm going to Jo-L's party on Saturday with Sarah. I am not exactly excited, but after I go to the party, I will be bidding Jo-L a not-so-fond good-bye. I feel like that will be good too. Life is so much easier when there are no boys involved.

And lastly, the last little thing to change is that just now, my favorite pen ran out of ink. I have others (of a different model) waiting to replace it, but I was a little sad as I threw the old, faithful pen in the trash bin. :(

Well, best get back to work. This entry is probably pretty boring already, eh? *laughs* Sorry 'bout that. *shy*

Labels: JET program, Jo-L, work

just let go

0821 hrs:

*sigh* Thinking black thoughts this morning. I am exhausted, as I didn't get to sleep last night until 1am. I was in bed at midnight, but I just layed there and stared at the ceiling, my thoughts racing. The source of my current "mental distress" is of course a boy - named "Jo-L" for our purposes. A couple of days ago, he invited me to a Halloween party that is this weekend. Last night he called and after chatting for a bit, he said that he had invited another girl that he's been dating, so we're both going to be there at the same time. He said that he wanted to let me know so that it wouldn't be "awkward". Huh. Of course, while I was on the phone with him, I was very cool about the whole deal and took it very well. I would give myself an Oscar for my ability to act like I was NOT completely taken off guard, when I was actually pretty ticked off.

It is not that I expected him to be serious about me, but I certainly didn't foresee him putting me face to face with another of his girls. I don't want to be made a fool of. Jo-L is definitely not worth another tiny bit of my (admittedly battered) pride. I guess I am mostly angry (and a bit hurt?). Apparently, I am not worth his time (seeing as I haven't seen him in over a month) unless it is convenient for him or it is in a group setting where he can invite his girlfriend. I am not going to compete for someone's attention. If a person is interested enough in me, I shouldn't have to put in a concerted effort just to keep their limited attention. I'm not going to debase myself that way. He's an idiot. That's what I've come to understand. And he's not worth my time, or even the effort I took in writing all of this.

0855 hrs:

Listening to KAT-TUN solves all problems. Especially Natsu no Basho, Lovejuice, Don't U Ever Stop, TABOO and Our Story. They are just so EPIC sounding. Big sound, big emotions...It is a really good catharsis.

As an after thought to the first part of the first entry: even though I have decided that Jo-L is not worth my time, I have decided that if someone will go with me to the party, I will go. I can't help it - I'm curious who this other girl is. Besides that, some day soon I'll look back on this and laugh - why not start now and it might be a good party story later that everyone can have a good laugh about (after the appall has worn off). Also, I have to admit that sometimes I get bored if my life is not sometimes touched by "DRAMA!!". I will try not to torture Nailz by recounting it too often or dwelling on it too much. As she so accurately put it: "Jo-L makes you crazy and you don't need any more crazy."

1154 hrs:

Have been keeping myself fairly busy this morning. This afternoon is already full of things that need to be done. We are being audited, so there is of course a lot to do. *tired sigh*

I'm not feeling the best today. Probably from lack of sleep and other things. I am looking forward to lunch, but am going to wait a few more minutes.

Tonight, I will be putting the wheels of fate in motion. I'm going to submit my online JET application and then tomorrow put the paper packet together and mail it to the Embassy. I'm nervous, because everything beyond here is unpredictable. I like thinking I know what is going to happen in the future, so this is scary for me. Heh. XD Nailz, will you look through the application with me to make sure I didn't miss something? I need a pair of eyes that haven't looked at it a million times.

Well, that's about it for today. No playlist, as I've been listening to the 30 songs I have on my newly resurrected mp3 player on repeat. *rolls eyes at self* Putting more songs on it is something I'm going to try to do tonight though.

1242 hrs:

Last couple of notes:

There is a guy here at work (I'll call him Leo) who I had a close encounter with after a Happy Hour last spring (he kissed me unexpectedly). I put a stop to it very quickly by letting him know nicely, but bluntly that I was not interested in him that way. Things are still weird, though. Luckily, he works in a different part of the building and now has a girlfriend. Still...We both avoid eye contact and rarely acknowledge the other person's presence. I actively avoid him if possible. Isn't that sad? It makes working here a bit weird some days. *sigh*

The ladies are looking over cookbooks over lunch. It is really funny, because it seems like such a woman's get together when we start talking about cooking and recipes and the like. I feel like I'm 40 - not 29. >___<

Labels: JET program, Jo-L, KAT-TUN, music, sleepy, work

and the century is closing down

0805 hrs:
Ohaiyo~..... *dragging* I greet Monday with an obscene gesture that comes straight from my heart.

Don't know how today is going to be. I have only one meeting today for an hour and it is in the morning. I am hoping that it makes the day go quickly. I am also dreading it because I am about to start on yet another project that I'm not really all that enthused about. These projects take me away from my desk for a good part of the day and I really don't like that. Maybe it's because I can't randomly goof off for a few minutes at a time. *sigh*

Well, I am paranoid this morning for some reason. Keep thinking the boss is standing right behind me or something. Weird. Maybe not awake yet....

0958 hrs:
The morning meeting was pretty quick - only 20 minutes. I am slightly disappointed it didn't take more time. Also, am not exactly looking forward to the new project I have been assigned, but what can you do? Work is work, ne? It pays the bills and that's what counts, I guess. I don't like not ever getting to do the same thing every day. It bothers me that I don't really have a specific job and am just put in different positions as my boss sees fit. I am such a routine-driven person...

Not much else to report. I hope today goes by quickly... *crosses fingers*

you come apart to intertwine
1145 hrs:
*pleased* This morning has gone fairly quickly. I wonder what this afternoon will be like.

This weekend was a pretty good weekend. Nailz and I went out on Friday night to see Henry Rollins. Per Nailz, he stayed true to his normal speaking tour habits and talked for 3 whole hours. It was definitely worth it!! *hearts*

Saturday, I went to a spa place and tried out a flotation therapy session. It was really pretty awesome! I think I will treat myself to that every once in a while. It's not cheap, but it's not the most expensive thing, either. Basically, you get naked and back float in a pod-like thing that is filled with pleasantly warm water that has 700 - 800 pounds of Epsom salt dissolved in it. Because of how high the water's density is, you float effortlessly and can relax every single muscle in your body. I actually fell asleep for a bit and awoke with a start thinking that I had overstayed my time, but I hadn't. When you get out, there is a shower in the room and they supply body wash, shampoo and conditioner so that you can wash off the salt. Overall, it was a great experience! Oh - and they had this really awesome shampoo that smelled super nice. I'm going to call and find out what kind they use, because it is sooo nice. Mmm...

Saturday night was an early Halloween costume party. Nailz and I had a good time hanging with the old-school friends, but also got to meet some other cool, new people.

Sunday was recovery day. I did a lot of picking up and general organizing in the apato and we ran some errands in the early evening. Felt good to get all that stuff done.

I've also finished my JET application and it should be ready to send off any day now. I don't know why I'm hesitating, but I am a little. My main concern is what I put down for location preferences. I know that putting it down doesn't necessarily mean you'll get put there, but I want to think carefully over my choices anyway. Will probably make a final decision on location preference by this Friday and send in the application. *gets a little nervous*

So, that is it for now. I'll post this over my lunch (which is in a few minutes - oops...)

Today's "varied" playlist:
Asian Kung-Fu Generation - World World World
Asian Kung-Fu Generation - Into An Unseen Tomorrow
Asian Kung-Fu Generation - (something in Japanese that I can't read - "I can't read!!!")
The Smashing Pumpkins - Adore (couldn't help but listen to this again)

ETA: Afternoon playlist:
Puddle of Mud - Come Clean (<---ended up stopping this one because I got sick of it really quickly - putting this in the give-away pile)
Homemade Kazoku - Musication
Michael Jackson - Thriller (Special Edition)

Labels: halloween, henry rollins, JET program, playlists, weekend sum up, work